宿主 The Host

作者：Amanda Jeffrey

我要死了。

I’m going to die.

每次艰难的呼吸都充满痛苦。感觉就像是被人用锈锯拉开了胸膛，还在胸腔里装满了牙齿。因为事实就是如此。

Every halting breath is agony. It feels like someone has torn open my chest with a rusty saw and filled the cavity with teeth. Because someone has.

都是他干的。

He has.

我不敢看他把我变成了什么。透过噙满泪水的眼睛，我看着砖墙天棚上的一盏灯，尽量不去想自己的身体。砖墙之外是祖安——我的家乡。但城中上千个忙碌的灵魂，没有一个会注意到我的失踪。没人想寻找曾经的那个我。

I can’t look at what he’s done to me. I stare through watering eyes at a tiny vault light in the brick ceiling, desperate to see anything but what I’ve become. Beyond lies Zaun—my city—but of the thousands of bustling souls there, not one will have noticed I’m missing. No one is looking for the man I was before.

咔哒

click

录音装置开启了，蜡制圆筒开始平稳转动，我的呼吸再次停顿，这次是因为我无力的啜泣。他说话了。

The recording device has clicked on, the wax cylinder turning steadily, and my breath catches again, this time against a sob. He speaks.

“实验对象‘思考者’有功能受损。但依然可表现出听觉与认知。”

“Subject ‘Thinker’ is functionally impaired. Yet hearing and recognition still present.”咔哒

click

可能是因为我的眼泪，也可能是因为观察窗的厚玻璃，那个不具名的男人看上去就像是噩梦中融化的蜡像。深深凹陷且不对称的双眼挂在一张扭曲、苍白的脸上，口鼻前方紧紧缠着的绷带随着呼吸微微起落，他正在玻璃窗的另一侧走来走去，时刻关注着我的情况。

Between the tears in my eyes and the warping effect of the thick greenish glass of the observation window, the nameless man looks like a half-melted waxen nightmare. Sunken, mismatched eyes dripping across a contorted pallid face, the bandages over his mouth growing and shrinking as he restlessly paces behind the window to get a better look at my condition.

他剩下的一只好眼睛时不时看向另一边，这间牢房里低沉呻吟声的来源处。我转过身看向那个巨大的形体，它正在渐渐恢复意识。荧光的管线在他的双臂上缠绕、穿插，让他的小臂又粗了一倍。

His good eye flicks from me to the source of a deep groan in the corner of my cell. I turn to look at a hulking form, rousing itself from unconsciousness. Glowing pipes and tubes snake around and through its forearms, making them more than double their already considerable size.

像我现在这么憔悴、残破，那个怪物可以毫不犹豫地把我掰成两半。

As I am now, withered and... changed, the brute could snap me in half without thinking.

咔哒

click“实验对象‘破坏者’在四时过六分恢复意识。早于预期。有希望！实验开始时间为……四时过七分。”“Subject ‘Breaker’ regained consciousness at six past fourth bell. Earlier than expected. Promising! Experiment begins at... seven past fourth bell.”咔哒

click

不。不。不！别再做实验了。

No. No, no! Not another experiment.

