非我族类 Monstrous

作者：Graham McNeill

地底下也是有光的，关键是知道往哪儿看。

There’s light under the earth, if you know where to look.

关键是知道怎么看。

If you know how to look.

但我不需要光。不像从前。

I don’t need light to see. Not anymore.

从前，我的眼睛只能看清一定程度的黑暗，但我现在拥有的视觉让我看到了前所未知的世界。现在的我，能感知到自然之中不存在的色彩、相差和明暗，能看到那些抵挡怪物的高墙绝非固若金汤——它们像戏台上斑斓的幕布一样，一揭就破。

My eyes only ever saw in degrees of darkness, but the sight I now have shows me much more than I ever knew was possible. Now, I perceive colors that don’t exist in nature, as well as hues and shades that reveal how the walls keeping the monsters out aren’t solid at all—they’re as thin as a painted backcloth hung by a performing troupe.

有时我真希望自己看不见眼前的东西，但随后我想起来，如果我没有适应这下面的生活，现在早就死透了。

Sometimes I wish I didn’t see the things I do, but then I remember that I’d have died a long time ago if I hadn’t adapted to life down here.

而有时我又会想，死了是不是更好。

And sometimes I wonder if dying would have been better.

我拖着的那个人比我的目力要差。其实应该说，他在黑暗中几近全盲。只有我肩上的荚囊在这漆黑中泛出微弱的光亮。

The man I’m dragging behind me doesn’t see like I do. In fact, he’s pretty much blind in the darkness. The only light is the faint glow smoldering in the bulbous pods growing out of my shoulders.

这点光亮根本不足以让人类的眼睛看清，更何况我们还正在以如此的速度行进。

Not nearly enough light for human eyes to see clearly, at least not at the speed we’re moving.

他惊慌失措，每一步都踉踉跄跄。

He’s scared and stumbling with every step he takes.

他在这下面什么也不是，但他在地面上是一位领袖，是一个沙漠聚落的酋首。

Down here he’s nothing, but on the surface he’s a leader, the hetman of a desert settlement.

所以我掳走了他。他必须看到这下面的危险，必须充分意识到他的人民正面临着怎样的命运。

That’s why I took him. He needs to see the danger of what’s down here, to fully understand how much danger his people are in.

我几乎在拎着他走。强大的怪力全靠我身上覆盖的活体肤甲所赐。

I’m half dragging, half lifting him, which would be hard if it wasn’t for the strength my living armor gives me.

它覆盖我的全身，牢牢贴紧我的皮肤，就像是千万个微小的钩齿挂进血肉。我甚至不确定这起伏不平的坚硬外壳和我自己的身体到底如何区分。我已不像从前。我的身体曾经疼痛难忍，被这种猫舌头一样的细密针板包裹全身的感觉曾经令我恨得咬牙切齿。

It clings to my skin, all across my body, as if a thousand tiny hooks are digging into my flesh. I’m not even sure where its undulant yet rigid surface ends and I begin, anymore. It used to be painful, and I used to hate the rasping, cat’s-tongue feel of it enfolding me.

但现在我不再介意，因为这感觉意味着我永远都不孤单。

But now I don’t mind it at all, because it means I’m never truly alone.

我曾以为自己听到过这身甲壳的声音在我脑海内低语，它一边向我倾诉，一边生长覆盖了我的全身，但现在我认为那个声音只是我自己，想要阻止自己在疼痛和孤独中堕入疯狂。

I used to think I could hear it whispering in my head as it grew and spread across my body, but I think that was just my own voice trying to keep me from going mad from pain and loneliness.

至少，我更希望是这样。

At least, I hope that’s what it was.

我脚下的岩石十分光滑平整，形成原因并非熔岩的流动，而是因为那些东西来来往往给磨平了。它们生活在地下深处，从地底的土层中涌出，就像蜜糖果实腐烂后从中钻出的蛆虫。

The rock beneath me is smooth and glassy, made so not by the flow of molten rock, but by the passage of the things that live deep in the earth as they ooze up from below like worms through a rotten honeyfruit.

The people on the surface name this underworld by what it does, by what it is.

Void.

I’ve been down here long enough to know that name doesn’t even begin to capture the true threat and horror of what lurks in the darkness below—of what the Void really is. The monsters that reach the surface to hunt and kill are just the vanguard of what lives beyond, and they aren’t like anything the people above can understand.

If they really knew the truth, they’d never come within a thousand miles of where Icathia once stood, but mortals are so very good at forgetting. The passing of years lessens the horrors of the past. What was learned in blood and suffering now lingers mostly in travelers’ scary stories told around a fire, or in folk traditions. Hang some Pearls of the Moon over your hearth, say a prayer to Nasus to watch over your home, or leave some goats out to appease the beasts’ monstrous hunger.

But the creatures of the Void aren’t like ordinary predators.

When I was little more than a babe in arms, I remember seeing a swarm of pack-hunting kmiros bring down a wounded skallashi. I cried my eyes out, but I didn’t hate the kmiros for killing the gentle giant. It was just their nature. The creatures of the surface kill to eat. They’re hungry, not evil.

The Voidborn will kill you just because you’re alive.

“Please,” begs the man behind me. I’d almost forgotten I had hold of him. “Please let me go.”

He lets out a wracking sob as I stop and press him hard against the wall.

I can’t decide if he thinks I’m going to kill him or let him go.

A violet glow swells around my hands, lambent blades of killing light.

Their sudden appearance shifts my vision and I see the radiant threads of magic in his blood as it flows around his body.

