炸弹献礼 Bombs: A Tribute

作者：Abigail Harvey

行吧，祖安，毛茸茸的我来了，我已经准备好开炸了。

Okay, Zaun. I’m here, I’m fuzzy, and I’m ready to explode stuff.

在皮城上面的日子里，我每天都得应付一堆不知感恩的嘴脸，给他们提供上等的烟火产品，黑默丁格还强迫我要用什么蠢蛋幻术，我想干的事一概不行……搞得我非常想“咔嘣”一下！

All that time up there in Piltover serving high-quality pyrotechnics to ungrateful snoots, Heimerdinger making me hide behind that dumb glamour, never allowed to do what I want... It’s left me with a thirst for KA-BOOM!

但金克丝说的是真的吗？这座地底都市又阴又臭，真的到处都有机会在滋滋冒烟吗？

But was Jinx right? Is the gloomy, stinking undercity teeming with whizz-bang potential?

瞧瞧，这是什么破烂地方啊？没劲的建筑，没劲的建筑，稍微大一点儿的没劲的建筑，炸药工厂，没劲的建筑，没劲——等等？

Let’s see what we’ve got here. What am I looking at? Nondescript building, nondescript building, slightly bigger nondescript building, an explosives factory, another nondescript building, nondes—WAIT, WHAT?

炸药工厂？！梦想真的可以成真！

Explosives factory?! Dreams can come true!

我才没哭。只是祖安的灰霾弄进了眼睛。

I’m not crying. That’s just the Zaun Gray gettin’ all up in my eyes.

乖乖，里边一定存满了好东西……但外边看起来也太普通了。甚至可以说是无聊。没有亮闪闪的灯，也没有发光的招牌……就是一堆破砖烂瓦，破铜烂铁。难道大家不觉得制作炸药很有意思吗？而且还很安静……懂了！他们一定做了隔音措施，因为要进行现场爆破测试！我必须进去！噢噢噢，肯定会有一条非常隐蔽的秘密通道，或者是必须炸开正面的墙壁才能……

Man, the things they must have in there... But it looks so normal. Dull, even. No flashing lights, no sparkling signs... just a rundown pile of bricks and ironwork. It’s like no one even cares how bombs are made. And it’s quiet... GASP! They must have it soundproofed because of all the live bomb testing! I’ve gotta get in there! Ooh, I bet there’s a super secret passageway or maybe you have to blow the front wall off or—

咦，等一下，有扇门。

Oh, wait, there’s the door.

慢着，这是什么东西？

Hang on, what’s this?

废弃建筑

BUILDING NO LONGER IN USE

禁止入内

KEEP OUT

开玩笑的吧！为什么？怎么会？这么神圣的地方怎么会废弃？怎么会有人不喜欢生产那么可爱的炸药，还要把这里彻底关掉，还——什么声音？

You’ve gotta be kidding me! Why? How? How could this sacred place no longer be in use? How could anyone be so disrespectful of the creation of lovely explosives and shut it down forever and—what is that noise?

噢吼，我有十成的把握，正常情况下锁头是不可能烂成这样的。看来这扇门是被人砸开的。让我好好打探一下……

Huh, I’m pretty sure locks aren’t supposed to be all mangled like that. Looks like this door’s been busted open. Let me poke my head around...

我看到的似乎是两个坏脾气的幼年人类。没有炸弹。只有人类。一个空屋子。我开始觉得没意思了。他们还没发现我。

I appear to be looking at a pair of disgruntled young humans. Not bombs. Humans. In an empty room. I may be losing interest. They haven’t seen me, at least.

“真没劲，”其中一个人类说，他看上去和我一样失望。“你还说这地方全是炸弹。你看吧，每个角落我们都翻遍了，什么都没有！”

“This sucks,” one of them says. He looks as disappointed as I feel. “You said this place was full of bombs. Well, we’ve searched every corner, and there’s nothing here!”

别说了孩子。我心口疼。

Stop it now, kid. This hurts.

另一个小孩一脚踢翻了一个空箱子。“我哪知道他们都清干净了。”

The other one kicks over an empty crate. “How was I supposed to know they cleared it out?!”

他们俩都不看告示牌的吗？确实，人类从来都像没长眼睛——。

Did neither of them read the sign? I swear, humans never look—

“无所谓了，”第一个孩子叹了口。喂。我的话还没想完呢。没礼貌。“好无聊，咱们走吧。”

“Whatever,” the first one sighs. Whoa. I wasn’t done thinking my thought. Rude. “I’m bored. Let’s go.”

不许比我先无聊——我都没这么容易就掉毛泄气。回头见，小屁孩儿。

Not before me—I’m not ready to have my fur ruffled today. See ya, kids!