咔哒

click校准基线。实验对象思考者，请尽快给出下列问题的确切答案。“Establishing the baseline. Subject Thinker, answer the following questions as quickly and as accurately as possible.”“什么——”“Wha—”“问题一：你的全名是什么？”“First question: what is your full name?”“我不干了！你听见了吗？我要求你立刻放了我。我拒绝参与你这疯狂、扭曲的……”我的声音渐渐变弱。“I’m not doing this! Do you hear me? I demand you release me at once. I refuse to participate in whatever sick, twisted...” My words trail off.咔哒click他把录音装置的话筒放下，走向窗户旁边的阀门组。他丝毫没有理睬我和角落里的那个东西，拧开了一个阀门，然后高压、冰冷的地沟水柱把我冲到墙上。He puts down the mouthpiece of his recording device, and moves to a set of valves at the edge of the window. Without even glancing at me or the thing in the corner, he spins one open, and high-pressure, ice-cold sump water slams me into the wall.我感觉自己在尖叫。I think I’m screaming.感觉过了永世以后，我用萎缩的双手和双膝支撑起身体，尽全力喘息。我在地板上摸索着，试图慢慢蹚过积水，结果我的手腕不知绊倒了什么东西，手肘反射性地弯曲，脸拍到地上。An eternity later, I’m trembling on atrophied hands and knees, gasping for air. I fumble at the floor, seeking purchase through the slowly draining water, when I somehow catch my wrist on something, and my elbow buckles reflexively, slamming me face first onto the ground.我停住了片刻，搂着手臂上炽热、异样的疼痛，然后我感受到胸口和地板之间的异动。有什么尖锐的东西在扭，就像是我压住了一只乌罗亚蝎子，然后它正在用力钻出去。我翻滚身体，但它始终跟着我。它就长在我身上，长在我肉里，搔扒着、蠕动着，窸窸窣窣的声音让我感到恶心。我蹬腿、撕扯、叫喊，不顾一切地想要把它拿开！I’m still for a moment, cradling my arm where the pain is hot and alien—then I feel movement between my chest and the floor. Sharp wriggling, like I’ve fallen on a Uloan scorpion and it’s about to claw through me to escape. I roll, but it follows me. It’s on me, on my bare skin, scratching and squirming, and the skittering noise repulses me. I’m kicking and clawing and yelling and desperately trying to get it off me!“无聊。”“Tiresome.”我的双手沾满血渍，我的手腕感觉不太对，胸前的东西拿不掉。感觉是一团荆棘和爪牙深深埋进了我——我的胸膛。My hands are bloodied and there’s something wrong with my wrists and I can’t get the thing off me. It’s all barbs and claws and it’s like it’s burrowed into my—my chest.是镶进我胸口的牙齿。The teeth in my chest.我现在想起来了。并没有蝎子爬上我的身体。是他把我改造成了这样。他把我切开，把我变成了怪异的模样，两只手腕上都带着吸血的獠牙，从脖子到腰之间是两排渴血、蠕动的锯齿钳口。而且他想让我使用这些器官，啃咬牢房中的那个怪物。I remember now. There isn’t an arachnid on me. He did this to me. He carved me up and turned me into something else, something with sucking fangs grafted onto each wrist, and two columns of hungry, flexing pincers from neck to waist. And he wants me to use them to bite the thing in here with me.他曾把我们两个绑在同一张锈铁床上，针线飞速穿插，毫不留情地把我们两个缝到一起。然后他开始等待。等待“融合过程”的开启，等待他骇人的手术和罪恶的炼金科技产生效果，驱使我的本能。He’d once strapped us both down on a rusted iron gurney, needle moving quickly and without mercy as he joined us together. Then he waited. Waited for the “process” to start, for the instincts he’d given me through surgical and chemtech sins to kick in.但他并没有等到——因为我不肯。随后一切都黑了下去。When it didn’t happen—when I wouldn’t do it—everything went black.然后我就被关进了这个闭室里，和我关在一起的是这场实验中的“宿主”。And now I am locked in this chamber with my intended “host”.咔哒click“初始刺激令实验对象感到不悦。继续进行基线问答。如果实验对象思考者无法说出自体的名称——”“Subject found initial stimulus unpleasant. Resuming baseline questions. If the Thinker subject does not state its full name—”“停手吧，我求你了。饶命！”我大喊道。“Stop, I beg you. Have mercy!” I yell.“就把时长与强度增加两个系数。更正——三个。”“Duration and intensity will be increased by a factor of two. Strike that—make it three.”咔哒click他直勾勾地盯着我。他可能正在笑，但从那双眼睛里可看不出来。他再次抓住阀门，我意识到接下来会怎样。我无处躲藏，也没有可以扶的地方，随着水管里传来轰鸣声，我能做的只有尽量蜷缩身体，憋住一口气。He’s looking right at me. If he’s smiling beneath those wraps, it doesn’t reach his eyes. He seizes the valve again, and I realize what’s next. There’s nothing to hide behind, nothing to grab a hold of, and as the pipes rumble, all I can do is curl up as small as I can, and take a deep breath.冲击力太强，水太冷，我肺里的空气被挤干净。我重重撞上石面，也分不清是墙壁、地板还是天棚，哪一面是上面已经无所谓了。一股痛感从我的脚踝射上来，水压终于渐渐弱下去，我扭曲着跌到地上。水停了，我一动不动，感觉从来都没如此虚弱过，就连渐渐漏下去的水流都比我更有活力。The blast of water hits so hard, so cold, the air is ripped from my lungs. I smash against surfaces I can’t identify, and up and down are meaningless. There’s a shooting pain from my ankle, and when the assault eventually ceases, I twist and drop to the floor. Once the heaving stops, I lie motionless, feeling weaker than I can ever remember as the last of the water drains from the room.我要死了。I’m going to die.咣当。和我关在一起的那个炼金改造人撞向观察窗。它简直就是狂怒的实体化身——巨大的拳头接受了改造强化，砸在玻璃上，喉咙里发出野兽般的乱叫。Slam. I flinch when my chem-doped cellmate smashes into the observation window. It is fury incarnate—huge, empowered fists hammering at the glass, incoherent primal yells tearing from its throat.窗玻璃，还有玻璃后面的禽兽，纹丝不动。The glass, and the monster behind it, is unmoved.虽然每动一下都在透支我的力气，但我还是悄悄地爬到屋子的另一端，躲开那个名叫破坏者的狂暴野兽。它依然在狠狠地砸着玻璃，指节已经开始流血，但玻璃屏障却没有任何松动的迹象。不知它是倔还是傻，总之它依然还在打个不停。即便它的咆哮渐渐变弱，成为含糊的啜泣，它巨大的拳头也还是一刻不停。Though each movement costs me dearly, I quietly drag myself to the other side of the floor, away from the raging beast called Breaker. It’s still smashing at the glass, knuckles bloodying, despite there being no sign of weakening the barrier. Stubborn or stupid, it keeps hitting. Even when its roaring diminishes and shifts to wordless sobs, those swollen fists won’t stop.咔哒click“实验对象‘破坏者’的力量增加程度符合气动炼金肌肉增强体的预期范围，但表现出的问题解决能力非常有限，趋近于零。”“Physical strength of subject ‘Breaker’ is within expected range of pneumatochem-muscular enhancements, but he exhibits limited to no problem-solving capabilities.”咔哒click施虐者冰冷麻木地站在对面，隔着玻璃轻轻敲打破坏者自残留下的血渍。然后，他突然转过身对我怒目而视。Emotionlessly, our torturer taps on the glass opposite the smears from Breaker’s self-inflicted wounds. Then, with a scowl, he turns to look at me.咔哒click“另一方面，实验对象‘思考者’可能曾被命名为——”“Subject ‘Thinker’, on the other hand, may have been named hastil—”“我的名字是哈德里！