Wisps of it lift into the air with every panicked breath and every tear that rolls down his cheeks. It’s faint, almost nothing, but the Void predators will sense it, and be drawn like sand-flies to dung.

My armored skin wants to feed on him, and I recoil as I realize a part of me wants to as well.

He’s weak, like everyone on the surface. It would be a mercy to just plunge my blades of light into his body than to have his soul be unmade by the monsters below.

No! I protect the people on the surface. That’s why I’m the girl who came back.

I push down the murderous urges of the suit, and the glow fades from my stiffened fingers. I take a shuddering breath, closing them into fists.

My vision returns to normal, and I look around to see we’re not where I thought we’d be.

We’re much closer to the surface than I expected, which makes what I’m seeing doubly dangerous. The rock of the tunnel shimmers like a cave ceiling over an underground lake, rippling with light from a dimension unknown to the races of the surface.

We’re at the edge of a depthless abyss where the boundaries of two realms ebb and flow like the sand seas at Zoantha. It looks like a glowing ocean of sickly light, swirling in a constant state of unraveling and renewal. It churns with titanic energies that sometimes form hideous outlines—like the submerged leviathans said to dwell beneath oceans I’ve only ever heard about in stories.

It’s dangerous to be this close, but I need this man to see.

Soulless, black eyes coalesce to stare up from below.

Spirals of matter take horrid shape.

Hunched spines unfold, grasping limbs stretch, and hooked claws form in the liquid insanity, lunatic evolution weaving translucent monsters into being with shrieking, piercing birth-screams.

They’re here…

“Open your eyes,” I tell the hetman.

My voice is distorted through the molded mask of the suit—a wet, animal snarl that sounds like no mortal tongue. He shakes his head. He can’t understand me.

The words sound like I’m choking on blood.

With a thought, the chitinous plates of my helm peel back, sliding over one another as they unfold like the carapace of an insect retracting its wings.

“Open your eyes,” I say again, and this time he understands.

He lets out a cry of fear as he sees my human face.

What do I look like now?

Am I so different than I was? Do I look like I belong down here?

I have not seen my face in such a long time. I hope it still looks like I remember.

The light swells and he turns toward the abyss.

深渊中蜂拥生长着的东西正努力想要接近我们，他瞪圆的双眼中充满恐惧，他终于明白我为何把他带到这里。

The swarming, growing things within it are reaching up to us, and his eyes widen in fear as he finally sees why I brought him here.

上千只窸窸窣窣的怪物，从疯狂的海洋中浮出，他们来自地心深处，以及更深的彼端。我不知道它究竟是为何物，也不知道它究竟来自何处。

Thousands of chittering monsters, rising from an ocean of madness that reaches to the heart of the world and beyond. I don’t know what it really is or where it comes from.

我只知道它生出了无穷无尽的畸噩梦魇，成群结队地穿透岩石，向上爬行，带着无法安抚的杀戮冲动，唯一的目标是要将上面的世界分解破坏。

All I know is that it births an endless horde of misbegotten nightmares that claw their way up through the rock with the implacable urge to kill and unmake the world above.

它们的大潮正在激涨，而我是唯一一个能阻挡巨浪的人。

Their tide is on the rise, and I’m the only one who can stop it.

我贴近那个人对他说，“你看到它们了吗？你懂了吗？”

I lean close to the man and say, “Do you see them? Do you understand?”

他惊恐地点点头，于是我放走了他。

He nods in terror and I let him go.

我看着那个酋首向着地面的阳光连滚带爬地跑去，然后转过身，面朝利爪剐蹭岩石的声音。自然中不可能生长出的手臂勾住了深渊的边缘，拖出一具怪异恐怖的躯体，覆盖着粗糙的甲片、伸出骨质的突起，皮肉泛着死胎的颜色。刚刚进入这个世界的它依然湿漉晶亮，但在外壳顶端睁开的那对黢黑的眼睛里，已经荡漾着无穷的恶意。带刃的肢体从它惨白的腹部展开，一张血盆大口从咽喉处开裂，闪着寒光的尖牙和污秽的黏涎显露无遗。

I watch the hetman scramble up to the light of the surface, then turn as I hear the scrape of claws on rock behind me. Arms that would be impossible in nature hook over the edge of the abyss, dragging a monstrous horror of rasping armor plates, bony protrusions, and flesh the color of something stillborn. It’s still wet and glistening from its arrival into this world, but it has infinite malice in the black eyes that ripple to life on its upper carapace. Blade limbs unfold from its pallid belly, and a lipless mouth tears open across its throat, a wide gash of gleaming white fangs and drooling ichor.

它身后很快跟上了其它怪兽，体型略小，但凶性不减。它们的存在本身就已经扭曲了空气，爪子下的岩石冒出了物质溶解留下的黑烟。

Others quickly follow it, smaller, but just as vicious. Their very presence distorts the air, and slivers of dissolving matter rise like black smoke from the rock beneath their claws.

它们所及之处弥漫着令人却步的恶臭，熔炉般的高温遍布我全身。

The stink of their nearness is horrifying, and furnace heat spreads throughout my body.

面对威胁，本能让我的四肢充满力量。

Threat response fills my limbs with power.

曾经，我抗拒这种冲动，但如今我知道，是这冲动让我有还击的力量，也让我活到了现在。

Once, I fought such urges, but I understand now that they kept me alive, that they allow me to fight back.

甲壳面罩盖了下来，遮住了我的脸。我的视野再次切换。

The carapace mask draws down over my face. My vision shifts again.

