最是离人心 The Weakest Heart

“你本该杀了她。”

“You should have killed her.”

弟弟把一支漏勺支在茶杯精致的边沿，精心摆上两方砂糖。他愉快地注视着茶水浇落。方糖渐渐融化坍陷，他脸上的皱纹咧开来，忍不住发出了一声快活的轻笑。砂糖剩下的最后一点残渣无处可逃，终于跌进了深色的茶汤里。

My brother settled two cubes of sugar neatly in a slotted spoon suspended on the fine lip of his teacup. His gleeful attention turned to the pouring of the tea. The wrinkles on his face pulled back into a smile and a delighted giggle escaped as he watched the shapes melt and fall into each other. Unable to flee, the last remnants of sweetness collapsed under the dark brew.

“索菲亚小姐不是问题。”我说。

“Lady Sofia will not be a problem,” I said.

斯蒂万生气了，他用力地在空中挥了一下手：“现在还不是，可之后呢？姐姐，意气用事会出问题的。”他抬起头看着我，问道：“趁房子还没烧起来，最好把火星先吹灭了，对吗？”

Stevan batted a hand in the air, annoyed. “Today maybe, but tomorrow? Emotions fester if left unchecked, sister.” He looked up at me, questioning. “Better to snuff the spark before it sets the house on fire, no?”

“我已经和阿比诺家的密探头子说过——。”

“I have spoken to the Arvino’s principal intelligencer—”

“那是你们密探之间的事情。我要说的是，她背叛了自己的家族，就该以命相抵——”

“You intelligencers and your deals. I still say she betrayed her house and should pay for it with her life—”

“会有那么一天的。”我尽量放松语气：“但我已经同意了。阿达伯特会保证让她别惹麻烦的。她现在归他管了。”

“There may come a time for that,” I said, softening my tone. “But I have made the agreement. Adalbert will see she stays out of trouble. She is his responsibility.”

我要说的话都说完了。斯蒂万靠在椅背上，脸上的表情虽然不太情愿，但也接受了。他抠弄起腿上的羊毛毯。

My part in the discussion was over. Stevan leaned back in his chair with a look of begrudging acceptance and picked at the blanket laid over his lap.

“那个男的，应该用的是装在他脑袋上的另一对眼珠子。”斯蒂万轻声哼了一句。在他看来，事情怎么解决根本无所谓，重要的永远是结果。对于我这位弟弟来说，我的修修补补确实能让消灭皮城里的许多问题。而他也很少考虑过，促成那些决定的背后，有多少左右为难的抉择。

“That man could use another pair of eyes installed in his head,” Stevan harrumphed quietly. In Stevan’s view, it was never about the pursuit of a solution, just the end result. For my brother, the fixes I doled out could make many problems in Piltover disappear. Rarely did he consider the choices leading up to those decisions.

我一手端起茶杯，另一手心不在焉地滑到大腿外侧，安心地抚摸着钩索的绞盘。斯蒂万的想法也不能说全然错误。结果自然是很好的，但我更看重追逐的过程。

I held my cup in one hand and let the other drift absently to my hip, taking comfort in the grapple line spooled there. Stevan was partially right. End results were nice, but I much preferred the chase.

我透过氤氲的茶水雾气看着斯蒂万。他双唇紧闭，似乎下定了什么决心。压力让他的脸颊变得苍白，可以明显地看到老人斑从他的丝绸围巾下爬上脖颈。

I watched Stevan through the steam of my drink. He pursed his lips as if deciding something. The pressure whitened the skin on his chin and highlighted the age spots that crept up past the silk wrapped around his neck.

“你还有事。”我说。

“There is something else,” I said.

“我有这么明显吗，姐姐？”

“Am I that obvious, sister?”

要不是因为他脆弱的脉搏，我猜他肯定已经脸红了。他苦笑了一下，从横在中间的桌子抽屉里取出一片叠好的纸，还有一串念珠。斯蒂万一边费力地咳嗽，一边向后倒了一下轮椅。然后扳了一下轮椅上的小把手，轻缓的动作带动了小齿轮，又牵动起更大的齿轮。发条装置推着轮椅，还有坐在轮椅上的他，朝我挪过来。

I think he would have blushed if his weak pulse had allowed it. He smiled painfully instead and pulled a folded piece of paper and a beaded chaplet from a drawer in the desk between us. Stevan rolled his wheeled chair back, coughing with the effort. On the chair, he turned small levers, the modest effort driving little cogs that drove bigger cogs, until the clockwork mechanism pushed the wheels toward me, and him with it.

“除了阿比诺家大小姐短命的婚约，那堆烂摊子里还有别的。”他说。“清理现场的时候，我们在男爵的一个手下身上找到了这个。”

“Lady Arvino’s short-lived engagement was not the only thing uncovered during this mess,” he said. “This was found on one of the Baron’s men during the clean up.”

我将茶杯放回雪白的托盘，接过了他递来的纸片和念珠。我调整了一下重心，刀刃的尖端在昂贵的地毯上又刺进了几分。

I set my cup down in its pale saucer and took the scrap of paper and chaplet he offered. I shifted the balance of the blades beneath me, and their sharpened points dug deeper into the rich carpet.

纸片的边角已经烧焦了，不规则的边缘处露出了微微发绿的毛芯。念珠的主人很爱惜这物件：玻璃珠子被摩挲得油光水滑，温润如玉。

The edges of the note were charred, and a greenish hue wicked through the paper from the ragged singe. The chaplet had been well loved; the facets of the glass prayer stones were burnished and smooth.

“卡蜜尔。”

“Camille.”

弟弟只有在很正经的时候才会这样叫我的名字，又或者是他有求于我。我展开纸片，一股来自祖安的辛辣气味袭来，令人不适。纸上画着粗壮的线条、井井有序的图形，还有流畅精细的字迹。匠人的印鉴吸引了我的目光，而斯蒂万的话恰好确认了我的猜测。

My brother only said my name like that when he was serious. Or when he wanted something. I unfolded the note, a waft of Zaun’s acrid unpleasantness rising with it. I took in the strong lines. The diagramming was neat and orderly, the flowing script precise. My eyes found the artificer’s mark just as Stevan confirmed it.

“如果内德里回来了——”

“If Naderi has returned—”

“哈基姆·内德里已经走了。”我脱口而出，下意识地。

“Hakim Naderi is gone.” The words fell from my mouth, a reflex.

作为我们家族的首席技工，那位晶体学家服务了我们好多个年头——应该说是一辈子。

It had been more than just years since the crystallographer had served as lead artificer for our house, it had been a lifetime.

斯蒂万已经想好了下一步：“姐姐，你知道这是什么东西。”

Stevan contemplated his next move. “Sister, you know what this is.”

“当然。”我看着手里的纸片，上面的图案描绘着一个机械与晶体的混合装置。它就在我的胸膛里跳动着。

“Yes.” I looked down at the paper; the diagram mirrored the mechanical and crystalline construction that pulsed within my chest.

我手里拿着自己心脏的设计图。

I held my own heart’s design.

“我们以为这些玩意儿都被毁掉了。但是如果这个还在，其他的说不定也是。我终于可以摆脱这张椅子了。”他说，“在我的大屋里自由地走动，这才是一家之主的本分。”

“We thought them all destroyed. If this exists, others could as well. I could finally be free of this chair,” he said. “To walk about my house as the master of his clan should.”

“也许，是时候让别人来承担家主的义务了。”我说。

“Perhaps it is time to let another take on the responsibility of clan master,” I said.

斯蒂万已经很多年没有在他的厅堂里走动过了。儿孙们的活蹦乱跳时时都在提醒着他的残疾。我手里的东西可不仅仅是一张纸和一串念珠。在斯蒂万眼中，这是一张通往永生的地图。

It had been many years since Stevan had been able to navigate the halls on his own. Something his own children and grandchildren never let him forget. This wasn’t just a piece of paper and a string of prayers. For Stevan, this was a map to immortality.

“这只是一个装置。”我继续说下去：“在你看来，如果能找回内德里剩下的设计图，我们的技工就能复原他的作品。但是我们还要解决如何驱动——”

“This is only one schematic,” I continued. “You believe if we uncover the rest of Naderi’s designs, our artificers will be able to recreate his work. There would still be the question of how to power it—”

“卡蜜尔，拜托了。”

“Camille. Please.”

我看着我的弟弟。时间对待生来虚弱的他毫不留情。但他的眼睛，即使是过了这么多年，他的眼睛仍然和我一样，荡漾着菲罗斯家的湛蓝色，无论疾病还是岁月都无法冲淡。他的双眼，正如照亮我手中图画的海克斯水晶灯一般，闪耀着同样明亮的光彩。他直视着我，目光里满是恳求。

I looked at my brother. Time had not been kind to a body born frail. But his eyes, after all these years, his eyes were still like mine, the Ferros blue. That deep cerulean couldn’t be watered down by age or ailment. His eyes were the same luminous color as the hex-crystals lighting the drawing I held before me. His gaze pleaded with me now.