哈德里•斯比尔韦泽。我是人。我不是你的实验对象‘思考者’。”我伸出手，在绝望中试图唤起囚禁者心中的一丝同情，不惜编出任何理由。“我还有个儿子！他……他才两岁，他肯定非常想念我。”“My name’s Hadri! Hadri Spillwether. I’m a person—not this ‘Thinker’ you keep calling me.” I reach out, desperate to touch some grain of empathy in my captor’s heart, no matter what fabrications I have to concoct. “I have a son! He’s... he’s two years old, and he must miss me terribly.”“儿子？”那个缠着绷带的人提起一撇眉毛。“他叫什么名字？”“A son?” The bandaged man raises an eyebrow. “What’s his name?”“洛、洛可。洛可•斯比尔韦泽——圆滚滚的可爱极了——”“L-Locke. Little Locke Spillwether—cute as a button and twice as—”“够了。你没有家。你的家人全都得了和你一样的遗传疾病，主要病征是加速老化，伴随各系统的早衰。在过去的十三年里，你一直都不胜其烦地在祖安科学院里找人——不，是乞求别人帮你医治。”“Enough. You have no family. They perished from the same hereditary disease you yourself suffer from, characterized by accelerated aging and all the miserable infirmities that come with it. For the last thirteen years you’ve been making a nuisance of yourself to anyone who’d listen at the Zaun Academy of Sciences, seeking—no, begging for—a cure.”他说的话像铁锤一样打在我头上，和刚才的水柱一样冰冷刺骨。His words hammer into me, cold and crushing like the water.“结果呢，我给了你非凡的赠礼，你报答给我的却是狂妄和不理想的数据。”现在他生气了。“以你的估值，还剩五年的生命。你又撒谎了，不过这一次是在骗自己。现在你最多还剩三年，然后就会变成口涎四处流的废人。没人会来照顾你，就像你当初抛弃你的父亲和姐姐。”“And yet you repay my extraordinary gift with defiance and bad data.” Now he’s angry. “Your estimates give you five years left to live. More lies, but this time to yourself. You have three wretched years at best before you become a drooling invalid. And there’s no one to take care of you as you did your sister and father.”我无话可说。他说的没错。我寻找解药的全部希望，就只剩下希望了。学院不会帮我的，那是全世界最聪明的头脑汇聚的地方，每个人都高高在上、遥不可及。每个人都有自己不择手段或贪得无厌的计划，我只是他们眼里没有抢救价值的危重病例。可怜。无助。There’s nothing I can say. He’s right. What little hope I had for finding a cure was just that: hope. The Academy wouldn’t help me—a swarming mass of the world’s finest minds, each unreachable and distant. Everyone had their own desperate or greedy agenda, and I was just another lost cause. Pitiful. Alone.我要死了。I’m going to die.“但你不用死。”“But you need not die.”我的目光与他对接。我感到……厌恶？憎恨？愤怒？希望。他怎么敢说这种话。他怎么敢说。他怎么——My gaze snaps to his. I feel... revulsion? Loathing? Outrage? Hope. How dare he say such a thing. How dare he. How—“我该怎么？”我呛咳着问出一个本不该问的问题。我恨自己。“How?” I choke out the question. I hate that I’ve asked it.他并没有用语言回答。他只是用目光示意了一下牢房里的那个驼背的怪物，破坏者。那个粗野的大块头正捂着自己流血的双手，前后晃来晃去，目光躲避着我们两个。或许他不会说话。他的体重至少是我的三倍，多出来的全都是肌肉，此外还要再加上他双臂的增强体。He doesn’t reply with words. He just slowly nods his head toward the hunched form of the thing I’m locked in with—toward Breaker. The brute is cradling his bleeding hands, rocking back and forth, avoiding eye contact with either of us. Maybe he’s incapable of speech. He’s at least three times my weight, all of it muscle, and that’s before whatever those augments on his arms are doing.我记得我们被一起绑在铁床上的时候。我们都同样被束缚住，同样无法自救，即便他拥有怪兽般的力量增强也是徒劳。那个缠着绷带的人想让我栖息在破坏者身上，把他当做……支架？当做活体义肢？I remember when we were strapped down on the gurney. Similarly trapped together. Equally helpless despite his monstrously augmented strength. The bandaged man wants me to latch on to Breaker, to use him as a... support? A living prosthesis?这样的想法令我反胃，一阵干呕袭来，我继续向后爬行，远离破坏者。My own thoughts make me gag, and I dry heave as I scramble backward, away from Breaker.“我很失望。”施虐者的语气听上去百无聊赖。“可能三年后的负面结果对你来说还是太遥远，思考者。我来增加一些动力吧——在你虚弱状态下，每当我进行负面刺激，你都有大概率出现多处骨折。不出四次刺激，你的行动能力就会降至最低，如果是面朝下跌倒，就会以非常慢的速度溺亡。”“Disappointing.” Our torturer sounds bored. “Perhaps three years is still too remote a negative outcome for you, Thinker. Let me make it more compelling—in your weakened state, you’ll likely suffer multiple fractures each time I apply this negative stimulus. Within four more applications, I’d expect you’d be classifiable as only minimally mobile, and face down in the water, you’ll very slowly drown.”他隔着窗户不怀好意地看着我。“根据此前的观察，我有理由相信这种死法是很痛苦的。”He’s leering through the glass at me. “From previous observations, I’m led to believe it will be quite excruciating.”咔哒click屋子太小了。我感觉喘不过气。我的心脏在用力敲打肋骨，就像破坏者猛凿观察窗。The room’s too small. I can barely breathe. My heart is throwing itself against my ribcage like Breaker pummeling the observation window.我看向破坏者，短暂对上他的凝视，但他立刻避开了目光。那双眼睛空洞无神，但我看到了共同的恐惧，似乎还有一丝同情。这是我这么多年来首次感受到真正的人性关联。远比那个囚禁我们的人更有人性。I look to Breaker and catch his gaze on me—he immediately looks away. There was little understanding in those eyes, but I saw shared fear and something akin to sympathy. It’s the first real human connection I’ve felt in years. Far more human than our captor.我没有对视他冷酷的双眼，我只是问了一句，“如果我动手会怎样？如果我……？”Without turning to meet his cold, calculating stare, I ask, “And what happens if I do it? If I...?”咔哒click“只要体外寄生的融合过程建立完毕，我就将测试配对的性质，研究寄生体对宿主的行为改变能力及其程度，还有融合而成的超个体生物各个方面的复原能力。这场实验将宣告结束，这里的一切……”他在轻轻挥挥手，指了指这间闭室、水管与阀门 、观察窗。“所有这一切都将报废。”“Once an ectoparasitic melding is established, I’ll run tests on the nature of the pairing, on the extent of the parasite’s behavior-altering capabilities on the host and so on, and on the resilience of the resulting merged superorganism. The experiment will be concluded, and all this...” He waves airily at the chamber, the pipes and valves, the glass observation window. “All this will be done with.”咔哒click我无意识地点了点头，似乎这是世上最正常的事，但我的心智渐渐意识到了真相。测试生物各个方面的复原能力。多么干净的说法啊，说白了就是用手术刀折磨至死。I nod absentmindedly, as if this is the most normal thing in the world, but my mind suddenly reels with realization. Testing the resilience of the organism. What a clean way to say torturing to death under a scalpel.这不是解药——这是我的死亡宣判。This is no cure—not for me. It’s a death sentence.