这种转变曾令我无法忍受，但现在我会欣然地迎接。

It used to be jarring, this transition, but now I welcome it.

我看到了光。看到了生命和我猎物的弱点。我再次成为了掠食者。

I see in light. In life and my prey’s vulnerabilities. I am a predator again.

我双肩上牢牢固定的甲片位移变形，发光的荚囊裂开一个口子。刺眼的光从内部射出。随着我一声高喊，一阵炽热的飞弹向着那群生物袭去。

The plates molded to my shoulders shift and reshape as the glowing pods snap up. Blinding light builds within them, and I shriek as a painful flurry of searing bolts streak toward the creatures.

那些体型稍小的立刻被炸成了紫色的浆液和古怪的血肉。

The smaller ones instantly detonate in explosions of purple fluids and unnatural flesh.

它们的鲜血溅到我的身上，被紧贴的甲片贪婪地吸收了。

Their blood splashes me, and the curved plates of my armor greedily drink it in.

我感到一阵反胃，然而却无法否认我也在如此吸收营养。

My gorge rises in disgust, even as it nourishes me.

我向前飞奔，弹出双臂，双手旋出光之利刃。我翻身跳到空中，抵着岩壁发射出一串蓝紫色的火弹。体型最大的那个恐怖之物皮开肉绽，涌出了漆黑的脓浆。

I sprint forward, snapping my arms out and wreathing my hands in blades of light. I vault into the air, pushing off the tunnel wall to blast the larger horror with pulsing streams of violet fire. Its body tears open and tar-black ichor spills out.

它发出痛苦的尖叫，肢体胡乱拍打，扭成不可思议的角度。

It screeches in pain, lashing out with its impossibly angled limbs.

我落在它们中间，翻滚着避开它的锋刃，起身半蹲着又放出一轮飞弹。它的皮肉被炽热的怒火灼烧，看来由它们自己制造的火焰才对它们最有效。

I land in their midst and roll under its blades, rising to a crouch and unleashing another stream of bolts. They burn its flesh with incandescent fury, as though fire conjured from their own kind is more lethal than any other.

我向后空翻，它的身躯垮掉了，但它却并没有死……鬼知道死对于虚空物来说是什么含义。

I flip backward as its body crashes down, but it’s not dead… whatever that means to the Voidborn.

那些体型较小的怪物流出的血被它用肢体吸走，它在吞食它们的精粹。光的织网和扭动着的物质将它的皮肉缝合，就像织布人在破烂的毯子上缝补。它庞大的躯干抽搐着，受伤的皮肉重新生长，新的肢体从躯干上冒了出来，原来的弱点变得更加坚硬。无法复原的伤口里钻出了燃着黑焰的触手，像鞭子抽打在地面一样发出噼啪声。

It draws the blood of the smaller creatures up into its limbs, drinking their very essence. Webs of light and twitching matter knit its flesh together, like a weaver sewing a torn blanket. Its huge bulk convulses, rippling as it reforms wounded flesh and pushes out new limbs, hardening areas of weakness. Burning tendrils of dark light spray from its splitting flesh, cracking like whips against the ground.

坚固的岩石如蜡一般融化，再亘古不变的东西也会被它们分解。一记抽打擦过我的膝盖，我踉跄着躲开，发现一部分盔甲被击碎，化成了一团黑烟渐渐消散。

Solid rock runs like wax as its very permanence is undone. One lash glances against my knee, and I stumble as a portion of my armor bleeds off in a bloom of black smoke.

我在下面看到了自己的皮肤，已经没了生命的血色，就像在沙漠碎石下挖洞的盲眼爬虫的皮肤。眼前的东西让我恶心，但我不知道是因为透着死亡的气息，还是因为我想起了曾经的自己。

I see my skin beneath, bleached of life and vitality, like the blind reptiles that make their burrows beneath the desert crags. It sickens me to see it, but I can’t tell if that’s because the flesh looks dead, or because it reminds me of what I used to be.

复杂的思绪拖慢了我。

The thought has slowed me.

只有一瞬的不经意，就已足够致命。那些虚灵和猎杀者已经将我团团围住。

Only for an instant, but that’s enough. The Voidlings and hunter creatures swarm me.

一个大我一倍的东西从我脚下钻出，一口把我咬住。它的利爪划过我的前胸，它的尖牙在我头顶咬合。我的面罩被它的牙齿刻下深深的印记，我向下望去，它长满了牙齿的食道正在用力收缩，软管一样的舌头正在寻找突入口。

A thing almost twice my size barrels me from my feet. Its claws tear at my chest, its teeth snapping shut over my head. Its teeth cut deep grooves in my faceplate, and I look down its thrashing, tooth-filled gullet as its proboscis tongue seeks a way in.

我用双拳抵住它的身体，将紫色的火焰喷入其中，直到满溢。它炸成了血肉模糊的一团，我的外皮吞食着它在死亡时释放出的能量。

I jam my fists against its body and blast a torrent of purple fire into its body until it can contain no more. It explodes in a welter of bony cartilage and unnatural meat, and my suit feeds on the unleashed energies of its death.

爪挠齿咬。我翻滚躲开，双手放出更多紫色的火焰。我从他们的袭击中跳跃扭转。单纯的数量上是它们占绝对优势，还有更多怪物在蜂拥着跨过深渊的边缘。

Claws and teeth slash and bite. I roll aside, more violet flame jetting from my hands. I leap and twist away from their attacks. Sheer weight of numbers works in their favor, and more of the creatures are swarming over the edge of the abyss.