“你和我，我们俩带领着这个家族，获得了空前的成就，母亲和父亲做梦都想不到的成就。”他说。“如果我们可以重现你的增强手术，这份功绩——我们的功绩，卡蜜尔，就会永远存在下去。这个家族就是皮尔特沃夫的未来。我们甚至可以确保整个瓦洛兰的进化，毫无疑问。”

“You and I, we have led this house to greater success than Mother and Father ever dreamed,” he said. “If your augmentation can be repeated, this success—our success, Camille—it can go on forever. This house will ensure the future of Piltover. Indeed, we will ensure progress for all of Valoran.”

斯蒂万非常擅长小题大做，再加上他虚弱的体质，让父母很难拒绝他的任何要求。

Stevan always had a flair for the dramatic. Coupled with his weaker constitution, it had been difficult for our parents to deny him anything.

“我可不是负责整个瓦洛兰的探子。我可能什么也找不到。”

“I am not the intelligencer for all of Valoran. I may find nothing.”

斯蒂万松了口气：“但你会找的，对吧？”

Stevan gave a relieved sigh. “But you will look?”

我点点头，把图纸还给了他，但留下了念珠。我把珠子裹成一团塞进口袋，转身离开了书房。

I nodded and gave him back the schematic, but kept the chaplet, tucking the twisted loops into my pocket. I turned to leave the study.

“对了，卡蜜尔？如果他还活着，如果你找到了他——”

“And Camille? If he’s alive, if you find him—”

“和以前一样。”我打断道，不让他说起更多过去的事情。“我的责任，从始至终，都是为了这个家族的未来。”

“It will be as it was before,” I said, stopping my brother before he could unearth more of the past. “My duty, as always, is to the future of this house.”

虽然临近日暮，北风交易所仍是一派人头攒动的景象。所有人都在为了进步日的狂欢而忙碌着。他们一个个脸上都挂着一副劲头十足的表情，无不在期待着城里一年一度的新奇大典。然而，让我发现有人盯梢的不是他们，而是一个醉倒在地的外国客商。

The late afternoon crowds near the North Wind Commercia still swarmed in anticipation of the Progress Day revels. The people’s faces were flushed with the effort of making ready for the city’s annual observance of innovation. However, it was not they, but a foreign trader tottering from drink that revealed my second shadow.

“母熊的冻奶头哎，”商人受不了人群的拥挤，咒骂起来。有人停下来想扶他一把，却被他推开了。“不用帮我。”

“By an Ursine’s frozen teat,” the trader said, frustrated with the press of the crowd. He pushed away those who had stopped to assist him. “I need no help.”

皮城的人们像工蜂一样嘈杂地围过来挤到我们身边，除了广场边缘的一个金发女孩。我眼角的余光留意着她，一边朝着客商俯下身去。

Piltover’s worker bees thrummed around us, all except for one blonde drone at the edge of the square. I kept her in view as I leaned down to the trader in front of me.

“那就起来。”我跟他说。

“Then get up,” I told him.

弗雷尔卓德人抬头看了我一眼，然后怒火攻心，手探向腰间的象牙匕首。我迎上了他的目光。他的眼神一路往下，终于看到了我胸口的海克斯水晶，再往下是一双刃腿。他的手放开了刀柄。

The Freljordian looked up at me. His annoyance had him reaching for the carved tusk dagger at his waist. I met his glare and watched it slip down past the hex-crystal in my chest to my bladed legs. The man released his grip on the knife.

“这才是好孩子。走吧，别挡路。”我说。

“There’s a good boy,” I said. “Now get out of my way.”

他呆呆地点了点头，然后后退了几步，皮城的商贩们像虫群一样散开又聚拢到周围，簇拥着他踉踉跄跄地走远。只有我的“尾巴”站着没动，躲在远远的一个摊位后面盯着我。

He nodded dumbly. The trader backed away, and the mercantile hive mind of Piltover broke and reformed around him as he stumbled his way across the street. Only my shadow escort remained still, watching me from a distant market stall.

我继续往前走，人群自觉地分开成两边。我瞅了个机会，闪身钻进了一条死胡同，然后朝着高处一条走廊木栏射出钩索。我升到阴影中等待着。

I continued through the crowds, the people parting easily before me. When the opportunity presented itself, I ducked into a blind alley and fired my barbed grapple lines into a high wooden cross brace above the corridor. I drew myself up into the darkness above and waited.

没过多久，我的尾巴走进了巷子。她的衣服有好几层，是非常常见的祖安上层人打扮，毫不起眼，但她腰间挂着一条精美的鞭子，显然是皮城的东西，又或许是因为有一位足够慷慨的雇主。我等她走进一块光斑，刺目的光线会让她眼前发黑。她一到位置，我便落在了她身后，刀刃末端利索地嵌进了地面卵石的缝隙中。

A moment later, my escort entered the alleyway. Her clothes were layered and nondescript enough not to draw attention in the promenade levels of Zaun, but the ornamented whip at her side said Piltover, or at least a very generous sponsor. I let her walk a pace forward into a shaft of light that would blind her. Once she was in position, I dropped in behind, the tips of my blades slipping neatly into the cobblestone gristle.

“你掉东西了吗，小姑娘？”我压着嗓子，轻声问。

“Did you lose something, girl?” I said, letting a low growl roll over my whisper.

她的手忍不住摸向鞭子的黑色皮革把手。她有点激动，但好在理智最终占了上风。

Her hand crept toward the black leather handle of her whip. She was tempted, but good sense seemed to win out.

“好像已经找到了。”女孩两手放开举过肩膀。“我带了一条消息。”

“It seems I’ve found it.” The girl raised her open hands to her shoulders. “I bring a message.”

我挑起一边眉毛。

I arched an eyebrow.

“是您弟弟的，夫人。”她说。

“From your brother, ma’am,” she said.

斯蒂万这装神弄鬼的戏码迟早要弄出人命。

Stevan’s drama was going to be the death of someone if he wasn’t careful.

“放这儿吧。”

“Give it here.”

女孩一只手仍然举着，另一手从缠紧的袖子里抽出一张小纸条。蜡封上印着菲罗斯的家徽和斯蒂万自己的印鉴。

The girl kept one hand up and used the other to pull a small note from her tightly cuffed sleeve. The wax seal carried the Ferros sigil and Stevan’s personal mark.

“你动一下，我就割了你的喉咙。”我说。

“Move more than an eyelash, and I will slit your throat,” I said.

我打开了纸条，顿时怒意上涌。斯蒂万居然把我当成了他雇来的喽啰，提醒我不要在探查时心里带有“无法排解的感伤”，妨碍了我的使命。

I opened the note. I could feel my annoyance rise like a fever. Stevan had taken it upon himself to hire me a helper. In case my inquiry stirred up any “lingering sentimentality” that prevented me from seeing to my duty.

我告诫自己，他这么说是出于好意，但是就算过了这么多年，似乎他仍旧不相信我能处理好哈基姆的事情。他用腿上的羊毛毯盖住了这个念头，居然没胆子在我出发前当着我的面说出口。

I told myself he meant well, but even after all these years, it seems he did not trust me with Hakim. It was cowardice to hide these feelings behind his lap blanket and not tell me this to my face before I left.

“就冲你送来的这份侮辱，我就该杀了你。”我一边说，一边掂量着她的反应。“你的名字。”

“I should kill you for delivering the insult,” I said, weighing her response. “Your name.”

“阿芙耶。”她的双手和声音一样稳定。她很年轻，连一个指头也没增强过。

“Aviet.” She kept her hands and voice even. She was young, not even an augmented finger.

“你接了这个任务，很清楚惹恼我的后果吧？”

“And you took this assignment knowing the possible consequence of my irritation?”

“是的，我的夫人。我希望能让您高兴，这样一来说不定……在您家中我会有一个更长久的位置。”

“Yes, milady,” she said. “I hoped if I pleased you, there might be a more… permanent position within your house.”

“我明白了。”

“I see.”

我转过身背对着她，朝着巷子外面走去。如果她真的有想法的话，这就是动手的机会。我听到她松了一口气，然后是理顺鞭子时铁环撞击的刺耳声音。她的脚步跟了上来。

I turned my back to her and began walking out of the alley, giving her an opportunity to come at me if that was truly her intention. I could hear her exhaled breath and a raspy jangle as she brushed the coiled steel of the whip at her side. Her footsteps followed.

“夫人，我们目的地是？”

“Do we have a destination, milady?”

“教堂。”我摸着口袋里的念珠，说：“跟紧了。”

“Church,” I said, patting the chaplet in my pocket. “Keep up.”

光荣进化的第一集会应该还在皮尔特沃夫，但只在边缘活动。从边境市场的另一侧，下方城市飘来的恶臭盖过了节日里烤肉和蛋糕的香甜。祖安的灰霾像潮水一样涨起，漫过了人们的膝盖，沉积在沾满煤灰的遮阳棚上，留下一滩滩云状的污泥。

The First Assemblage of the Glorious Evolved was technically still within Piltover, but only just. Here, past the Boundary Markets, the pernicious odors of the city below outweighed the celebratory smell of roasting meats and sweet cakes. The Zaun Gray rolled in like a low tide. It lapped at one’s legs and condensed along soot-covered merchant awnings into puddles of clouded muck.