半寸半寸地，我爬着站了起来，紧贴着冰冷的砖墙。我喘息着摇晃了片刻——我的脚踝已经毁了。随后我转身面向玻璃对面的敌人。Finger width by finger width, I manage to pull myself to my feet, hugging the cold brick wall for support. I gasp and wobble for a moment—my ankle is broken already—before turning to face my enemy through the window.“我不。”“No.”漫长的停顿。我能听到祖安的声音——水滴从管子里落下，远方轰鸣的水泵，还有永远不眠不休的机械噪音，低沉的响动令人感到安心。而在我听觉范围的最边缘，我似乎听到了第五声钟响。There’s a long pause. I can hear the sounds of Zaun—water dripping from the pipes, distant pumps, and the low, comforting rumble of never-sleeping machinery. At the very edge of my senses, I fancy I can hear fifth bell chiming.我没有对囚禁我的人抱任何幻想。但我还是惊了一下，因为他又掏出了——I expect nothing of my captor. Still I’m surprised when he reaches out—咔哒click“实验对象……不配合。”“Subject is... uncooperative.”咔哒click他把水管的阀门开到了最大。He spins the water valve to full strength.疼痛。水柱向山一样压过来，把我冲到墙上、天棚上、地板上，毫无规律。我已经分不清方向了。只剩下噪音。只剩下黑暗。只剩下疼痛。Pain. The water hits like a mountain and slams me against the walls, ceiling, and floor without preference. I don’t know which is which anymore. There’s only noise. There’s only darkness. There’s only agony.然后有了光。Then there’s light.一阵非常明亮的闪光，让我闭上眼以后依然看到一片金色。随后是一声令人心悸的爆炸。A flash so bright that the world behind my eyelids turns gold. A lung-hammering boom.然后什么都没了。And then nothing.我恢复意识的时候脸贴着地板，被水冲刷过的冰冷石面。我抬头向上看去。I regain consciousness face down on the floor, battered and crushingly cold. I look up.情况不一样了。水柱依然在从管道里喷出，但压力减小了。有光从天棚附近的一个破洞口洒了进来。逃出去的路？又有更多黄色的闪光照亮黑暗，紧接着是远处的爆炸声。Something’s changed. Water still gushes out of the vents, though at a lower pressure. Light streams in from a hole punched near the ceiling. A way out? There are more flashes of yellow, followed by distant booms.一声尖锐的哀嚎刺痛我的耳朵。我在恐惧中意识到，这是破坏者的声音——他正捂着自己的脸，鲜血从他的指缝之间淌出。他撞到墙上，转过身，跌进水中。A keening wail pierces through the ringing in my ears. With horror, I realize it’s coming from Breaker—he’s cradling his face, blood weeping between his fingers. He charges into the wall, spins, and tumbles into the water.水。水面正在上涨。The water. It’s rising.忙乱之中，我试图爬向洞口，但我却动弹不得。我双腕上的尖牙剐蹭着水底的石面，摩擦的感觉让我牙根发酸，但即便我在地面上用力抠到手指发疼，也未能向前半步。In a panic, I try to drag myself closer to the hole, but I’m not moving. The fangs on my wrists rake across the stone beneath the water, setting my teeth on edge, but even with my aching fingers clawing at the floor, I make no headway.我扭过身，看看自己是不是被什么东西钩住了，结果大惊失色。I twist around to see if I’m caught on something, and blanch.一块掉落的石板压在我后腰上——可能就是天棚上的逃生路径崩落的那一块。我用力踢，没有反应。我用力推，没有反应。我尝试了各种办法，扭动、尖叫、无力地拍打。渐渐地，石板滑落，掉到了一旁。而我环顾身边，上涨的水面被染红了。A slab of fallen debris—probably the exact piece that opened that treacherous escape route—is crushing my lower back. I kick at it, and nothing happens. I push it, and nothing happens. I try everything, squirming and screaming and flailing weakly. Slowly the block tumbles from me and splashes to the side. Around me, the rising waters flush red.我的双腿没知觉了。I can’t feel my legs.“实验结束时间为五时过二，不对，过三分。”“Experiment ends at... two, no, three past fifth bell.”我转过身，看到那个缠着绷带的人从窗口走开，消失不见。一下心跳过后，灯熄灭了。突如其来的爆炸、我的瘫痪、我的反抗——不知道是那个变量让他认为自己的实验前功尽弃了，只好用水冲干净。I turn just in time to watch the bandaged man walk away from the window and out of sight. A heartbeat later, the lights go out. The sudden explosions, my paralysis, or my defiance—I wonder which variable rendered his precious experiment worthless to him, worthy only of flushing.他不得好死。Curse him.我架起上半身，背靠在碎石瓦砾上坐起来，现在我的血在昏暗的祖安路灯下映成了黑色，感觉我身体中心的热量正在被抽走，我正在从里到外冻结。我已经不剩下什么了。I pull myself to a sitting position against the debris, my blood now black in the dim Zaun light. It feels like the heat is being sucked out of my core, and I’m being frozen from the inside out. I have nothing left.啜泣。我听到破坏者的啜泣，他绝望地蹲在角落，像一块巨石，双臂上的软管泛着绿色的荧光。Sobbing. I hear sobbing from Breaker, a boulder of despair hunkered in the corner, the tubes on his arms creating their own faint green illumination.我小声喊道。“嘿。”I keep my voice low. “H-hey.”他立刻扭过头来。通过他双臂植入体的微弱荧光，可以隐约看到他的双眼只剩下两个窟窿，正淌着黑水。他的表情充满痛苦和失落，而他正在狂乱地摆头，寻找声音的来源。His head snaps up. Black streaks surround his ruined eyes, underlit by what that monster behind the glass did to his arms. An expression of anguish and loss twists on his face as he frantically angles his head to listen.“破、破坏者？”我浑身颤抖。说话都变得很艰难。“嘿，对、对、对不起，我不知道你的真名——”“B-Breaker?” I’m shivering. It’s hard to get the words out. “Hey, I’m s-s-sorry I don’t know your real—”破坏者站了起来，踉跄着蹚过深水，他的炼金科技植入体投射出狂野的光影。他向我冲过来，我紧闭双眼，等待着碰撞。Breaker rises, splashing and stumbling, his chemtech implants casting wild shadows. He charges toward me—I squeeze my eyes shut, awaiting the impact.我突然感觉有一只手，温热而且宽大，扣在我头顶。我睁开双眼，看到破坏者蹲在我面前，笨拙地轻拍我的脸和肩膀，似乎是在确认我是真实的。Suddenly I feel a hand, hot and enormous, on my head. I open my eyes, and Breaker is crouched in front of me, clumsily patting my face and shoulders, as if to make sure I’m real.透过天棚上的洞，远处传来一阵闪光，如同一道黄色的闪电，照亮了他。除去血渍和肿胀的伤，他看上去是那样纯真。那样孤独。A distant flash through the gap in the ceiling, like amber lightning, illuminates him. Under the blood and swelling, he looks so innocent. So alone.我要死了。I’m going to die.但破坏者不用死。But maybe Breaker doesn’t have to.“破坏者？破、破坏者，你、你一定要听我说。”他抓起我的手，扭头把耳朵冲着我。“有一条、一条路可以出去。”我对他说，“天棚上有个洞。你想、想逃出去，对吧？”“Breaker? B-Breaker, you ha-have to listen to... me.” He takes my hand and turns his head to point an ear my way. “There’s a way—a way out,” I tell him. “A hole in the ceiling. You w-want to get out of here, right?”他依然还握着我的手不肯放，用力点头，拽着我的身体前后摇晃。剧烈的痛感在我体内的寒冷中显得白热。我几乎甘之若饴。Still holding my hand, he nods so vigorously that he jerks my body back and forth. The pain is white hot against the ice cold filling me. I almost welcome it.