甲壳、利爪和怒火的鼎沸洪流很快就淹没了我。

A boiling tide of organic plates, claws and fury that will swiftly overwhelm me.

我肩膀上的荚囊喷出愈发强大的夺命之火，但还是不足以抵挡它们。我不知道虚空是否懂得憎恨，但我感觉这些怪兽一定在恨我。我在它们眼中是某种来自它们世界的东西，但同时又必须被消灭。

My shoulder pods erupt with increasingly powerful streams of killing fire, but it won’t be enough to stop them. I don’t know if the Void is capable of hate, but I feel like these monsters hate me. They see me as something of their world, but also as something they must destroy.

不知道它们认知中的我是否有别于地面上人们眼中的我。

I wonder if their perception of me is so different from that of the people above.

它们把我包围，我想起了克糜蝼放倒斯卡骆什的场面。

They surround me, and I remember the skallashi brought down by the kmiros.

但我决不是待宰的猎物。我能反击。

But I am no prey animal. I can fight back.

我以脚跟为轴原地旋转，用燃烧着的双拳在我身边画出紫色火焰的圆环。

I spin on my heel, drawing a ring of purple fire around me with my burning fists.

火焰让它们后退，让我有了喘息的空间。我看到了一条路，跳了上去。我在它们中间穿梭，身后留下残破的尸体。我的速度不可思议。在我眼中，那些怪物从我身边一闪而过，呆若木鸡。它们跟不上我的速度，而我用双手变成的火刃连续突刺，或是降下烈焰的暴雨，对它们展开屠杀。

Its power drives them back, giving me space to breathe. I see a path, and take it. I weave through them, leaving a trail of sundered bodies in my wake. My speed is uncanny. I see the creatures around me moving as if they’re in a stupor. They can’t keep up with me, and I kill them with every pummeling blast of flame and every strike of my fire-bladed hands.

然后我冲出来了。

Then I’m clear.

我转过身，逃离深渊。

Turning, I sprint from the abyss.

速度没有快到甩掉它们，而是刚好保持在它们前方。

Not so fast as to lose them, but fast enough to stay ahead.

我失去了时间感。

I lose track of time.

在黑暗中，很容易忘记时间。

Down in the dark, that’s easy to do.

有的时候我会忘记太阳是什么样子，忘记我们如何通过影子的位置判断处于什么时段。

I sometimes forget what the sun looks like, or how we used to follow the shadows to know what part of the day we were in.

身为一个生在沙漠的人，却忘记了太阳。我不禁有点儿想哭。在我的回忆中，水面倒映着它的光辉，天空中的金色独眼，伴着每一次呼吸将愉悦的温热注入我的胸膛。

For someone born of the burning sands to forget the sun makes me want to cry. I have memories of its blazing light reflecting on water, of a golden eye in the sky, and joyous heat filling my chest with every breath.

但那些回忆感觉已经与我无关。

But they don’t feel connected to me anymore.

感觉就像是在回忆别人告诉我的事，而不是我自己的亲身体会。

It’s like I’m remembering a thing someone told me, not something I knew or felt myself.

我将那些回忆推开。

I push the memories away.

它们只会令我分心，让我迟缓，害我死亡。

They’re distractions that’ll slow me down and get me killed.

但我无法控制自己。我的内心灵魂，那个仍是小女孩的我，总是让我看到这些东西，让我时刻不忘自己从前的样子。

But I can’t help it. The core of me, the part that’s still a little girl, keeps showing me these things, keeps trying to remind me of who I used to be.

那些来自深渊的生物依然在我身后，填满了坑道。我已经将它们带离了酋首逃走的地方，正在将它们带向沙漠深处，带回到那片失落的土地。

The creatures from the abyss are still after me, filling the tunnels behind me with their screeching, clawing bodies. I’ve been leading them away from where I let the hetman go, drawing them into the deeper desert, back toward the lost land they came from.

我曾经这样做过许多次，而这也不会是最后一次。

I’ve done this many times before, and this won’t be the last time.

我短暂交战，迅速逃离，从不陷入它们的包围。

I fight and I run, never letting them surround me.

这是一支舞。永无停歇。

It’s a dance.

它们的饿意历历分明。我已经杀了那么多，但永远都还会有更多。

One that never ends.

我尽力不去想它们是那样地无穷无尽。想得太多会令我失去斗志，我不能失去斗志。因为上面的世界依然还有我关心的人们。

Their hunger is palpable. I’ve killed so many of them, but there’s always more.

就像太阳一样，他们的名字和面孔也在逐渐离我远去。

I try not to think of their endless numbers. To think too much about that would sap my will to fight, and I can’t let that happen. Not while there’s still people in the world above I care about.

但我知道他们依然在上面。我有的时候会出去，只是为了想起仰望天空的感觉。或是为了呼吸一下干燥清爽的空气，暂时离开这里的潮湿和苦涩。这股气息诉说着一个充满恐怖和敌意的地方。距离我上次探出地面已经过了很久。在上面呆的时间越久，我就越觉得空气在烧灼。恐怕我已经更加习惯黑暗，恐怕上面的阳光已经不想再见到我。

Like the sun, their names and faces are drifting further away from me.

我记得我曾在上面遇到过一个小女孩。

But I know they’re still above me. I go there sometimes, just to remember what it feels like to see the sky above me. Or to breathe air that isn’t wet with the bitter flavor of somewhere terrible and utterly hostile. It’s been a long time since I ventured to the surface. The longer I spend there, the more I feel its air start to burn me. I’m afraid I’m becoming more used to the darkness, that the sunlit world above doesn’t want me anymore.