我转过头去：“你呆在这里。”

I turned to the girl. “You will stay here.”

“我要跟着你，你弟弟的——”阿芙耶说。

“I’m to follow you,” Aviet said. “Your brother’s—”

“你呆在这里。”我又说了一遍，口气不留余地。我对于我弟弟的伎俩开始失去耐心了。“光荣进化的信徒非常狂热。他们对原生人不怎么友善。”

“You will stay here,” I said again, leaving no room for argument. My patience for my brother’s game was thinning. “The Glorious Evolved are fervent believers. They do not take kindly to the unaugmented.”

我盯着我新来的手下，谅她不敢顶嘴。阿芙耶轻微地往后缩了一下。她仍然渴望着打一架，好证明自己，但她不确定现在是不是好时机。

I looked over my new assistant, daring her to respond. Aviet shifted her weight slightly to her back foot. She still itched for a fight, to prove herself, but was unsure if this was the moment.

我微笑道：“小姑娘，之后我们有的是时间。”

I smiled. “There’s time enough for that later, girl.”

从老房子的入口进去，是一间昏暗的门房。一道铁网作为隔断，背后就是房子的主厅。几簇橘黄色的暖灯，透过金属焊成的菱形网格照亮了大厅里的人群——大约五十来个人围成一圈，低声呢喃着，仿佛他们脚下有一台宏伟的机器正在呼吸。他们身上披着深色的绒布，遮住了仍是肉体的部分。金属手臂和增强的腿脚露在外面，映出温暖的光芒。在这里，高难度的增强手术结合了更实用的功能。无论技术是来自皮城或是祖安，光荣进化的信徒们根本不在乎，对于他们的追求而言完全是次要的。在人群中间是一个年轻的女人，她伸出带有机械关节的手臂，指向一个带着光滑金属下巴的男人。

The entry of the old building gave way to a dim foyer set back from the main hall by an iron lattice. Through the diamond patterns of welded metal, several clusters of yellow-orange therma lamps illuminated the congregation. The 50 or so people there murmured in rolling unison, giving the impression that a great machine breathed beneath them. Velveteen fabrics in dark colors were draped over the parts of their bodies that were still flesh, while their metal arms and augmented legs were exposed to the warm light. Here, high-end augmentations mixed with those of a more utilitarian function. Piltovan or Zaunite, it didn’t matter to the Glorious Evolved. These designations were secondary to their higher pursuit. In the center of the group, a young woman with mechanical elbows reached out to a man with a sleek metal jaw.

“身体即是虚无，血肉即是脆弱。”她对男人说。

“The body is frail,” she said to the man. “The flesh is weak.”

“机器引领我们，”人群一起回应道，话音在空中缓缓回荡：“未来即是进化。”

“The machine drives us forward,” the group responded together. The words echoed in empty air above them. “The future is progress.”

我可不是来给仪式做见证的。我略过增强的信徒们，躲在阴影中继续搜查。

I hadn’t come to bear witness. I kept to the shadows, ignored by the augmented flock, and continued my search.

我还没看到扎维尔修士，就听到了一阵轻柔的汩汩声——那是他的喉滤装置。他低垂着光头，嘴上的呼吸阀甚至抵住了胸骨。他正在礼拜堂中的祭坛角落里点还愿灯。

I heard the soft gurgling of Brother Zavier’s esophilter before I saw the man. His balding head was tucked down to his chest as far as his breathing apparatus would allow. He was kindling a few spark lights on the corners of the side chapel’s altar.

在毛玻璃上，一个由冷铅勾出形体的庄严形象正注视着他。灰夫人，光荣进化教会的圣神。模糊的窗格透出亮光，被外面的弧光灯照得有些妖异。

Watching over him was an imposing figure outlined in cold lead and frosted glass. The Gray Lady, holy patron of the Glorious Evolved. The stained-glass window glowed from within, lit eerily by the arc lamps outside.

我走近了祭坛。屋里放着一些盛着器官的罐子，里面浮着一个个眼球，像醋腌蛋一样。成捆的贡物包在亚麻纱布里，有些很整齐，有些泛着油光，乱蓬蓬的。其中一捆动了起来。紧接着，纱布下露出了一只瘟耗子的鼻子，谅我不敢抢走它的奖赏。它拖着新找到的宝贝想爬上高地，不料一角在边缘上钩了一下，整捆纱布散开，滚出一截干燥的手指。耗子急慌慌地跳下去，但扎维尔修士把它一脚踢进了阴影里。

I approached the shrine. There were jars of organs. Single eyeballs floated like pickled eggs. Bundled offerings were wrapped in linen, some of it fine, some of it oily and ragged. A few flies buzzed among the discarded pieces of the congregation. One of the wrapped bundles moved. A little plague rat poked its nose out shortly after, daring me to take away its prize. The gauze of the newfound treasure caught on the edge, and the rest of the bundle tumbled away, revealing a desiccated finger. The rat scampered down, but Brother Zavier shooed it back into the darkness.

“卡蜜尔，你来是为了冥想吗？”他的话音裹在潺潺的气流声里，仍然能听出其中的笑意。

“Camille,” he said. I could hear the smile in his voice underneath the wet burble. “Have you come for contemplation?”

“为了消息，修士。”我从口袋里取出了念珠，玻璃珠子和铁链子搅成一团。

“Information, brother.” I pulled the chaplet from my pocket, the glass beads tangling with the wire chain.

扎维尔修士转过来看着我。一副镜片盖在他眼睛上，就像那些罐子一样放大了里面的眼球。不过不同的是，他的眼珠子可灵活极了。我把念珠递给他。

Brother Zavier turned to face me. His eyes were also under glass, magnified like those in the jars, although unlike those, his darted with life. I handed him the chaplet.

“你在哪里找到的？”他摇着头，细细检视了一番，然后弹了一下舌头：“当我没说，我知道这种都是不该问的。”

“Where did you find this?” He shook his head as he inspected it and then clucked his tongue. “Never mind, I should know by now not to ask those questions.”

他走回去开始摆弄那些还愿灯。“几周之前我遇到了一个人，身上带着这个。他来这里点灯，祈求她在进步日那天帮他一把。”扎维尔修士朝着窗上的刻像点点头。灰夫人披着一件斗篷，是苍紫色的玻璃、生锈的齿轮和发黑的活塞拼贴而成的。每当匠人因为自己的失败或无能感到沮丧时，就会呼唤她的名号。而她的恩泽必然要求牺牲。

He went back to attending his votive lights. “Several weeks ago, I met a man carrying this. He came to light a spark and ask her favor for the coming Progress Day.” Brother Zavier nodded toward the figure depicted in the window. The Gray Lady’s cloak was a mosaic of ash-violet glass, oxidized cogs, and blackened pistons. Her epithet was often invoked when an inventor felt at a loss due to inability or failure. Hers was a blessing that often required sacrifice.

“他肤色挺深的，典型的沙漠民模样。相比一般来这儿讨生活的外来学工，看起来更老一些。”扎维尔修士继续道。

“He had the tanned skin of the desert dwellers. Older than the usual foreign apprentas who pursue the auditions,” Brother Zavier continued.

“你知道他想找哪一家吗？”

“Do you know which clan he sought?”

“他说他住在阿比诺家附近的旅馆里。”集会的嗡鸣声消失了。“今晚的见证结束了。我有事在身。”

“He said he was staying at a pay house near Clan Arvino.” The factory hum of the congregation fell away. “This evening’s testifying is over. My duties call.”

扎维尔修士拍拍我的手，整理了一下黑色的长袍，走回了主厅，留我一个人在原地沉思。

Brother Zavier patted my hand. He gathered his dark robes and made his way back to the main hall, leaving me to my contemplations.

哈基姆回来了，但还没传出消息。虽然在我们最后一次谈话中，也没有讲明白怎样联系彼此是最好的方式。我从地上捡起干枯的手指，放回到那堆贡物里。我感觉很生气，他居然要像一个普通的学工那样请愿——比起阿比诺家里的工匠，哈基姆跟他们真是天上地下的区别。透过礼拜堂窗户上的三角形与菱形窗棂，我看到阿芙耶站在街灯下。她还是听话的……暂时是。

Hakim had returned, but had not sent word. Not that the last conversation we shared had detailed how best to reach one another. I picked up the brittle finger from the floor and placed it back with the other offerings. It annoyed me, the idea of him petitioning like an ordinary apprenta. Hakim was spheres above Clan Arvino’s artificers. Through the cut-glass triangles and diamonds of the side chapel’s window, I could see Aviet standing beneath a streetlamp. She was still following orders… for the moment.

一阵窸窣的刮擦声打断了我无边的思绪——虽然很轻，但比老鼠的动静大。我感到胸口的海克斯水晶警醒地开始震动。我转过身，准备迎接危险。

My indulgent silence was broken by a shuffling scrape, small, but much larger than a rat. I felt the hex-crystal in my chest vibrate in anticipation as I turned to face the threat.