“啊！好吧。好的。听、听我说！首先，你必须松开我的手——”“Aah! All right. Good. L-listen. Listen! Now, you’re g-going to have to let go of my ha—”他显然是不愿意的，依然死死地捏着我的手指。His refusal is clear in his death grip on my fingers.水面的高度现在开始拍打我胸前的棘刺。那些牙齿以微弱的力量咬合，渴望着找到宿主，似乎它们知道原本的目标就在附近。但我会先死的，轮不到它控制我。更别想控制破坏者。Water is now lapping against the column of weakly flexing barbs on my chest. They gnash, eager to latch on to a host, as if they know their intended target is near. But I’ll die before I do that to myself. Or Breaker.我的血水已经染红了周围的一大片，我的时间不多了。我必须抓紧。With so much of my blood swirling in the water around me, I don’t have long. I have to hurry.我抬起另一只手，轻轻放在他手上。“你、你不会有事的，破、破坏者。我保证。只不过你要……要先出去打探一下。”呼吸变得越来越困难了。“你、你能帮我这个忙吧？然后我们就能一起逃、逃走。”I bring up my other hand and gently unwrap his. “Y-you’re going to be fine, B-B-Breaker. I promise. I just need you to... to make sure it’s safe first.” Breathing’s harder now. “Y-you can do that for me? Then we can b-both get ou-out.”我在说谎，但这已足够让他松开手。Lies, but it’s enough to get him to release me.我轻轻推起他的手肘，引导他站起来。我忍着疼痛伸展手臂，轻轻把他推向那个被炸开的裂缝。I nudge his elbow, guiding him to stand. Stretching despite the pain, I give him a tiny shove forward, toward the blown-open gap.我的双手落回到冰冷的水中，他的体温可能是我感受到的最后的温暖了。I let my arms fall back into the ice-cold water, realizing that his was probably the last warmth I’ll ever feel.“听、听我的声音。我来、来指挥你！”水面已经没到我的脖子了，我止不住地颤抖，甚至无法稳住视线。“往前，再走几步。小心，别、别被绊倒，然后——”他的小腿踢到了崩落的墙壁，大叫了一声。“好的，你、你、你没事的。踩、踩上去。好。现在伸手摸墙、墙、墙。摸到了吗？好。很好。墙砖之间有缝隙。顺着缝隙爬上去。伸手，往上够，破坏者。没错——那里就是出口。”“J-j-just listen to my voice. I’ll g-guide you!” The water’s at my neck now, and I’m shaking so much it’s hard to see straight. “Forward, just a few steps. Careful, th-there’s d-debris, and—” He smashes his shin into a fallen piece of wall and yelps. “All right, y-y-y-you’re all right. S-step up onto it. Good. Now r-reach out to the w-w-wall. Feel it? Good. That’s good. There are cracks between the bricks. Use them to cl-climb. Now reach up. Reach up, Breaker. That’s it—that’s the w-way out.”我向后仰头，用力吸气，水面已经升到我的下巴。我大部分身体都没知觉了。I tilt my head back to get a breath of air, the water at my jaw. At least I can’t feel most of my body now.“爬上去，破、破坏者。”我喘不上气。最后我伸长了脖子，急促地说，“保重——”“Climb, B-Breaker,” I gasp. Then I stretch my neck and splutter, “Goodb-b—”水面淹没了我的脸，虽然一切都已结束，但我还是憋着最后一口气。我的心跳声在耳畔轰鸣。我发现自己很喜欢听。我会想念这个声音的。The water’s over my face, and despite everything, I’m holding this last breath. My heart beats loud in my ears. It occurs to me that I like the sound of it. I’ll miss it.我的肺叶开始感到灼烧。就是这样了。我的心脏在咆哮。我麻木的双臂胡乱挥舞。我的双眼重新睁开，我的胸腔在徒劳地起伏，渴求着空气。我止不住呛咳，吐出了一小口气，吞下了一嘴苦涩的地沟水。My lungs start to burn. This is it. My heart roars. My numb arms thrash. My eyes flicker open and my chest heaves, hungry for air. I cough out part of that last breath and gobble a mouthful of bitter sump water.剩下的只有恐慌。There is only panic.我的手碰到了什么东西，于是本能地想要把自己推开。上去。随便逃到哪里都行。可我被卡住了。我动不了。我喘不上气也动不了。突然我的全部视野都被破坏者的脸填满。不！别让他也死在这里！我拼命挣扎，但没有用。我的身体不行了。我不行了。我的视野变得狭窄、黑暗，填满了灰色。我看到破坏者转过身，我隐约地希望他能成功出去。My hand hits something, and I instinctively try to push off from it. Up. Anywhere. But I’m caught. I can’t move. There’s no air and I can’t move. Suddenly my whole vision is taken up by Breaker’s face. No! Not him, too! I struggle, but there’s nothing. My body is giving up. I’m giving up. My vision narrows and darkens; grayness fills it. I see Breaker turning, and distantly hope he’ll make it.有什么地方不太对。又好像感觉非常对。我分辨不清。有体温，有动静。我感到自己被扶了起来。我的身体在抽搐，我的心跳在减弱，但我的视野突然锐利了一瞬间。透过地沟水，我看到了破坏者的后脑勺。我的前胸，不，是我前胸镶着的那些东西感受到了喂到嘴边的脊椎，向后屈曲，像一张打哈欠的巨口，准备咬合。一阵舒爽的疼痛。Something’s wrong. Or right. I can’t tell. There’s warmth and movement. I feel myself being lifted up. My body convulses and my vision turns sharp for just one beat of my weakening heart. Through the water, I see the back of Breaker’s head. My chest, no, the things in my chest sense the spine pressed against them, and flex back to strike, stretching like a too-big yawn. A welcome pain.不行。很好。不行！No. Yes. No!……我不想死！... I don’t want to die!随着我胸口的棘刺插下去，我用手腕上的长牙扎进他脖子侧面。As the barbs in my chest clamp down, I plunge my fangs deep into the sides of his neck—咯吱。CRUNCH.我/们活了！I/we live!我们依然被淹在水面以下，但我们的肺泡里充满了空气（同时也没有空气）。我们的肢体强壮有力（同时也虚弱残破）。我们又能看见了（一直都能）。We’re still submerged, but our lungs are full of air (and empty). Our limbs are strong and powerful (and weak and broken). We can see again (like always).我/们划着水，游向朦胧的光。我/们抬起手，推开一根挡路的铁条。我们的手出奇地大，而且位置比我们预计的更靠左，我们差点用力过猛。调整。我们已经熟练了。推力很大，铁条向后面飞速离开。我们向上踩水，朝着天棚上的洞游过去，拉近最后一段距离。我们翻身爬上了房顶。出来了。I/we push off for the faint light through the water. I/we bring up our hand to shove a metal bar out of the way. Our hand is shockingly big, and farther left than we expected, and we almost overshoot. Adjust. We’ve got it now. It’s so easy to push. The bar goes flying back. We kick upward and swim toward the hole in the ceiling, pulling ourselves up the last distance. We flop onto the roof, outside.空气。Air.我们咳出肺里的水，另一个肺深呼吸。We cough up the water in our lungs, while our other lungs breathe deeply.不对，不是我们的肺……是我的肺。我的心在狂跳。我的头脑在飞速旋转。No, not our lungs... my lungs. My hearts beat hard and fast. My minds reel.我借助强有力的双臂从屋子侧面爬下去。当我双脚着地，感觉地面更远了，也稍微变近了，我的重心偏向一侧。我的听觉变得前所未有地准确，还能分辨深度。I climb down the side of the building with my powerful arms. When my feet touch the ground, it seems at once far away and slightly closer, offset to the side. I can hear with a depth and precision I couldn’t have imagined.闻起来我们在祖安深处。我周围全都是漏水的货箱和蠕动着的潮湿垃圾，这是一座旧工厂的后院。头顶高处，一段距离开外，一段倒塌的塔楼颤巍巍地倚在沟壑一侧的岩壁上，次生爆炸依然在发出黄色的火花和轰隆的响声。