她还很小，就像曾经的我，而且她并不恨我。看到我的样子以后，她并没有像其他人那样逃跑。她看到了我曾经的样子，但大多数人都看不到。

I remember when I met a girl up there.

他们只看得到我的外皮，感受到它从我眼神中散发出的解构万物的原始冲动。

She was young, like I was once, and she didn’t hate me. She saw what I was and she didn’t run in terror like most people do. She saw who I used to be, but that’s not what most people see.

他们无法抑制住恐惧，我也不会因此恨他们，我只是很伤心。

They see the suit, and feel its primal urge to unmake them simmering behind my eyes.

伤心的是我知道自己曾和他们一样，而如今……

They can’t help it, and I don’t hate them for it, but it hurts.

如今我不知道自己是什么。

It hurts to know I used to be just like them, and now…

但即便我已改变了这么多，即便我令他们又恨又怕，我却依然保留着身为人类的心。如果我能永不忘记那个身为小女孩的自己，我就能把自己身上的可怕经历变成某种善良、高贵的东西。

Now I don’t know what I am.

但我能感觉到自己的人性正在慢慢溜走。

But for all that I’ve changed and become something they hate and fear, I’m still holding on to what makes me human. If I can just hold on to the part of me that was a little girl once, I can turn the awful things that have happened to me into something good, something noble.

如果我再也记不起那个小女孩，我会变成什么？

But I can feel it slipping away.

What will I be when I can’t remember her?

那群虚空怪兽之中发生了某种异变。

我几乎立刻就感知到了，他们的目标出现转移。很难说是什么样的改变，但很明显它们转移了追逐的目标，似乎它们已经不在乎我了。

A change comes over the Void creatures.

似乎它们找到了更好的目标，更能满足它们暴烈的破坏欲。

I sense it almost immediately, a turn in their purpose. It’s hard to know what changes, but it’s clear that their pursuit of me has shifted, like they don’t care about me anymore.

一种可怕的怀疑油然而生，我迅速甩开身后的怪物们。

Like they have better target for their ferocious urge to destroy.

我的肤甲让我的速度远远超过他们，而且我在坑道中穿梭时如同幽灵般无影无踪，奔跑于只有我才知道的崎岖小道。我绕过兽群，能感受到它们的追逐已经没那么凶狠，然后我开始返回地面，感受到地表世界的炽热躁动。

A terrible suspicion fills me, and I surge away from the creatures behind me.

我一直都在尽力让怪物们靠近我，引它们离开地面的人类聚落，但当我顺着一道隐秘的裂缝爬上一块独石高塔来到地面的时候，我发现我大错特错了。

My armor makes me faster than them, and I move through the tunnels like a ghost, taking the crooked paths that only I know about. I feel the ferocity of the chase fade as I circle around, climbing back to the surface and feeling the hot tension of the world above.

我一直以为我在引开怪物，真的。

I’d been trying to keep the monsters close to me, trying to lure them away from the settlements on the surface, but when I emerge into the sunlight through a hidden cleft at the top of a solitary spire of bare rock, I see how horribly wrong I’ve been.

石塔的顶端摆着一颗巨大的头骨，这是某种记号。

I thought I was leading the monsters away, truly I did.

是某种警告。意味着这片土地并不安全。

A giant skull has been set upon a boulder atop the spire, a marker of sorts.

我认识它，因为是我把它放在这里的。

It’s a warning. A sign that these lands are not safe.

我一脚踏在头骨上，俯视着一个人头攒动的聚落。

I know that’s what it is, because I put it here.

头盔从面前折开，我用自己的双眼观察。

One foot on the skull, I look down at a settlement full of people.

下方是整洁的街道，以及两侧漂亮的房屋，一砖一瓦尽情沐浴在阳光下。聚落的最北边覆着大片的丝绸布匹，那是繁忙集市的遮阳蓬。我还在一个屋顶看到了一枚金色的圆盘，那里可能是一座神庙。欢声笑语一直飘到石塔顶端，传到我的耳畔。

My helm unfolds from over my face, and I see with my own eyes.

我闻到了烤肉、动物的粪便，以及浓郁的香辛料味道。

Beneath me are neat and ordered streets, running between finely made buildings of sun-baked bricks. At the settlement’s southern end are the silken awnings of a bustling market, and I see a disc of gold on the roof of what I think is a temple. The sounds of laughter drift up to me on the spire.

那是生命的味道，是地上世界尘嚣的质感。

I smell roasting meat, animal dung, and the heady aroma of spices.

有那么一刻，我回到了那个快要被遗忘的童年。我的嘴角微微翘起，也许是个微笑。

They are the smells of life, the everyday texture of the world above.

然后我想起黄沙之下潜藏的东西，于是那半截微笑立刻沉了下去。

For a second I’m transported back to my half-forgotten youth, and the corners of my mouth curl in what might be a smile.

我的心在胸口狂跳，我感到喘不过气。

Then I remember what lurks beneath the sands, and the half-formed smile falls from my face.

他们难道不知道自己处于危险中吗？

My heart pounds in my chest and I fight to draw breath.

我甲壳的内层用力咬紧我的皮肉，痛得我单膝跪地。它想进食了，而我突然开始想，我走过的路有多少是我自己选的，有多少是它的蓄意而为。

Don’t they know the danger they’re in?