“你是她吗？”一个细弱的声音问。

“Are you her?” a small voice asked.

从金属长椅附近的暗角里走出一个小女孩，最多不过六七岁的样子。

From the darkened corner near a metal bench, a little girl stepped forward. She could not have been more than six or seven.

“你是灰夫人吗？”她又问了一遍。随着她靠近，海克斯水晶缓和下来，温和的蓝色光线照亮了她的脸。她一只手里抱着一捆东西，裹在纱布里，与我身后成堆的贡物一模一样。她穿着一条黑裙子，一只袖子空荡荡的。

“Are you the Gray Lady?” she asked again. Closer now, my hex-crystal pulse slowed, lighting her face in a soft, blue glow. In one arm, she carried a bundle wrapped in gauze, all too similar to the ones stacked behind me. The opposite sleeve of her dark dress hung empty.

我站好时的身高超出她太多。我跪下来，眼睛与她平齐，然后轻柔地触摸长椅。指尖放出的水晶能量打在金属表面上激起了电弧。小女孩盯着我的腿，光滑的锋刃上映出跳动的火花。

Balanced as I was, I towered over her. I knelt down, bringing my face to her level, and gently touched the metal bench to arc some of the crystalline energy off my fingers. The girl watched the anxious spark reflect in the polished metal of my blades.

“你把腿献给了进化日吗？”她问。

“Did you give up your legs for Progress Day?” she asked.

光荣进化的信徒们继承了祖安的悠久传统：在进化日时献出自己的东西，期望能让下一代产品变得更好。这个习俗的渊源可以一直追溯到城市的久远过去。那个时候，祖安人刚刚经历了“那件事”，需要重建自己的生活。而皮城今日建立在那些伤痕之上的繁荣与富有，也是这一传统之有效性的直接证明。

The Glorious Evolved celebrated the old Zaunite tradition of sacrificing something personal for Progress Day in the hopes the next iteration of invention would be better. It was a practice that could be traced back to the old days of the city, when the people of Zaun had to face rebuilding their lives after the devastation of “the incident.” The wealth and growth of Piltover on top of those scarred ruins served as evidence to many that the tradition had merit.

我看着小女孩。很久以前的进化日，我献出的不是我的双腿，而是某些更重要的东西。

I looked at the little girl. It was not my legs that I had given up on a Progress Day long ago, but something far more dear.

“是我选择的。”我说：“因为它们更好用。”

“I chose these,” I said. “Because they better served my purpose.”

她点点头。青蓝色的光渐渐变暗，但仍然能看到她紧紧抱着贡物的手指上，蛛网一般地爬着黑色的静脉。在城里的这一块地方，很少会有这么小的孩子染上病疫。光荣进化经常会收留这些病人，他们把割除坏死的血肉看作是通过技术来改变人生及其信仰的关键。

The girl nodded. The blue light between us had dimmed, but I could still see the black spider veins on the little fingers that clutched her bundle. It was rare for the blight to affect one so young in this part of the city. The Glorious Evolved often took in the sick, seeing the removal of dying flesh as a key to transforming a person’s life and faith through technology.

“扎维尔修士说我快好了。”她主动地说。

“Brother Zavier said it gets easier,” she offered.

“确实。”我告诉她。

“It does,” I told her.

照看她的医师没有尽责。她的两只手臂都不应该留下的。我可以想象，外科医生肯定会说自己是出于善意，但只是为了掩饰拿着手术刀时心里的胆怯而已。拖延下去对这女孩没有半点好处。如果她不尽快截肢，那些蛛丝状的血管就会蔓延到心脏，最终把它变成一块烂肉。她几乎没有可能看到下一个进化日的来临。

The physicker attending her had been remiss his duty. The girl should have had both arms taken at once. I’m sure the surgeon explained away that lack of courage when holding the knife as a kindness, but waiting would do the girl no favors. If she did not have the other arm cut away soon, those spider veins would creep closer to her chest, eventually blackening her heart. The chances were slim she would live to see the next Progress Day.

小女孩咬住嘴唇，似乎在犹豫着要不要继续发问。这时，透过巨大的毛玻璃嵌板，我的眼光看到有什么东西在动。几个黑影靠近过来，阿芙耶有伴儿了。

The young girl bit her lip, hesitating before the next thought. In that moment, my eye caught movement through one of the larger stained-glass panels. I stood and watched several dark shapes approach. Aviet was no longer alone.

我走进幽暗的长廊，准备离开。

I stepped into the dim corridor to make my way outside.

“你会想它们吗？”小女孩喊出声来。

“Do you miss them?” the little girl called out.

我没有回头。我知道她带着期盼的脸庞一定在颤抖，仿佛祭坛上成排的摇曳火光。因为我并没有忘记我自己当时的怀疑和动摇。这么多年了，哈基姆也曾经质问我过类似的问题。我的心——还有他，我会想念吗？我摸着胸口的海克斯水晶装置，让平稳的振动宽慰自己。就在犄角蜿蜒的菲罗斯家徽旁边，我摸到了一个笔迹流畅的小小刻字。那是哈基姆·内德里的印鉴。

I didn’t turn back. I knew the girl’s hopeful face wavered like the row of spark lights on the altar. I knew because I remembered my own trembling doubt. So many years ago, Hakim had demanded of me a similar question. My heart? Him? Would I miss any of it? I touched my hex-crystal augment, assuring myself it still vibrated evenly. Just to the right of the Ferros sigil’s angular engraving I felt a small, fluid lettering. It was the mark of Hakim Naderi.

“不。”我骗她道。

“No,” I lied.

阿芙耶已经准备动手了，她的金发在街灯下看起来犹如一轮光环。五个男人围住了她，像码头上的鲨鱼一样，各式各样的增强装置勾勒出几个犬牙嶙峋的轮廓。

Aviet was ready to fight, her blonde hair lit up like a halo under the streetlight. There were five men circling her like dock sharks. Their utilitarian augmentations cut jagged shapes in their silhouettes.

“那件漂亮玩意儿给我们，说不定你会死得痛快点儿。”个头最小的家伙盯着她的鞭子，大声地嚷嚷。一整天的心烦意乱混成了一团，先是斯蒂万的责备，再是不请自来的这几位，还有关于哈基姆已经回来了的猜测。我感到一股压抑了很久的能量，一路噼啪作响地冲下我的脊背，急不可耐地想要找个出口。一个不知天高地厚的恶棍，还有他破破烂烂的手下——来的正是时候。

“Give us that pretty thing, and maybe we won’t kill you slow like,” the smallest one slurred loudly, eyeing the whip in Aviet’s hand. All the vexations of the day compounded, from Stevan’s brotherly chiding to my new unnecessary companion to the thought of Hakim having returned. I could feel the pent-up energy crackle down my spine, impatient to find release. A pompous miscreant and his dog-eared crew would do nicely.

“你要说，请。”我高声说。

“You didn’t say please,” I called out.

那个大嘴巴的家伙，鼻子一抽一抽地，抬起了头。“哎，兄弟们，不用发愁了。看起来，出来转一趟的收获可不小。”

The mouthy one with the twitching nose looked up. “Ay, boys,” he said. “No worries now. Looks like there’ll be more than enough to go around.”

“劳您大驾，夫人。”阿芙耶说。

“Nice of you to join us, milady,” Aviet said.

“没错，我们正打算小小地庆祝一下进化日呢。”其中一个带着红铜增强的大块头说。跟他一边儿大的兄弟戴着一副灌满液体的目镜。他用力地拉开上面脏兮兮的木头盖子，冷笑地说了句：“这位大人。”

“Yes, we was about to indulge in a little Progress Day remuneration,” one of the big ones with a copper augmentation said. His twin-sized partner tugged the brim of a dirty woolen cap over his fluid-filled eyepiece and sneered. “Your Grace.”

我的出现让他们分了神，包围圈挤到一边，露出了一个小口子。

My arrival had distracted them, allowing their circle to become lopsided and a small breach to open up.

完全够了。

It was more than enough.

速度和果敢，是我最亲密的两位战友。我急冲向前，一记长长的横扫，刮到了一个瘦高个儿的肩膀。刀刃划过脏兮兮的粗花呢布，他衣服上瞬间洇出一条发暗的红线。紧接着是一道海克斯水晶发出的蓝色弧光，把他打得失去了意识。

Speed and decisive thinking have always been my most cooperative allies, and I sprinted in toward the break, catching the lanky one across the shoulder with a long sweep. My bladed leg cut through the dirty tweed, a line of darker red blossoming quickly in the cloth, but it was the arcing blue of the subsequent hex-crystal energy that knocked him unconscious.

一个胖子，连同那个带着下水道口音的家伙朝着阿芙耶走去。同时另外两个高的找上了我。我脸上浮起一个阴险的微笑：思前想后这么久，也该活动活动筋骨了。

The chubby one and the one with the Sump accent took to Aviet, while the tall ones approached me. I let a dark smile spread across my face; after so much contemplation, this was exactly what I needed.