It smells like we’re deep in Zaun. I’m surrounded by leaking containers and heaps of wriggling, sodden trash, in a courtyard behind an old factory. High above, some distance away, a segment of fallen tower is precariously leaning against a chasm wall, yellow flashes and rumbles still issuing from secondary explosions.那里的爆炸给了我自由。创造了我。The source of my freedom. Of my creation.一阵异响吓了我一跳，我身后的牢房墙壁剥落了一块碎石，我想起来刚刚自己与死亡的距离。差点死在他的手里。I start at the sound of a piece of rubble falling from the cell wall behind me, and I’m reminded just how close I came to death. At his hands.这地方不能待（恐惧！）。I can’t stay here (fear!).我还没反应过来，但双腿已经跑起来了。Before I know it, I’m running.快乐至极。整个世界向我身后飞奔，我的双腿强壮又灵活，难以置信。我就像一道闪电，低头钻进一条小巷。我前方的道路被一扇门挡住，但我已提前找到上方伸出来的管道，可以借助一条悬挂着的副手悠荡攀爬过去。It’s exhilarating. I’m shocked by how fast the world goes by, how easily my legs move. Quick as a flash, I duck down an alley. There’s a gate blocking my path, but I’ve already spotted an outcropping of pipes I can vault from, and a hanging railing I can use to swing over it.我曾经的两个自己都不可能做到，但我可以。对我来说太轻松了。Neither of my past selves could have done this, but I can. It’s so easy.我轻盈地着陆，几乎没有减速。着陆的冲击带来了痛觉——我的一根脊梁断了，但感觉很遥远，已经算不上是什么严重的伤。现在，我的优势力量相互补充，我的弱点已经被认清、被填平。我从未感到如此自信——比以往的我更加强大，更加完整。我对自己不再感到局促。I land lightly, and barely slow down. The impact hurts—one of my spines is broken, but it’s distant, no longer a devastating injury. Now, my strengths complement each other, my weaknesses recognized and supported. I’ve never felt this way before—greater than I was, more complete. At ease with myself.我向前大步慢跑，离开了小巷，冲进了光荣进化教堂门前正在离场的人群。这群人杂七杂八地装配了机械足、呼吸面罩、额外的机械臂，还有其他更奇怪的增强体。I lope onward, exiting the alleyway and running straight into a small crowd leaving a Church of the Glorious Evolved–a mass of mechanical legs, breather masks, extraneous metal arms, and other, stranger augments.但这些执迷于增强体的教众全都停在原地，瞪着我。But each and every one of these unsettling, augment-obsessed cultists stops dead in their tracks to stare at me.“他后背上有东西。”一个安装了机械眼的人说。“He’s got something on his back,” a mechanical-eyed man says.“这是什么东西？”一个装着背入式义体肺的女人问道。“What is that?” a woman with a back-mounted prosthetic lung asks.“它在吃他！”第三个声音从人群后面喊叫道。“It’s feeding on him!” an unseen third hysterically yells from the rear of the crowd.人们的表情从惊讶变为嫌恶。我向后退，但发现自己被包围了。Expressions change from shock to revulsion. I back up, but I’m surrounded.有人推搡我的后背。我想让他们停下。Someone shoves me from behind. I try to tell them to stop.“求——移我——安点。”“Pleas— —eave me— —lone.”“——你们。离——远——”“—ASE. LEA— —E ALO—”从两张嘴里说出的字重叠在一起。我还从未听过我自己的新声音，听上去既熟悉又陌生。进化教众似乎听不懂。一块石头掠过我的头。The words tumble out on top of each other, issuing from two mouths. I’ve never heard my new voice before, and it sounds both familiar and strange. The Evolved don’t seem to understand. A rock flies past my head.“停——手。我什么——都没干。也没伤害你们——你们。”我苦苦哀求道。我的声音不同步，就像用回声讲话。我的声音不听我使唤，这些人也听不进去！“STOP-op. I HAVE-haven’t done anything-THING to you-YOU,” I beg. My words are still out of sync—it’s like talking through an echo. My voice won’t do what I want, and these people won’t listen!一个黄头发的人从人群中站出来，他的增强手腕上安装了一把锤子模样的义体。他举起手准备攻击。A yellow-haired man steps forward from the group, attaching a heavy hammer-like prosthetic to his augmented wrist. He raises it to attack.“我说，离我远点！”这是我真正的声音。像钟声一样清晰——在失谐中共鸣。但说话已经没有用了。“I said leave me alone!” It’s my true voice. Clear as a bell—harmonious in the discord. But words won’t help me now.狂乱之中，我环顾四周看到一附近有根蒸汽管道，从小巷顶端横跨。就在那个人即将袭来的时候，我向上一跃，把管子拽了下来挡住了攻击。锤子打破了管壁，滚烫的蒸汽喷到他脸上。他惨叫着向后躺倒。Frantic, I look around and find a steam pipe near me, bridging the alleyway from above. Just before my would-be attacker strikes, I leap up, hauling the pipe down to block. The hammer pierces it, and scalding vapor blasts into his face. He falls backward, screaming.我在叫嚣和威胁声中逃跑。我不知道自己要去哪，只是沿着黑色卵石的街道向前冲。我跑过租户区和角落的商铺，经过两个踩高跷的炼金苦工，和一个弹簧商人。我全速通过楼梯和转角。我飞奔越过一座小桥，脚下的鞋跟发出金属碰撞的声音，这时我在街边摊贩旁闻到了一股半熟悉的气味。我藏在一个无人的摊床后面，深吸一口。I hear their yells and threats as I run away. I don’t know where I’m going as I charge down the dark cobblestone streets. I run past tenement blocks and corner stores, past a pair of stilt-walking chem-jacks and a spring merchant. I take stairs and corners at speed. I’m sprinting across one of the smaller bridges, iron clanging beneath my boots, when I catch a half-familiar whiff from one of the street vendors. I duck behind an empty stall and inhale deeply.在脑海中的遥远角落，我记得这股味——我记得自己来过这里……和妈妈一起。她会给我两枚铜圈，让我去找买粥的婶婶，然后我会带着一碗热气腾腾的粥回家。From a distant corner of my mind, I remember the smell—I remember coming here with... with Mama. She’d give me two washers for the porridge lady, and I’d carry a steaming bowl home.家。想到这里我的双眼开始盈溢。家，在那里我可以躲藏，可以休息，可以安心。Home. My eyes well up at the thought. Somewhere I can hide, somewhere I can rest, somewhere safe.家就在不远处！It’s not far from here!这一次，我带着决心奔跑。沿着岩壁爬上三段石阶，经过破旧的温室，然后贴着工坊林，经过两条街。This time, I’m running with heartsick purpose. Up three flights of stone steps on the chasm side, past the old broken glasshouse, then down two streets to the edge of the Factorywood.我还没反应过来，就已经站在了曾经的家门口。一座焦黑的残骸，早已被人遗弃。我的头脑试图处理这一切。这里曾是我的家（不对，不是）。我和妈妈和哥哥一起住在这里（不对，没有）。她把墙刷成了黄色，说这是流动的阳光（我从没来过）。Before I know it, I arrive at what was once my home. A charred husk remains, long since abandoned. My mind tries to make sense of it. This was my home (no, it wasn’t). I lived here with my mama and brother (no, I didn’t). She’d painted the walls yellow and said it was liquid sunshine (I’ve never been here).我小心地沿着弯曲的楼梯向上走，无数次暴风雨已经浸透的木板。楼梯扶手的触感很熟悉（陌生）。I carefully make my way up warped stairs sodden from countless rainstorms. The railing feels familiar (alien) to my hand.