我的感知与那些虚空的生物能够产生精确的共鸣。

The inner surfaces of my armor clamp down hard on my flesh, and I sink to one knee with the pain of it. It’s hungry to feed, and I wonder how much of my path has been chosen by me, how much by its design.

它们距离很近，非常近，正在向地面掘进。就在沙漠里的某处。

My senses are finely tuned to the denizens of the Void.

我能感到它们即将破土而出，就像风暴在空气中酝酿聚集。

They’re close, so very close, and rising to the surface. Somewhere out in the desert.

面罩盖了下来，在我的视野中出现了光线与热量的纹样。

I feel the imminence of a breach like the pressure in the air before a storm.

我回头看向聚落，我听到了钢铁的碰撞和人们的叫喊声。

The mask slams back into place, filling my vision with patterns of light and heat.

我的视线扫过聚落边缘的一处习武场，有数十个持着兵器的人排成行列，有男有女。我疑惑地看着他们的奇怪行为，然后恍然大悟。

I look back to the settlement as I hear the clash of steel, and a shouting voice.

他们正在接受战斗训练。

My gaze drifts to a martial field set at the settlement’s edge, where scores of armed men and women are lined up. I watch them, confused as to what they’re doing until it hits me.

一个人正在对大家喊叫，唤起他们心中的勇气，点燃他们灵魂的火焰。

They’re training to fight.

我听不清他说什么，但我能看清他的脸，如同他就在我身边一样清晰。

A man is shouting at them, filling their hearts with courage and their souls with fire.

他就是那个被我拖到地下的那个酋首。

I can’t hear his words, but I can see his face as clearly as if he were standing right next to me.

It’s the hetman I dragged below the earth.

我借着岩石的掩护，小心地接近那座聚落。

虚空兽群非常近，在我脑壳内产生了一种压力。

I vault from rock to rock as I make my way down to the settlement.

风暴将至。

The nearness of the Void creatures is a building pressure in my skull.

我穿过圈养动物的围栏，牲口嗅到了我的气味，被惊吓得不轻。

It won’t be long before they’re here.

人们起初没有注意到我。然后我听到了警戒的喊叫声开始蔓延。他们在人群中看到了我身披甲壳的影子。我径直冲向那个酋首，我已经能感受到愤怒在血管中跳动。

I leap through an animal enclosure, scattering the livestock as they catch my scent, and panic.

我已经带他亲眼看过了！他为什么听不进去？我带他去看过地底下的恐怖。我要他感受到它们的存在本身就是灾祸，并将恐惧带回给他的人民。

The people of the settlement don’t notice me at first. Then I hear the cries of alarm spread as they see my armored form in their midst. I’m heading straight for the hetman, and I already feel anger pounding in my veins.

但到头来，我却让他留下来作战的意志变得更坚决了。

I showed him! Why didn’t he listen? I took him to see the horrors below. I wanted him to feel the terror of their very existence and to carry that terror back to his people.

每个死在这里的人都将是我的责任。我的手上将会沾满他们的血。

But all I’ve done is strengthened his resolve to stand and fight.

我本想阻止这一切，但却让他们在死亡面前无路可逃。

Every person that dies here will be my fault. Their blood will be on my hands.

男女老少在我面前惊慌四散，即使手里拿着武器也惶恐不已。那个酋首的表情严峻。上次我见到他的时候，他也同样惶恐，但他的恐惧已经转变成了憎恨。

I wanted to prevent this, but I’ve made their deaths inevitable.

他的眼神表明，他以为我是来杀他的——或许他想的没错。

Men and women scatter before me, terrified despite the weapons they carry. The hetman’s face hardens. The last time I saw him, he was terrified, but his terror has turned to hate.

我在他面前急停，面罩弹开。

His eyes tell me he thinks I’m here to kill him, and maybe I am.

“你怎么还在这里？”我开口大喊，尝到了沙漠的热气。在聚落本身的气息之下，我能感受到虚空正在不断逼近。那味道就像是嘴里咬着一枚铜币。“走啊！”

My mask snaps open as I come to a halt before him.

“退后，恶魔！”他怒吼道。“你是怪兽的噩兆！”

“Why are you still here?” I scream, tasting the hot desert air. Underneath the smells of the settlement, I feel the growing presence of the Void. It’s like biting on a copper coin. “Go!”

一时间，我完全不明白他的意思。然后我懂了。

“Back, demon!” he snarls. “You are a herald of the beasts!”

“你觉得我引来了怪兽……？”

For a moment, his meaning is lost on me. Then I understand.

“我知道你，”他恶狠狠地说着，向我靠近，“你是虚空之女。你走到哪，怪兽跟到哪。”

“You think I bring the monsters…?”

我摇摇头，想要将这无端的指责全数奉还。

“I know you,” he spits, advancing on me. “You are the Void’s daughter. Wherever you walk, the monsters follow.”

然后我突然想，或许他说的对。

I shake my head, ready to throw his accusation back in his face…

无论我走到哪里，只要遇到虚空物就一定会与它们大战。

Then I wonder if he’s right.

我把双手举到面前，贴合的护甲板表面有一条条发丝般精细的脉络在闪着紫光。一直以来，我始终认为它是我的一部分，是我在控制它，但如果我的控制并不像自己以为的那样彻底呢？我在心中发力，那些发光的脉络渐渐消失。

I fight the Voidborn wherever I can, wherever I find them.

这可能吗？那些虚空的怪兽真的是冲我来的吗？

I hold my hand up before me, seeing the hair-fine threads of violet light shimmering in the sculpted plates of my armor. Until now, I have always thought it was part of me, that I controlled it, but what if my control isn’t so complete as I thought? I assert my will, and the veins of light fade.