我的两位舞伴却没笑。他们都有着壮硕的臂膀，简直就像是响彻铁砂交易所的那两口大钟。他们犹豫着不知道该谁先上，这等于是白给我机会。我两个都会干掉。

My two dance partners were not amused. Both had heavyset shoulders as thick as the double bells that rang out over the Iron Sand Commercia. They still had not decided who would approach first, and their indecision was my opportunity. I would take them both.

我向着戴着目镜的小子跨出几步，同时撩起后脚，挑断了另外那位装着紫铜的兄弟身上的盘管。他完全没料到这着，只能手忙脚乱地试着把断开的龙头接回不停喷溅的液泵上。再来是低位的横切，于是眼前这位膝盖以下的部分也报废了。我耐心地等待了一小会儿，让紫铜兄弟能够还手挥出一拳。他们总是觉得自己能躲开我的第二下。

I stepped in toward the one with the eyepiece, letting my back leg rake down the coiled tubes of his copper-plated brother. He had misjudged my reach and scrambled to reconnect the sliced hoses to a sputtering chempump. A low swipe rendered his partner’s leg useless from the knee down. I waited a moment for the copper one to come back with his working arm. They always thought they could outmaneuver the second strike.

他们也总是想当然了。

They were always wrong.

“收拾好你们的破烂东西，然后滚吧。”我跟他说道。与此同时，他的兄弟已经拖着一条废腿，一瘸一拐地爬过地上的污泥，钻进了阴影。

“Now collect your broken bits, and get out of my sight,” I told him. His brother was already limping into the shadows, his worthless leg dragging in the muck.

巷子里响起一声金属的暴响，那是阿芙耶的鞭子。又是一下铁线崩断般的声响，那个胖子趴在地上缩成了一团，火花像雨点似的落在他身上。他脸贴着地面上的鹅卵石，眼泪顺着沾满污泥的脸颊滚滚而下。不过算上他才四个。

The metal of Aviet’s whip rang out in the alleyway. There was another wire-taut snap, and sparks rained down on the chubby one as he cowered, his face to the cobbles, tears streaking his grime-covered cheeks. That was only four.

我环视四周，那个老鼠脸的自大狂正要逃跑。我看到他想要溜回集会大厅里。

I looked around. The rodent-faced one with the oversized ego was missing. I found him slinking back toward the Assemblage Hall.

升降索的钩子深深地没进了大厅入口上方的尖石。我飞快地落在这条地沟耗子身上，全身的重量撞下去，我们两人在地上结结实实地打了几个滚。

The barb of my grapple line sunk deep in the angled stone above the hall’s entrance. I dropped in quickly on my Sump rat, tucking his and my weight together into a tidy roll.

等我们停下来的时候，我压住了他。他的呼吸短浅急促，带着一股恶臭。

When we came to a stop, I was on top. His fetid breathing was fast and shallow.

“你真觉得自己能跑？”我的声音低沉而平稳。

“Did you really think you could run?” I asked, low and even.

他恐惧地大摇其头，但油腻的指头抠出了皮带上的尖刀。海克斯水晶非常靠近他的脸，光芒刺得他眯起了眼睛。看得出来他非常想把刀插进我的大腿，只要能把我赶开就行。

His head shook out a terrified no, but his greasy hand fingered a stick knife at his belt. He squinted from the blinding radiance of my hex-crystal so near his face. He was desperate to drive the knife into my thigh, anything to get me away from him.

“来吧。”我轻声说。

“Go ahead,” I whispered.

他惊讶地睁大双眼，但没有让我等待太久。刀尖捅进了黑色的皮革，但也就到这里——金属的部分顶住了刀刃。他脸色大变，手把不住力道一下滑到了刀刃上，削掉了自己手掌的一块肉。

His eyes widened in surprise, but he didn’t let my permission linger long. The tip of his knife pierced the dark leather, but went no further, stopped by the metal of my leg. Surprise registered on his face just as his hand slipped down with the force of the blow, driving the flesh of his closed fist along the edge of his own blade.

不像另外几个同伙，他没有忍住。痛叫声回荡在湿漉漉的石头巷子里。

He did not swallow his scream like the others, and it rang out on the damp stone of the buildings.

集会大厅里传出了叫声的回音，我抬起了头。灰夫人所在的那面毛玻璃窗高悬在上方，彩色嵌板的角落里，紧贴着一张小小的脸。她在看着。

I looked up as it echoed from the Assemblage Hall. The stained-glass window of the Gray Lady towered above us. A small face was pressed to the colored glass, watching.

我倾身向前，腿刃几乎吻上了他脖子上起伏不停的动脉。

I leaned in and let the blade at my knee almost kiss the fluttering pulse in the neck of the man beneath me.

“再来这附近找吃的，我就给你个痛快。”我一定会的。

“Hunt here again, and I will end you,” I promised.

意识到自己捡了条命，我本已到手的猎物赶忙爬起来，操着古怪的螃蟹步爬了老远。直到我们隔开了相当的一段距离，他才爬起身来，抱着滴血的手，跑进某个老鼠洞里舔伤口去了。

Realizing he had been granted an extra life, my prey pulled himself away in an awkward crab walk. Once there was enough distance between us, he got up, clutching his dripping red hand, and ran for some dark hole to lick his wounds.

我听见阿芙耶卷起了金属制的鞭子。

I could hear Aviet winding the metal of her whip.

“我听人说，那些装置里头是没有心的。”她的好奇心被撩起来了：“也许传闻不见得是真的。”

“I heard you didn’t have a heart under all those mechanics,” she said, her interest sparked. “Perhaps the rumors are mistaken.”

“注意你的礼貌，孩子。”我朝巷子外走去，冷漠地对她说。“否则我会好好提醒你的。”

“Mind your manners, girl,” I told her coldly as I walked out of the alley. “Or I’ll mind them for you.”

边境市场和集会所被周围数不清的进化奇观簇拥着，常年都掩藏在阴影之中不见天日。但等我们抵达阿比诺家附近的旅店时，夜幕才真正降临。在一番正常范畴内的鼓励之下，旅店老板相当慷慨地递上了详细的账本，虽然他的字迹实在有很大的进步空间。内德里要么是住在地下室，要么是在三楼。我让阿芙耶去楼下，自己用钩索吊上了三楼那扇开着的窗户。

The Boundary Markets and the Assemblage Hall were always steeped in shadows, overwhelmed by so much progress towering above them. But it had truly become night by the time we reached the pay house nearest Clan Arvino. After some proper encouragement, the innkeeper became quite generous with his detailed ledger, although his handwriting left much to be desired. Naderi was either somewhere in the basement or on the third floor. I left Aviet to the cellars, while a grapple line gave me access to an open window on the third floor.

房间角落的小锻炉里，一层灰底下还有一些没完全熄灭的余烬。我弯身钻进窗户，落在屋子里。房间里很暗，只有一张小桌上支着一盏台灯。台前伏着的男人，却让我连呼吸都停止了。黑色的卷发，来自沙漠日晒的肤色……我的海克斯水晶开始不听话地震颤。也许，他也把自己和岁月永远隔绝了。

The small forge at the back of the room had burned down to embers smoldering under a crust of ash. I crouched through the window and stepped inside. The room was dim, with only a single lamp lighting a small desk. But it was the man asleep at the desk that caught my breath, the curls of dark hair and the desert-tanned skin. The vibration of my hex-crystal stuttered. Perhaps he, too, had stalled time for himself.

“哈基姆。”我轻轻呼唤。桌边的人动了一下，慢慢从睡梦中醒来。他站起来伸了个懒腰，带着猫一般的优雅，然后转了过来。他不可置信地揉揉眼睛，想要清醒过来。他与哈基姆相似得令人心痛。

“Hakim,” I called out softly. The shape at the desk moved, waking slowly from sleep. He stretched with the grace of a cat and turned. The young man wiped the sleep from his eyes in disbelief. He was so much like Hakim it hurt.

但不是他。

But it was not him.

“菲罗斯夫人？”他摇摇头，逼自己打起精神。“您在这里做什么？”

“Mistress Ferros?” He shook himself more awake. “What are you doing here?”

“我们见过吗？”我问。

“Have we met?” I asked.

“确切说来没有，夫人。”他有些尴尬。“但我经常会看到您。”

“No, not exactly, milady,” he said, almost embarrassed. “But I have seen your face often.”

他走到桌子边，从一沓图纸里翻出一张，看起来比其他图纸稍微更旧一些，也磨损得更厉害一些。他把纸递给我。

He went back to his desk and shuffled some papers, pulling out one that was slightly older and more worn than the others. He handed it to me.

线条很有力，墨迹整洁，井井有条，明暗也非常细腻。这是哈基姆的手笔，但不是什么设计图。这是一幅画，是我的脸。我不记得当过他的模特。一定是他某天夜里在实验室里完成工作后，凭着记忆画的。我的头发披着，面带笑容。一个沉浸在爱中的女人。

The lines were strong, the inkwork neat and orderly, and the shading precise. It was Hakim’s work, but it was no diagram. Instead, it was a drawing of my face. I couldn’t recall posing for it. He must have sketched it from memory after working in the lab one night. My hair was down. I was smiling. I was a woman in love.