我推开残破的门，眼前的景象开始模糊。回忆中快乐明媚的微笑与现实中过火的残骸对撞到一起。我的两张脸上都留下泪水。这里曾发生过可怕的事，而我却想不起来。I push open the ruin of the door, and my vision swims. My happy memories of bright smiles clash with the reality of burnt remains and debris. Tears stream down my faces. Something terrible happened here, but I can’t remember.通往里屋的门早已脱轴倒下，屋顶也已塌陷，但我的眼睛被吸引到左侧的角落，那曾是我睡觉的地方——一张被烟熏黑的小床摆在那。我走近了一些，终于，我看到了床边墙上刻着的名字：The door to the back room has long fallen from its hinges, and the roof is collapsed in, but my eyes are drawn to the left corner, where I once slept—a small cot lies blackened with soot. I approach, and for the first time, I read the name scratched into the wall beside it:“帕洛。”“Palo.”是我。我是哈德里——不对，我是帕洛。这两个都是曾经的我，但曾经在这里生活的那个我，是帕洛。哈德里的母亲因难产而死，但帕洛是被妈妈养大的。That’s me. My name is Hadri—I mean, Palo. I was both, but the me that lived here, that was Palo. Hadri’s mother died in childbirth, but Palo was raised by his mama.究竟发生了什么？一场事故？一场袭击？妈妈惹了不该惹的炼金男爵？还是……还是我不小心惹了祸？What happened? An accident? An attack? Did Mama anger the wrong chem-baron? Did... did I do something without realizing?妈妈的桌子已经被雨水泡烂了，但朽木之中有一样反光的东西。她的手持小镜子。镜面碎裂了，可能是失火的时候被烧的。我把镜子捡起来。当我还是哈德里的时候，我根本不敢看自己被那个缠绷带的人变成了什么样，但那已经是上辈子的事了。我已经变得如此不同，我必须看看自己。Mama’s desk is a drenched wreck, but something glints in the pile of wood. Her hand mirror. It’s cracked, likely from the heat. I pick it up. When I was Hadri, I couldn’t bring myself to look at what the bandaged man had turned me into, but that was a lifetime ago. I’m different in so many ways, and I have to know.我照镜子。I look.镜子里的是噩梦。一个遍体鳞伤、双目失明的人站在那里，两条小臂缠绕着、穿插着发绿光的管线。一条恶心的寄生虫挂在他后背上，两只枯瘦的手绕住他的脖子，如同注射器针头般的长牙还露在外面。它干枯的双腿无力地下垂。一双充血的大眼睛从那个人的肩膀后面偷瞄，眼前的恐怖景象让它瞪大双眼。A nightmare looks back. A beaten, bloodied, and blinded man stands there—forearms encircled and pierced by glowing green tubes and cables. Hooked on to his back is a sickly parasite, its shriveled arms wrapped around his neck, their syringe-like fangs barely concealed. Its withered legs dangle uselessly. Bloodshot, beady eyes peer from behind the man’s shoulder, widening in horror at what they see.我感到一阵恶心。我放下了镜子，两只最大的手想把寄生虫扯下来。我可怕至极。（我现在聪明了！）我只是一个失败的实验产物。（我变得更优秀了！）永远都不可能有人爱我。（我爱这个新的我！）我将永远孤独。（我不想孤独！）Revulsion washes over me. I drop the mirror, and my largest hands scramble to tear the parasite from its host. I’m hideous. (I’m smart now!) I’m just a failed experiment. (I’m better now!) No one could ever love me. (I love my new self!) I’ll always be alone. (I don’t want to be alone!)孤独。我太孤独了。Alone. I was so alone.两辈子的苦涩孤独向我袭来，我仰起头对天嗥叫。这不是人能忍受的感觉。没人能感觉得到。我叫出双份的失落，共同的失落。我叫出对自己的同情，彼此深切的失落。在祖安上空，我听到了其他嗥叫声——来自动物、人类、还有半人半兽的生物。说起来很矛盾，但这一刻，他们在共同宣告他们的孤独。The bitter loneliness of two lives hits me, and I throw back my heads and howl. No one person should ever feel this. No one person can. I howl for losses doubled, and losses shared. I howl in sympathy for myself, and for the depth of loss in another. Across Zaun, I hear others take up the cry—animals, humans, and something in between—who for one moment, paradoxically, are together in their loneliness.我双膝跪地，双脚无力地扫在身后的地板上。I collapse to my knees, my feet uselessly brushing against the floor behind me.我会活下去。不以帕洛或者哈德里的身份。不以破坏者或思考者的身份。我同时身为他们两个，或者他们四个。这样的我更优秀。I will live. Not as Palo or Hadri. Not as Breaker or Thinker. I’m both, or all of them. I’m better this way.我从墙上撕下一条烧毁一半的窗帘，披在肩上，小心不遮住视线。I tear one of the half-burned curtains from the wall and throw it over my shoulders, careful not to obscure my vision.我的回忆太奇怪了，太复杂了，太令人困惑了。我不能留在这里。我走到门外，走下台阶，心里想着像我这样的怪物能到哪去。My memories are too strange, too complex, too confusing. I can’t stay here. I walk out the door and down the steps as I try to decide where a monster like me can possibly go.咔哒click“虽然遭遇了，或者应该说是恰恰因为经历了意外的、爆炸性的复杂事件，第一阶段宿主实验终于完成了。”“In spite of, or perhaps due to, unexpected and explosive complications, stage one of the host experiment has finally completed.”咔哒click我僵住了。囚禁我的人就站在房子门前的狭窄街道上，一支气动麻醉枪瞄着我。他皮带上的药瓶碰撞着发出恶毒的响动，里面装着未知的液体（烧灼感！），他身后的背包可能还准备了更多可怕的物件。I freeze. My captor stands on the narrow street in front of the house, a pneumatic-powered dart gun leveled at me. Vials on his belt clink menacingly, filled with unknown liquids (it burns!), and a bag on his back suggests he has many more terrible things at hand.他把我变成了这个样子。He did this to me.我能感受到胸膛里怒火汹涌，我的两颗心脏敲打着彼此，中间只隔着几根肋骨。我本能地向他迈进一步。I can feel the fury swell in both of my chests, my hearts thumping against each other with just ribcages between them. I take an instinctual step toward him.“别想太多！”他发出警告，同时不屑地把麻醉枪瞄向一旁，扣动扳机，插中一只巨大的铬绿色甲虫。我惊恐地看到，麻醉镖里的液体注入甲虫的身体，几乎立刻就把它溶解了，它发出的叫声在我四只耳朵里响亮异常。“I don’t think so!” he warns. He casually flicks the dart thrower to the side, pulls the trigger, and spears a large viridian beetle straight through. I watch, horrified, as the liquid in the dart releases into its body, dissolving it almost immediately, its screams all too audible in my four ears.他的枪已经重新装好了弹药，再次瞄准了我。我举起了两只手。His gun is already reloaded, and it’s aimed at me again. I raise two of my hands.咔哒click“接下来的问题请思考者个体回答。需要立刻作答，否则我将施加激励性压力。”“The following questions are for the Thinker entity. Answer quickly, or I’ll apply motivational pressures.”“什么？”“What?”“安静。第一个问题：你的全名是什么？”“Quiet. First question: what is your full name?”麻醉枪丝毫没有动摇，他细长、肮脏的手指悬停在录音设备的按钮上。The dart gun doesn’t waver as his long, stained finger hovers over the recording device’s switch.“哈德里•斯比尔韦泽”我环顾四周寻找出路。躲藏的地方。任何机会。“Hadri Spillwether.” I look around for a way out. Somewhere to run. Anything.“很好。下一个问题。你父亲的名字是什么？”“Good. Next question. What was your father’s name?”