不，我应该会意识到的。如果是我阴差阳错地把它们引狼入室，我自己会意识到的。

Is it possible? Are the creatures of the Void drawn to me?

怀疑变成了愤怒，我双手周围的光刃变亮了。

No, I would know. I’d know if I was somehow drawing them deeper into the world.

My doubt turns to anger, and the blades of light brighten around my hands.

“我曾逃出你的魔爪，”酋首说着，举起了剑，“我们将对抗你执掌的怪兽。”

“你逃出了我的魔爪？”我难以置信，“你没记错吧？”

“I escaped you once before,” said the hetman, raising his sword. “And we will fight the beasts you command.”

他用剑砍过来，但被我轻易挡开。他并不是用剑的好手，我很容易就能躲开他的攻击。他一次次挥砍，我环绕着他躲闪。镇上的人们聚了过来，纷纷叫喊着要他们的领袖砍死我。我的铠甲回应着他每一下攻击，也回应着人们的愤怒，让我的身体渴望战斗，渴望杀戮。

“You escaped me?” I say, incredulous. “Is that what you think happened?”

他们看到的是我身上的第二层表皮，但他们却没有意识到自己正处于何种危险中。

He swings his sword, but I block it easily. He’s not skilled with a blade, and it’s easy for me to dodge his attacks. I circle him as he swings again and again. The townsfolk are gathered around me, screaming at their leader to strike a deathblow. My armor responds to his every attack and their aggression, filling my body with the urge to fight, to kill.

并非来自虚空的危险。而是来自我。

They see the second skin I wear, but they don’t realize how much danger they’re in right now.

他们看不到那个被遮挡在下面的姑娘。他们不想看见她。

Not from the Void. From me.

将我视为怪兽，对他们来说更简单。

They can’t see the girl beneath. They don’t want to see her.

遭到误解和背叛的愤怒开始在我心中升起。我为什么要为了拯救他们而战斗？我为什么要为了挽留自己的人性而战斗？明明我已失去一切，明明回忆那么痛彻心扉。

It’s easier for them to believe I’m a monster.

为什么不干脆顺遂他们的希望，成为怪兽？

I feel anger and betrayal harden my heart to them. Why should I fight to save them? Why do I fight to hold on to my humanity, when it hurts so much to remember all I’ve lost?

那样不是更简单吗？

Why not just become the monster they think I am?

可是然后我看到，在怒容满面的酋首背后，有战战兢兢的老人躲在亲手建造的家中窥望，也有年轻的母亲正怀抱着新生的婴儿。而在他们背后，还有千百种日常琐事，透着爱和善意，在不经意间发生着。

Wouldn’t that be easier?

正因如此，我才要与怪兽们抗争到底。

But then I look beyond the hetman’s angry face, to the grandparents watching from the doorways of the homes they built with their own two hands. To the young mothers clutching newborns to their breasts. And beyond even them, to the thousand daily displays of love and the small acts of kindness that go unnoticed every day in the world.

我替那些无力之人挺身而出，因为没有人能像我一样战斗。

That’s why I fight the monsters.

舍我其谁？

I stand for the people who cannot stand, because there’s no one who fights quite like me.

如果我置之不理，那个回来的女孩也将荡然无存。

Because if I don’t stand for them, who will?

但每一场战争都需要牺牲。我已经牺牲了太多——而我知道现在又到了抉择的时候。这一次，以血为代价的人不会是我，但这笔血债依然会由我背负

And what will be left of the girl who came back if I don’t?

我环绕一周。每个人都在看着酋首。他是他们的力量，是他们留在这里的唯一原因。他为他们带来勇气，以及在绝境之下誓死抵抗的决心，即便他们面临的敌人不可战胜、不可理喻，而且每吞噬一个生命都会变得更强大。

But every war requires sacrifice. I’ve made so many already—now I know I need to make yet another. This time it won’t be me that pays the blood price, but I’ll carry it all the same.

如果不想让所有人都葬身于此，就只有一种解决方式。

I turn a full circle. Everyone is looking to the hetman. He’s their strength, the only reason they’re still here. He’s filled their hearts with courage and the will to fight an enemy that can’t be fought, can’t be bargained with, and which only gets stronger with every life it consumes.

我挡下又一记笨拙的挥砍，弹开他的剑同时，我突入他的防守范围，将带着光刃的双手重重砸在他胸前。

There’s only one way to end this without everybody dying.

灼热的能量灌入他的身体，让他的体表发出光亮。他的每一根血管、神经末梢和骨骼都焕发出灼热的光芒。在那明亮的刹那过后，他的身体爆炸了。

I block yet another clumsy swing, and as his sword goes wide, I spin inside his guard to hammer my light-bladed fists against his chest.

场面惨烈，但我已无法停手。我感受到虚空的临近，就像肠子被打了结。空气的质感突然改变，我知道虚空已经爬到了地表。

Searing energy pours into him, filling his body with light. His every vein, nerve ending, and bone burns with searing brilliance for an instant before his body explodes.

虚空已经来到地面，而且正在向这里靠近。

It’s awful, but I can’t stop now. I feel the nearness of the Void as a terrible, twisting pain in my gut. The texture of the air abruptly changes, and I know the Void has climbed to the world above.

酋首细碎的尸骸散落在沙地上，很难被认出曾为人类的痕迹。我转过头来，人们在恐惧中四处逃窜，而我肩上的荚囊也张开了口子，凶光毕露。我感到体内炽热的压力在蓄积，如同无处释放的疼痛。

It’s on the surface and it’s coming here now.