就像一把尖刺扎进心口，我忍不住深吸了一口气。我对着面前的年轻人没有说话。我说不出。

The sting was so sharp, I couldn’t help but take a breath. I didn’t say anything to the young man in front of me now. I couldn’t.

“就像是昨天才画的一样，夫人。”他打破了沉默。

“It could have been drawn yesterday, milady,” he said, filling the silence.

他说这话是想恭维我，但却在我的脑海里将正在延展的时光又放大了几分。

He meant it as a compliment, but it just magnified the acres of time that stretched on in my mind.

“我叔叔一直带着这个直到他过世。”

“My uncle carried this with him until he passed.”

“你叔叔，他死了？”

“Your uncle, he’s dead?”

“是的，哈基姆·内德里。您还记得他吗？”

“Yes, Hakim Naderi. Do you remember him?” he asked.

“记得。”这句话卡在我的喉咙，被一个我想了很久的自私问题裹住了。我不确定自己想要得到答案。如果回忆的伤痛对于我来说是一场凌迟，那么还是长痛不如短痛吧。我定睛看着眼前像极了哈基姆的男人：“告诉我，你叔叔结婚了吗？”

“Yes.” The word stuck in my mouth and wrapped itself around a selfish question I had carried for far too long. One I was never sure if I wanted the answer to. If the pain of memory was to overwhelm me with a thousand little cuts, better to open them all at once and be done with it. I looked at the young man who looked too much like Hakim. “Tell me, did your uncle ever marry?”

“没有，夫人。”他说完有些犹豫，不知道是不是会惹恼我。“哈基姆叔叔说，能爱上自己的作品，生命就别无所求了。”

“No, milady,” he said, unsure if he was going to disappoint me. “Uncle Hakim said that to love your work was more than we could ask for in life.”

我的眼泪很久以前就已经流光了，现在留给我的只有干涸。我捡起那堆图纸，把自己的画像放在了最上面。取代了我心脏的机器闪烁着。画像上的墨线在如水的蓝光里轻轻摇曳。那是曾经的我，已被抛弃的我。所有这些痛人心扉的牺牲，造就了今天的我。所有的过去，都化作了历历在目的细节。我可以怀抱着过去，但却无法再度拥有。

I had wept all my tears long ago, and so there were none left to come to me now. I picked up the stack of papers and set the drawing of my face on top. The lines of ink wavered in the blue light of the machine that replaced my heart. What I was. What I gave up. All the sharp-toothed sacrifice that made me who I am today. All of it was rendered in painstaking detail. I could hold the past, but never have it again.

“这里是全部了吗？所有的作品？”我的声音只是一阵幽暗的呢喃。

“This is all of it? All of the work?” My words came out a dark whisper.

“是的夫人，不过……”他的声音带着不可思议的震惊渐渐悄然——我把所有图纸都放在了垒好的煤块上，轻轻地吹了几下。浸过油的羊皮纸眨眼就着，很快便吐出了橘红的火舌。我看着过往翻滚，沸腾，衰败，直到炉中只剩下灰烬和残骸。身旁还有人在，这个念头将我拉回了现实。

“Yes, milady, but…” His voice trailed off in disbelieving horror as I set the bundle on the banked coals and blew gently. The oiled parchment ignited and quickly burned a red-orange. I watched the past bubble and darken until nothing but cinders and dust was left. It was the young man that pulled me back to the present.

哈基姆的侄子缓缓摇头，满脸都是不可置信的表情。这么短的时间，这么多的心血就这样消失了，我能理解这是多大的刺激。他完全呆了。我拉着他走下楼梯来到街上。他盯着脚下的鹅卵石，一边摆弄着肩上挎着的皮包。

Hakim’s nephew shook his head slowly, his disbelief palpable; I understood how the shock of losing so much so quickly could be overwhelming. He was numb. I escorted him down the stairs to the street below. He adjusted the leather satchel on his shoulder and stared at the cobbles.

他又看向我。脸上沮丧的神情慢慢被惊恐取代了。我在过往的思绪里沉溺得太深，并没有太留意街上的阴影。我甚至都没听到金属刮擦的厉响。鞭子飞快地甩过来，把我的双臂和身体捆在了一起。

He looked back to me; the air of defeat was replaced by one of growing fear. Having been so lost in my own past, I took less notice of the shadows on the street. I barely heard the metallic jangle of wire. The lash of the whip came fast, binding my arms to my side.

“够可以的了，我的夫人。”阿芙耶说道，听起来得意得要命。我看着她细细打量着哈基姆的侄子。

“That’s far enough, milady,” Aviet said. Her voice was smug. I watched her look Hakim’s nephew over.

“我弟弟雇你是为了干这个吗？”我早就起疑心了。阿芙耶整晚都在跃跃欲试。找到哈基姆的侄子让我分了心，看起来确实是个好机会。

“Is this what my brother paid you for?” I had suspected as much. Aviet had been watching for an opportunity all evening. My distraction at finding Hakim’s nephew seemed as good an opportunity as any.

“对，不止是我。”她说。

“Yes,” she said. “All of us.”

两个大汉走了出来，修好了的增强装置反射着街灯。胖子和小个子老鼠脸跟在后面——就是集会大厅后巷里那帮人。胖子抽出一把刀抵着哈基姆的侄子，而小个子挂着耗子一样的猥琐笑容，把年轻的学工捆了个结实，嘴里也塞了东西。

Two big men stepped onto the cobbles, their repaired augmentations catching the streetlight. The chubby one and his little rat-faced counterpart followed behind. They were the same men from the alley behind the Assemblage Hall. The chubby one shoved a knife at Hakim’s nephew, while the other smiled his rodent smile and bound and gagged the young apprenta.

装了新导管的大块头走上前来，张牙舞爪，急不可耐地要把我早前的款待加倍奉还。

The juggernaut with the newly connected chemtubes stepped forward. His fingers twitched, eager to return the violence I had visited on him earlier.

“小心水晶，埃梅夫。”阿芙耶说着收紧了鞭子。我感觉钢索扣住了我的手腕。她绕了半圈，走到哈基姆侄子身旁：“我们要把水晶和内德里都带回去，不然一个子儿都拿不到。”

“Mind the crystals, Emef,” Aviet said. The whip tightened, and I felt metal cuffs close around my wrists. She walked around to stand next to Hakim’s nephew. “We’re to collect them and Naderi, or no one gets paid.”

这全都是因为我弟弟嫉妒了吗？我能理解，斯蒂万看着岁月的洪流卷过，而我却能置身事外。但他根本不知道，为了家族的这份责任我付出了什么。可是，难道他不知道自己要付出什么吗？

Was all of this for my brother’s jealousy? I knew Stevan felt the tide of years slipping away and saw me standing near immortal in all of it. But he truly had no idea the cost of my duty to the family. Could he not see what it would cost him now?

“其他的呢？”紫铜兄弟问了句。他看着我微笑，就好像进化日的大宴马上就要开席了。

“And the rest?” the copper man asked, smiling at me as if he were about to tuck into a Progress Day feast.

“都是你们的了。”阿芙耶回答。

“All yours,” replied Aviet.

“这位大人，非常感谢您之前向我们所展示的才干。”他增强过的手臂向后拉伸，握成了拳头。他肯定是觉得面前的对手都已经捆好了，根本没必要掩饰自己的意图。他的微笑咧得很开：“所以这下就更快了。”

“It was nice of you, Your Grace, to demonstrate your talents earlier,” he said as he pulled his augmented arm back into a fist. He obviously felt no need to hide the telegraph when facing a bound opponent. His grin widened. “It will make this go much quicker.”

金属的指虎砸中了我的下巴。他本以为我会硬扛，但是没有，我听凭自己的身体跪在了地上。巨大的惯性加上他沉重的增强手臂，把他也一起带倒了。我虽然尝到了自己嘴唇上的血，但真正失去平衡的人是他。这班人聒噪的废话静止了。

The metal knuckles connected with my jaw. He expected me to fight it, but instead, I let the punch take me down to a knee. The inertia forced his heavily augmented arm to come down to the ground with me. I tasted my own blood on my lips, but it was he who was off balance for the moment. The rest of the gang’s prattle went silent.

“你们可没见识过我全部的把戏。”我一边说，一边站起来。

“You haven’t seen all my tricks,” I said as I stood.

海克斯水晶的能量贯体而出，耸起了一堵光墙。壮汉的兄弟想帮忙，挥拳打在上面，却激起了一个护盾，发出嘶嘶的声响，然而没有消失。轮到我微笑了。

The energy of my hex-crystals coursed through me, the power building up like a wall. The juggernaut’s brother attempted to step in, bringing his own augmented fist down on the glowing buffer. The shield popped and hissed, but held. It was my turn to smile.