乖乖，这是真的吗。我来到地底都市以后第一次出门探险，就找到了一个炸弹工厂。专门造炸弹的那种。我本来都觉得自己就算是到家了，可是偏不，这个家里只有破碎的梦。

Man, I can’t believe this. My first venture out in the undercity and I find a bomb factory! Entirely committed to making bombs! That could’ve been home. But no, instead it was the home of shattered dreams.

我不能撒手不管，没错，是的，就这么干。这才合道理。这才是它存在的意义。

I’ve gotta do something about this. Yeah. Yes. That’s it. It’s the right thing to do. It’s what it was made for...

我要把这个地方塞满炸弹。哟呵！欢迎来到我的实验室。好吧，是金克丝的实验室。她让我在这儿暂时落脚，等我在祖安找到住处以后再搬走。她一直觉得我只是她想象出来的，所以我觉得我应该没占多大地方。再说，这里到处都是垃圾堆和小零件，可以肯定我不是这里唯一一个毛茸茸的客人。

I’M GONNA FILL THAT PLACE WITH BOMBS!Oh, hey! Welcome to my lab. Well, Jinx’s lab. She’s letting me crash here while I find my feet in Zaun. She thinks I only exist in her head, so I guess I’m not taking up too much room. Besides, with all her scrap heaps and bits of junk everywhere, I’m pretty sure I’m not the only thing with fur running around this place.

啊？你问这些？这些都是我的海克斯炸药半成品，当然了，都是我自己设计的。

What, these? Just some hexplosives I’m working on. My own design, of course.

这些小玩意儿能给那座老工厂体面地送行，让它走得有模有样。

These bad boys are gonna give that old factory the send-off it deserves. Let it go out with some dignity.

我可不能当作没看见。工厂会引来其他无辜的焰火爱好者，让他们心潮澎湃，再把他们的心剖开，不留一点火花。整个过程让人的情绪一下天上一下地下。

I can’t leave it as I found it earlier, waiting for another innocent incendiary enthusiast to come along, get them all excited, and then rip their heart right out without so much as a spark. It was a real emotional rollercoaster.

我要用我自己的东西装扮这个地方，再让它们像一个个爆竹似地炸开。哗！砰！噗滋！哗！砰！噗滋！接二连三，最后整个工厂在一场超巨大的爆破中塌个干净。

No, I’ll spruce the place up with my own devices, and then they’re gonna go off one after the other like little fireworks. Flash! Bang! Tssss! Flash! Bang! Tssss! Over and over until the whole place crumbles down in a huge explodey mess.

我管这些东西叫“连锁烟弹”。

I call them “Chain Smokers”.

就快完成了，只要这里搞一下，然后这里搞一下，然后……完美。

Almost done. I just take this bit here, and this thing here, and... Perfection.

咱们去炸东西吧！行，我又回到工厂里了。我说，“禁止入内”的牌子，你可真是尽责。

Let’s go blow stuff up!Okay, I’m back in the building. Come on, “KEEP OUT” sign, you had one job.

我可爱的连锁烟弹已经全体就位，随时可以给爸爸秀一下威力。

My little Chain Smokers are all laid out, ready to show their papa what they can do.

你一定要问了，可是吉格斯，要是你看不到爆破现场的话，怎么欣赏你的天才创造哇？我也是这么想的。所以咱们还有额外的节目：先把正面的墙炸开！

But Ziggs, I hear you say, how are you going to appreciate the products of all your talents if you can’t see them in action? My thoughts exactly. So I’ve got an extra treat for us all: I’m gonna blow the front wall off first!

这个大家伙，叫做派对爆爆，将为我们的观景扫除障碍！

This big one here’s the Party Popper, and it’s going to create the ultimate peephole!

好的，可以按按钮了！三……二……一……大爆了个炸！

Alrighty, time to push the button! Three... two... one... Big baddaboom!

……倒计时六十秒。

...in sixty seconds.

怎么了？我不得先出来吗——我又不想把自己炸飞！来吧，来吧，来吧，我已经准备好了！藏在这堆破烂后头。完美的观景距离，然后……给我炸！

What? I’ve gotta get out of here first—I don’t want to blow myself up!Come on, come on, come on, I’m ready now! Got this nice pile of junk to hide behind. Perfect viewing distance. And... explode!

还不行，还有四十秒。看来过条街不需要那么久。

Nope. Forty seconds left. Turns out crossing the street doesn’t take that long.

哎，怎么有约德尔人过去——坏了，那几个孩子怎么过去了？他们要是不快点走开，就会被一整堵墙拍在脸上。走开。走开！

Hey, why did the yordle cross—Oh no, what’re those kids doing back here?! They’re gonna get themselves a faceful of wall if they don’t move soon. Move. Move!