我放出一轮盘旋飞行的光弹，将一座废弃的谷仓炸成带着余烬的碎石。着火的种子和篮筐四下飞散。又一轮飞弹将市场夷为了平地，丝绸的遮阳棚被点燃的样子就像沙船上的帆迎来了日出。

I turn away from the molten, disintegrating ruin of the hetman as his body falls to the sand, barely recognizable as something that was once human. People scatter in terror as my shoulder pods slide up and fill with killing light. I feel the fiery pressure build within me, aching for release.

白热的紫火在整座聚落中流淌开来，巨大的爆炸造成了毁灭性的破坏。人们尖叫着逃出自己的家。他们以为我在大开杀戒，以为我已经变成了恶贯满盈的怪物，但那并非事实。

I unleash a salvo of spiraling light, blasting a deserted grain store to blazing rubble. Burning seeds and baskets spill from the ruins. I obliterate the market with more flashing bolts, and the silk awnings rise up like the burning sails of a sand-clipper as they catch light.

我破坏的，只有通过面具视觉确认过空无一人的房屋。

Purple-white fire streaks through the settlement and explodes with devastating force. People run screaming as I destroy their homes. They think I’m trying to kill them, that I’m doing this because I’ve become something monstrous, but that’s just not true.

我炸毁了无人布防的城墙和街垒——任何让他们觉得有希望和虚空抗衡的东西。

I only destroy buildings my helm’s vision shows me are empty.

我并不是要大开杀戒。我只是想让他们逃跑。

I demolish unmanned walls and barricades—anything that might give them hope they have a chance against the Void.

I’m not trying to kill them. I just want them to run.

夜幕降临，我站在石塔上看着燃烧着的聚落，一只脚踩在那颗作为警告符号的头骨上。虚空物的兽群向我涌来，黑压压的一片，只见无数乱咬的长牙、畸形的肢体和非人的身影。

那声音就像一群饥饿的昆虫在啃噬一片成熟的庄稼。

Night has fallen as I watch from the spire of rock above the burning settlement, one foot braced on the skull I left as a warning marker. The horde of Voidborn climbs toward me in a rush of snapping fangs, misshapen limbs, and inhuman forms.

它们密密麻麻、不计其数，几乎无法分清哪里是头哪里是尾，只能看清杂乱的尖牙利爪。它们是狂乱的破坏之力结成的实体。

It sounds like a swarm of voracious insects devouring a harvest crop.

它们感知到了我的存在，而我并没有逃跑的打算。

There’s too many to count, almost no way to tell where one beast ends and the next begins. It’s just a mass of teeth and claws. Unbridled destruction given form.

因为如果它们冲我来，就不会去追赶聚落的人。

They sense my presence here, and I make no attempt to run.

天边露出不属于这个世界的异样火光，亮紫色的闪电在沙漠深处的破碎土地上忽明忽暗，闪烁的叉状裂纹此起彼伏。

Because if they’re coming for me, they’re not going after the people of the settlement.

那些居民早早就逃跑了，牵着他们的牲口，驾着五颜六色的篷车，带着所有不忍放弃的东西。他们已经向西跑出了好几里，长长的纵队就像以前多满巨兽骑手的队伍。

The horizon burns with a sick light that doesn’t belong in this world, and forking traceries of vivid, purple lightning flash up from the sundered ground deep in the desert.

他们将寻着沙路前往新鲜的水源，不断走下去，直至再次启程。

The settlement’s inhabitants have long since fled, leading their animals behind colorful wagons bearing what possessions they couldn’t bear to leave behind. They’re already many miles west, moving in a long column like the dormun-riders of old.

是的。要再次启程，首先要活下去。

They’ll follow the sand roads to the new-flowing waters, moving on until they can begin again.

他们回首看着已经陷落的家，指着石塔上的我，狠狠咒骂。他们的表情历历在目，依然让我心痛。满是恐惧和憎恨。

And that’s the point. To begin again they need to be alive.

他们将始终带着那份憎恨，把恐怖的故事口口相传，关于一个被抛弃的女孩如何变成了怪物，关于她如何杀掉他们英勇的领袖，又摧毁了他们的家园。那个故事将在反反复复的讲述中不断生长，就像所有恕瑞玛的故事惯常的境遇，直到最后我变成一个冷血杀手，老幼妇孺皆不放过。

I remember their faces as they looked back at their lost homes. They pointed to me high up on the spire, and cursed me. The memory of their faces still pains me. So full of fear and hatred.

第一只怪物已经笨拙地爬上了边沿。肤甲重新覆盖在我脸上，双手周围包裹着蓝紫色的火焰。我感到一种熟悉的冲动，身体仿佛燃烧起来。

They’ll carry that hate with them, telling stories of the forsaken girl who isn’t a girl anymore. They’ll tell how she killed their heroic leader before destroying their homes. The tale will grow in the telling, as Shuriman tales are wont to do, until I’ll be known as a heartless murderer, a killer of women and children.

如果这就是我保护人们需要付出的代价，那就尽管来吧。

The carapace slides back across my face as the first of the monsters scramble onto the ledge. Violet fire sheathes my hands. I feel the familiar rush of excitement as my body fills with heat.

这是我甘愿承受的负担。

If this is what I need to be to keep my people alive, then so be it.

让我来做他们的怪物吧。

That’s a burden I’m willing to bear.

I’ll be their monster.