阿芙耶抓紧鞭子的把手，想把我的护盾甩开。她拼命地拉扯，妄图将我拖倒。但她却没有想过，我在刀尖上度过了大半个人生。

Aviet grabbed the trailing handle of the wire whip, hoping to shake me free of the energy field. She yanked hard to pull me off balance. She had no idea how long I’d lived my life on a knife’s edge.

我的双手仍然不得自由，所以我往前一跃，来了一个回旋踢，切开了一个壮汉的喉咙，落地时又把头先倒地那个刺了个对穿。鞭子的尾巴窜出了阿芙耶的手心。她转头对那两个还抓着哈基姆侄子的家伙叫嚷。

My hands still bound, I leapt forward into a spinning kick, slitting the throat of the second juggernaut and coming down to impale the first. The tail of the whip snaked out of Aviet’s hand. She called to the two who still held Hakim’s nephew.

“现在跑路，我就宰了你们俩。”

“Abandon the job, and I’ll kill you both.”

“你现在还觉得我有心吗？”我问她。她的两个大块头都躺在我脚下死透了。

“Do you still think I have a heart now?” I asked her, her two goliaths lying dead at my feet.

阿芙耶有些犹豫，但仍站着没动。

Aviet was unsure, but stood her ground.

“我是菲罗斯家的剑与盾。”我告诉她。一字一句都像冰一样冷。“我弟弟想要杀我，好让他脆弱的生命能够再多享受一些自私的时光。他的欲望背叛了他的职责，还有我们整个家族。”

“I am the sword and shield of Clan Ferros,” I told her, ice enunciating every word. “My brother seeks to kill me to extend his brittle life for a few more selfish moments. His desires have betrayed his duty and our house.”

我感到水晶震动得更快了。

I felt the crystals pulse faster.

“而你看不到日出了。”我说。

“And you will not live to see the morning,” I said.

我引着水晶的能量灌入护盾，护盾的强度和体积越来越大，直到变成一座牢笼。没人能跑出去。

I channeled the crystal’s energy for a moment, building its intensity until the shield that had once surrounded me became an electrified prison. There would be no escape.

我再次跳上半空，比之前更高，然后重重地砸下来，把手腕上的金属绳索连同地面的卵石一并砸碎。冲击力撞翻了阿芙耶、她的两个手下还有哈基姆的侄子。街道地面上留下一个弹坑，硝烟弥漫。从我们见面时起，阿芙耶整晚都在期盼这场战斗，想要证明她的能力，然而事与愿违。她的皮靴后跟磕在卵石上，脑子虽然还没完全同意，但身体已经摆出了撤退的姿态。我能从她脸上看出深深的恐惧。无论我弟弟跟她是怎么描述我的，她都大大地低估了状况。阿芙耶应该看得出来，我心底如果还有一丝所谓的怜悯，也已经被我弟弟的背叛彻底驱散了。

I leapt into the air, higher than before, and came down hard, shattering the metal that bound my wrists and the cobbles between us. The force of the impact knocked over Aviet, her two remaining thugs, and Naderi’s nephew. The street had ruptured in a crater, and dust hung in the air. The fight Aviet had been looking for since we met, to prove herself to my brother, was not going as planned. The heels of her leather boots scuffed the stone of the street, her body announcing her retreat before even her mind had fully agreed to it. I read her fear as she stood facing me. Whatever my brother had told her of me, she had sorely underestimated. Aviet saw that any trace of the mercy I carried before had been boiled away by the full revelation of my brother’s betrayal.

我走上前，一条腿画了一道弧线。当刀刃切中东西时，我的身子倾了一下。阿芙耶努力地想把叫声憋在肚子里，但却是一番徒劳。两个打手没费什么功夫，旅店的后巷再次回复了平静。我从地上捡起了阿芙耶浸满鲜血的鞭子。

I stepped forward and let my back leg arc around. I leaned into the blade as it connected. Aviet struggled to keep what was in her belly from spilling out, but it was a futile effort. I made short work of her last two goons, and the alley behind the pay house was quiet again. I picked up Aviet’s blood-soaked whip from the street.

哈基姆·内德里的侄子惊慌失措地缩在墙根。年轻人嘴里还塞着一块脏布，只能艰难地大口喘气。我靠近他，就好像那是一头极易受惊的动物。我解开他手腕上的约束，并向他伸出了一只手。他的手指碰到我时忍不住地颤抖。他刚一站稳脚跟，就放开了手。

The nephew of Hakim Naderi had backed himself against a wall in his panic. The young man’s breath was coming in panting waves through the dirty cloth that gagged him. I approached him as you would an animal you didn’t wish to startle. I untied the bindings at his wrists. I offered him my hand, and his fingers trembled at my touch. As soon as he was set upon his feet, he let go.

他已经见识了我的责任之中暴力的一面，也是我最不愿意哈基姆看到的，但我却还是这么做了。曾经那个心软的女人已经燃尽了，只剩下一团冰冷的黑暗和灰烬而已。

He had seen the violent face of my duty, what I could never bring myself to show Hakim, and I had let it happen. The softhearted woman I once was had truly been burned away, leaving only a cold darkness and gray ash.

“可是测试……”他的面颊还在发抖，却又是另一种忧惧。他开始逐渐意识到，今晚发生的事情绝对不是一场噩梦而已。“明天我要给技工们看什么？”

“The tests,” he said, his chin quivering with a different kind of terror. The reality of the evening was coming to bear as he realized none of this was a dream. “What am I to show the artificers tomorrow?”

“你是跟着你叔叔学的吗？”

“You studied under your uncle?”

“是，所有事情他都会教我，但是设计——”

“Yes. He taught me everything, but the designs—”

哈基姆的侄子知道自己的选择，要么是为我干活，要么是放弃一生的事业。我作为一个密探，不可能让他所掌握的知识落到任何其他家族手里。在他恐惧的眼神里，我看到他对这个充满牺牲的世界一无所知。我是嗜血的保护神，黑暗的救世主。在揭露残酷事实的这一刻，我就是他的灰夫人，一个人人敬畏的青钢影。

Hakim’s nephew knew his options, either come to work for me or give up his life’s work. My position as intelligencer would not allow the knowledge he possessed to fall to another house. In his frightened eyes, I saw his innocence of the world sacrificed. I was a murderous savior and a dark protector. In this moment of cruel understanding, I had become his Gray Lady, a steel shadow to be feared and venerated.

“明天你会做得更好的。”我说。

“You will build them better tomorrow,” I said.

他无法组织语言，点点头，跌跌撞撞地走进了夜色。我只能祈祷他能在黎明之前下定决心。否则，没有一个地方可以让他躲过我的追捕。

Unable to process his thoughts into words, he nodded his head and stumbled into the night. I prayed he would rebuild his resolve before the dawn. Otherwise, there would be nowhere to run that I could not catch him.

我站在弟弟书房的阳台上向外看去。一阵冷风吹乱了屋檐下挂着的尖尾旗。整个城市在我眼前延伸开来。

I stood and looked out over the balcony of my brother’s study. A chilled breeze ruffled the pennants that hung from the eaves of the house. The entire city stretched out before me.

书房的门开了，我能听到人们正在为迎接明天潮水一般涌来的学工们做着准备。在嘈杂的话语和细碎的脚步里，我也听到了往昔年岁正在徐徐展开。大多数记忆都已经无法分辨了，除了两个画面：一个从沙漠来的英俊男子，翩翩起舞，带走了我的心；也正是这个男人，我要求他把我的心取走。

The doors to the study opened, and for a moment, I could hear the preparations for tomorrow’s influx of apprentas. In those voices and quickened steps, I heard the years behind me unfolding, all of them too similar to separate. All of them save two: The one where a handsome man from the Sands danced away with my heart. And the one where I demanded the same man carve it away.

在那两个时间的断片之间，我和哈基姆有多少次一起来过这里？吹动旌旗的微风，也曾穿过了他的发梢。“伟大的前景，”他的眼光流连过城市之中每一座发光的尖塔，还有低处祖安的建筑发出的微光。“多么精密的机器，所有部件都咬合在一起运转。”

How often had Hakim come here with me between those two slivers of time? The breeze that teased the pennants would catch the curls of his hair as he stood on the balcony. “Such promise,” he would say as his eyes danced over the glittering towers of the city, the glow of Zaun lighting the buildings from below, “such a delicate machine, all these parts working together.”

我和他说，父亲告诉我，这是进化的前景，也是皮尔特沃夫的前景。但是，我警觉地说，一块不合规矩的齿轮就会威胁到一切，一个不愿履行职责的零件就能摧毁整台机器。

I told him what my father told me, that this was the promise of progress, the promise of Piltover. It moved our city forward, but, I cautioned, one ill-shaped gear could threaten it all. One cog that rejected its role could destroy the entire machine.

沿着地毯，传来了斯蒂万轮椅的吱嘎声。我的指尖倍加思念哈基姆的卷发触感，哪怕是口袋里那串细心打磨的玻璃念珠也好。但我只是盘紧了手中阿芙耶留下的鞭子。哈基姆迫切地想要把我拽出阴霾，却发现太迟了。我的工作，我对家族的责任，都是我如影随形、无法割舍的东西。

Stevan’s chair creaked along the carpet. My fingers ached for the curls of Hakim’s hair or even the solace of the chaplet’s polished glass in my pocket. Instead, I coiled Aviet’s whip into tighter circles in my hands. Hakim so wanted to draw me out of this darkness, only realizing too late that my work, my duty to my family, was something I could no more cut away than my own shadow.