我父亲？我不知道我——等等，不对，我的确有父亲。我在他病情加重的时候照顾过他。他名叫……他名叫……My father? I didn’t know my—wait, no, I did have a father. I looked after him when the disease worsened. His name... his name was...“抓紧时间。回答问题！”缠着绷带的人用命令的口吻说。“Hurry up. Answer the question!” the bandaged man demanded.“阿尔冯！阿尔冯•斯比尔韦泽！”我说话的口吻不知为何显得很放松。很绝望。“Arvon! Arvon Spillwether!” I sounded more relieved than I expected. More desperate.“哼。再快点。你住在哪？你从事什么职业？我们在学院第一次见面的时候我说我叫什么？”“Hmph. Faster! Where did you live? What was your profession? What did I call myself when we first met at the Academy?”“这！我住在这——不对，等等。我……我不住……四五幺！嗅花公寓四五幺房间！职业？我……我是文员？我记不……记不清了。太久以前了！”我在流汗，无奈地摇摇头。全乱套了。“Here! I lived he—no, wait. I... I don’t... Four-five-one! Room four-five-one at the Smellbloom Lodging House! Profession? I... Was I a clerk? I can’t... I don’t remember. It was so long ago!” I’m sweating, shaking my heads. It’s all mixed up.咔哒click“悲哀。太浪费了。退化成了某种不可分的人格，污染了原始心智的纯粹。不适合进行进一步探索。”他喃喃自语，然后扭转脚跟，打算走开。“Pathetic. What a waste. Devolved into some sort of gestalt entity, contaminating the purity of the primary mind. Unsuitable for further exploration,” he mutters. Then he turns on his heel and starts to walk away.我感到两张脸上表情扭曲，都戴上了纯粹狂怒的面具。I feel my faces scrunch into masks of pure rage.他把我变成了这个样子。他用炼金火焰点了我的房子——我还记得那天的大火。他利用了我寻找解药的希望。He made me what I am. He set my house ablaze with chemical fire—I remember now how it burned. He exploited my hope for a cure.现在，他要付出代价。And now, he will pay.我距离他四步远。现在只剩两步。他突然原地转身，朝我脚下扔了一瓶药。我勉强又迈出一步，随后发现我的靴子被牢牢粘在地面。我只差两个指节的长度就能抓到他，结果却只是抓了个空。I’m four paces away from him. Now two. Then he spins on the spot and smashes a vial of something at my feet. I barely take another step when I find that my boots are glued fast to the ground. He’s two fingertips out of my reach, and I claw at the air uselessly.“思考者思考到头了吧，”他说，“我真的是太乐观了。以后肯定不会再犯同样的错误。”“So much for being a Thinker,” he says. “I really was too optimistic. I certainly won’t make that mistake again.”他后退一大步，转身沿着一条小道走去。那条路是利文狭巷——我记得很清楚。他从视线消失的同时，我立刻弯腰解开鞋带，把靴子撑到能掏出脚的程度。我奋力一跃，赤脚追在他身后，进入了狭巷。He takes a long step backward, and turns to head down a narrow alleyway. Leven Wynd—I remember it clearly. The second he’s out of sight, I hunker down and quickly untie my laces, loosening them enough to step out of my boots. With one strong leap, I’m padding barefoot after him down the wynd.巷子里很黑，但我的听觉已经变敏锐了。我能听到他在第一个拐角的尽头，依然念叨着实验对象和来源。这里臭气熏天，我尽量不去想脚下踩到了什么，小心躲开窄沟和住户门口的木板。当我来到拐角处，他已经走到下一段巷子的中间，在昏暗的灯光和烟雾中依稀可见。我俯身从地上捡起一截断掉的管子当作武器，站直身体的同时感到一股热血上头。It’s dark in the alley, but my hearing is sharpened. I can hear him at the end of the first turn, still muttering to himself about subjects and sources. It stinks here, and I try not to think about what I’m stepping in as I navigate past the narrow gaps and boarded-up doorways. By the time I reach the corner, he’s halfway down the next stretch, barely visible in the gloom and the smog. I lean down to wrench a broken pipe from the ground as a weapon, and feel a rush as I straighten.他不见了。He’s gone.不可能！我向前大步慢跑，检查沿路的门。空气混浊，我想用肩上的窗帘掩盖我的咳嗽，但我只能捂住一张嘴。我有点头晕，转身望向身后。迷雾笼罩——不知哪来的雾。Impossible! I lope onward, checking doorways as I go. The air is nasty, and I try to muffle my coughs with my curtain, but I can only cover one mouth. I’m getting dizzy, and I turn around to look back the way I came. It’s hazy—too hazy.他正在放出某种毒气！我把窗帘缠在一张嘴前，把另一张嘴埋在肩膀上，试图尽可能减少呼吸。这是陷阱。He’s using some kind of gas! I wrap the curtain around one of my mouths and bury the other into my shoulder, trying to breathe as little as possible. This is a trap.我试图走回家的方向——但刚刚的那个转角似乎变得遥远了许多。我一定要回去。我开始奔跑，但一扇门突然打开了——红色的，金属的，还带着尖刺，直接打在我脸上。我摔倒了。I try to stagger back toward home—the corner looks farther away than I remember. I need to make it. I start to run, but one of the doors—red, metal, and spiked—suddenly opens, smashing into my face. I fall.我的手脚，感觉全都变得异常沉重。异常沉重。我觉得我自身的重量要把我的脊柱压断了，但现在就连呼吸都很难。My limbs, all of them feel so heavy. So heavy. I think I’m crushing myself with my own weight on my back, but it’s already so hard to breathe.我要死了。I’m going to die.那个缠着绷带的人低头看着我。我的两张脸上留着眼泪，仰视这个即将杀死我的人，然后我想起来了。The bandaged man stands over me. Tears streaming from my faces, I look up at my murderer, and I remember.我透过绷带的隐约轮廓，看到了一张曾经的面孔——带着彩色墨镜，下巴刮得光滑整洁。我第一次见到他，是在几年以前，当时他正走廊里，从实验室赶往演讲厅，他是自己所处环境的掌控者，我仰视着他，充满钦佩、羡慕、还有某种当时没认清的情感（恐惧！）。他走过的地方残留着古龙水的香味。他停下脚步看着我——眼神里不是可怜，和其他人不一样，是一种兴奋和期待。他做了自我介绍。Overlaid upon his face, I see a face from before—with tinted glasses and a clean-shaven jaw. When I first met him, years ago, he strode down the hallway from lab to lecture hall, master of his environment, looked upon with admiration, envy, and something I hadn’t recognized (fear!). In his wake was the faintest scent of cologne. He had stopped and looked at me—not with pity, as I was used to, but with a shadow of excitement and anticipation. He’d introduced himself.“辛吉德。你说你是辛——辛吉德教授。”“Singed. You said you were Professor SIN-Singed.”我的声音失去了协调，在我临终的时刻，我又成为孤独的一人。The harmony drops from my voices, and in my last moment, I am alone again.撕心裂肺的孤独。Crushingly, painfully, deeply alone.辛吉德在他的随身物品里疯狂地摸索，绝望地翻找什么。找解药？找良心？Singed scrambles madly among his things, desperately searching for something. A cure? A mercy?原来是他的录音装置。他打开开关，附下身观察我。His recording device. He clicks it on and drops to his haunches to observe.“哦，干得好，四号思考者。这意味着你……没错……你比二号思考者回答出的问题还多！你帮大忙了。”“Oh, well done, Thinker Four. That puts you... yes... more answers than even Thinker Two! You’ve been most helpful.”他关闭了录音装置。He clicks off his recording device.那是我听到的最后一个声音。It’s the last thing I hear.