他们不打算走，他们要往墙上喷画。我真他……

They’re not moving. They’re spray painting the wall. For the love of...

“喂！”我从破烂堆后边跳了出来。“小孩！快走开！”

“Hey!” I call from behind the junkpile. “You kids! Get away from there!”

嗯，他们注意到了。吉格斯的真面貌暴露在了人类面前。不过他们还是傻站着。

Yeah, that got their attention. A real Ziggs, out in the wild. They’re still standing there, though.

“怎么？你们没见过约德尔人吗？不开玩笑，快走开！有危险！”

“What? You never seen a yordle before? Seriously, though, you need to move! You’re gonna get hurt!”

他们是在……？我没看错！他们是在笑我！行吧，那就随他们被炸飞好了。反正金克丝肯定会这么干的。

Are they...? They are! They’re laughing at me! Well, maybe I’ll just leave them to get exploded, after all! Jinx sure would.

啊我想起来了。金克丝是个疯子啊。

Ohhhhhh, right. Jinx is a psychopath.

啊！十秒！

Ah! Ten seconds!

于是我跑了起来。跑向那几个地沟小顽童。被约德尔人撞倒总比被大楼压扁好得多。这话我老说。

And I’m running. I’m running straight at those little sump-punks. Better to be tackled by a yordle than crushed by a building. That’s what I always say.

他们不笑了。大个儿点的孩子张开嘴。“你要干什——”

They’re not laughing anymore. The bigger one’s opening its mouth. “What’re you do—”

“没时间了！快走！”

“No time! Move!”

轰隆！

BOOM!

砖墙飞上了天。我们飞到了街对面。

We hit the other side of the street just as the wall goes up.

爽啊！给我炸吧！

Yes! Bombs away!

哗！砰！噗滋！哗！砰！噗滋！

Flash! Bang! Tssss! Flash! Bang! Tssss!

美呆了。一道道小闪电到处乱窜。砖墙崩落。烟尘滚滚，罩住了每一个跑出来看热闹的人。

It’s mesmerising. Little lightning bolts striking every surface. Bricks tumbling down. Smoke pouring out, clouding all the locals who’ve come out to watch.

哗！砰！噗滋！

Flash! Bang! Tssss!

等一下，为什么这些人都在盯着我，而不是我的作品？

Wait, why are all these people staring at me instead of my art?

哗！砰！噗滋！

Flash! Bang! Tssss!

房顶已经完全塌了。简直像是魔法。我不是和你说了吗，是祖安的灰霾弄进了眼睛！我才没有哭！

The roof is now completely caved in. It’s magical. No, I told you before, it’s the Gray! I’m not crying.

哗！砰！噗滋！哗！砰！噗滋——

Flash! Bang! Tssss! Flash! Bang! Tsssssssss.

哈哈太爽了！我情不自禁，快乐地跳起了舞。完美的爆炸！

Haha! Yes! I can’t help it. I’m doing my happy dance. That was perfect!

那两个小孩看我的眼神，就好像是我刚把他俩的奶奶揍了。我猜，祖安人已经对倒塌的大楼见怪不怪了，倒是欢快的毛球更少见吧。

Those two kids are looking at me like I just slapped their grandmother. I guess Zaunites are more used to collapsing buildings than gleeful furballs.

没所谓。我要走近些，看个仔细。

Whatever. I’m going in for a closer look.

我的连锁烟弹，效果拔群。原本坚固的建筑现已变成焦黑的碎石堆。那块没用的“禁止入内”牌子从碎瓦片当中支出来。我要把它捡走，放在实验室里做纪念。

My Chain Smokers performed just as they should; what was once a solid structure is now a blackened heap of rubble. That useless “KEEP OUT” sign is poking out from under a smashed roof tile. I’m gonna pick it up, a little souvenir for the lab.

哗！砰！

Flash! Bang!

嘎！一颗调皮的海克斯小炸药等我来了才引爆，这是给我留的前排座位。我觉得我身上着火了，不过——

Gah! One of those sneaky little hexplosives waited for me to have a front-row seat. I think I’m on fire but—

“呜咿——！”

“Wheeeeeee!”

——我从空中飞过——

—I’m flying through the air—

“啊——哈哈哈哈啊——”

“Aaaaahahahahahaaaa!”

——留下一缕青烟——

—trailing smoke—

“哎哟哟，好烫！还有点痒！但主要是烫！哈哈哈哈哈哈！”

“Oh, it burns! And tickles! But mostly burns! Hahahahahaha!”

——所有人都在看着我这支毛绒火箭。

—and all eyes are on this furry rocket.

“看见了吗，孩子们？这才叫做炸弹！”

“See, kids? Now that’s how you make bombs!”