“卡蜜尔？”

“Camille?”

我没说话，眼前这番脆弱的景象，还有更脆弱的回忆，都让我无法移开视线。发条装置发出轻响，斯蒂万来到了我的身后。

I said nothing, unable to tear my eyes from the fragile view and my even more fragile thoughts of the past. The clockwork mechanism ticked, and the wheels of Stevan’s chair brought him up behind me.

“你回来了，阿芙耶呢？”

“You’ve returned,” he said. “Aviet?”

我把她的鞭子扔到他大腿盖着的羊毛毯上。

I tossed Aviet’s whip on the woolen blanket laid over his lap.

“我知道了。”

“I see.”

“她的目的达到了。”我说。

“She served her purpose,” I said.

“那是？”对于一个在轮椅上坐了这么久的人，我弟弟真是一位不错的舞蹈家。他扯开了鞭子。

“That being?” For having sat so long in that chair, my brother was an artful dancer. He plucked at the wire of the whip.

“提醒我自己的目的。”我说

“To remind me of mine,” I said.

“你的目的？”斯蒂万最初的紧张变成了焦虑。他知道自己活不过今晚了。他被抓个正着，也没法逃跑，尤其是追他的人是我。他唯一的机会是在大限来临前让我尽可能地悲伤痛苦。羸弱的身体束缚着他，他的武器只有话语。

“Your purpose?” Stevan’s initial nervousness slipped into agitation. He knew he would die tonight. He had been caught, and he couldn’t run, especially from me. His only consolation was to try and wound me just as grievously before his time expired. Bound as he was by his frailty, the only weapons left to him were words.

“你需要对我负责。就好比对父亲负责一样。”

“Your duty is to me,” he said. “Just as it was to our father.”

责任。父亲。每一个词都比刀子割得还深。

Duty. My father. The right words could cut more deeply than a knife.

“你的意义就是服侍我。”他低吼。

“You are here to serve me,” he growled.

“不，我发誓服从的是这个家族。”誓言的内容深深地印在我脑海中，这也是所有密探的誓言。我毫不费力，也毫无悔恨地重复道：“家族为上，我将忠心服侍，不作伪，不藏私。为此誓言，我将全无保留，以灵、以身、以心。”

“No, I swore to serve this house.” The oath I had taken pricked fresh in my mind, the oath of all intelligencers. I repeated it now without effort or remorse. “To this house, I will be true and faithful, putting its needs before my own. To this, I will commit mind, body, and heart.”

这也是我与哈基姆在最后一夜所说的话。我不能归属于他，因为我早已将自己献给了别的东西。

They were the same words I told Hakim the night I had ended things between us. I could not be his, for I had promised myself to another.

“密探的责任原本该是我来承担的。”斯蒂万的声音把我扯回现实。他紧紧抓住轮椅的扶手，甚至关节都发白了。“你也对我们的父亲发誓了，然而你做了什么？就因为你不够强大所以他死了。之后你又差点儿毁掉了这个家族。为的是什么？爱情？还是虚荣？那个时候你的责任跑哪去了？”

“That duty of intelligencer was meant to be mine.” Stevan’s voice wrenched me back to the present. He gripped the arms of his chair until his knuckles whitened. “You swore an oath to our father, and what did you do? He died because you were not strong enough. And then you nearly deserted this house. For what? Love? Attention? Where was your duty then?”

他的话语像鞭子一样抽在我脸上。蛛网一样的静脉，这种疫病，我放任它滋生得太久了。在他的疯狂之下，我对这个家族展现了多少善意呢？

He spat the words in the space between us. These spider veins, this blight, I had let it fester far too long. What kindness had I shown this house in ignoring his madness?

“我剜出了自己的心，为了这个家族。也为了你，斯蒂万。我献出了自己的所有。这么多年了，你敢说你也做到了吗？”

“I cut out my heart for the family. For you, Stevan,” I said. “I have given all that I am. After all these years, can you say the same?”

斯蒂万像打湿了的烟花一样踌躇了。他不顾一切地想要爆发，但他心里明白，没有什么能让他燃烧了。

Stevan sputtered like a wet spark, desperately trying to flare to life, but knowing there was little left to catch fire.

“父亲把它交给了你，但是我用尽了一生，只想向他证明我才是最合适的人选。”他的话语里满是嫌恶。他的怒火瞬间腾起，就像炼金药一样散播着毒气。“你可能把我看成是一个叛徒，但你要为此负责，姐姐。如果你是一个值得信任的决策者，我就不用插手了。”

“Father just gave this to you, but I was the one who spent my entire life proving to him I deserved it,” he said. Disgust weighed on his words. My brother’s anger ran faster, the toxicity poisoning the air like a chem spill. “You may see me as your betrayer, but you are the one responsible, sister. If you could be trusted to make the right decisions, I would not have to step in.”

是我让他变成了一头怪物。我忍受着他的毒计与恶念，全因为我不愿失去他。如果他不在了，那么就再也没有一个人会记得曾经的我是怎样的一个女人。如果我再坚定一些，早几年前我就已经终结这一切了。我虽然一点一点地凿掉了自己的所有，但从始自终，我都没有勇气切掉这块坏死的血肉，而我们的家族也总有一天会被他侵蚀殆尽。

I had let him become this monster. I tolerated his grim plots and motivations all because I was unwilling to face a future without him, a future where no one remembered the woman I was. If I had been stronger in my resolve, I could have ended this years before. I had chiseled away parts of myself, but in all that time, I never had the courage to cut away the piece I knew would blacken our house.

“那天晚上，要不是你费尽心思提醒了我的责任，我就跟着哈基姆远走高飞了。”我说。

“That night, I would have run away with Hakim if you had not made the effort to remind me of my duty,” I said.

他来到我面前，血迹斑斑、遍体鳞伤，逼迫我直视自己的疏忽所带来的后果。就算多年以后我发现，他自导自演了那场袭击，我也已经释然了。在我面对抉择，却被情感笼罩的时候，我的弟弟伸手一推，终于让我下定决心把荣誉和感情彻底分开了。我知道，如果不是那样的话，我可能已经放弃了自己本来就应该承担的责任。正是他见不得人的计策，让我彻底披上了今天的这身行头。

He had come to me, bloody and broken, forcing me to confront a reality where I had abandoned my charge. Even when I discovered the truth years later, that he had been behind his own attack, I had been relieved. On the brink of a decision clouded by sentiment, my brother had given me the hard push that let me separate honor from emotion. I knew that, without it, I might have given up who I was meant to be. It was his dark encouragement that let me take on fully the mantle I wore now.

我走过去，把手放在他肩上。透过昂贵的丝绸和羊皮纸般起皱的皮肤，我能摸到他已然衰老的骨头。我胸前的装置开始震动。斯蒂万抬头看着我，眼中的蔚蓝色变得愈发锐利，仿佛是破碎的玻璃片一样，倒映着我周身逐渐亮起的光芒。

I moved toward him and let my fingers rest on his shoulder. I could feel his aged bones beneath the rich silk and parchment skin. The vibrations in my chest built. Stevan looked up at me, the blue of his eyes hardening like chips of broken glass as the energy around my augmentation grew.

“你从来都是我的责任，弟弟。”空气里的寒意渗进了我的声音。“斯蒂万，我再也不会辜负你了。”

“You have always been my responsibility, brother.” The chill in the air entered my words. “Stevan, I will fail you no longer.”

我感觉到脖子背后的汗毛在充能的作用下竖了起来。我把手从他肩膀上挪开，抚摸着他的脸庞。曾经挂在他额头上那一绺孩子气的头发，很多年前就已经变得稀疏，最终消失不见了。我指尖跳跃的弧光裹住了斯蒂万。

I could feel the charge electrifying the hair at the back of my neck. I let my hand drift from his shoulder to the edge of his face. The boyish lock of hair that fell over his temple had thinned and disappeared years ago. The spark arced through my fingertips and enveloped Stevan.

整个过程并没有持续多久。萎缩的肌肉把他的心拖进了黑暗的角落，现在终于彻底握紧了他的胸口。他的眼睛闭上了，下巴无力地搭在我手里。

It didn’t take much to push his heart over the edge, the atrophied muscle that drove my brother to such dark places finally seized in his chest. His eyes closed, and his chin sagged in my hand.

胸腔里的水晶渐渐平缓下来。我转过身去面向着城市。今晚的寒意会透进她金属的骨架里，但是明天，她又会继续前进，生机勃发——一直进化。

The vibration of the crystals in my chest slowed to an even rhythm. I turned back to face the city. Tonight’s cold would settle in her metal bones, but tomorrow, she would continue to push forward, to pulse with life. To progress.

多么精密的机器啊。

Such a delicate machine.