回来的女孩 The Girl Who Came Back

作者： Michael McCarthy

“听我说，”我告诉小女孩。她在深坑旁边找到了我。“我要你听好，时间不多了。”

“Listen to me,” I tell the little girl who found me here, beside the pit. “I need you to hear me. There isn’t much time.”

她探过头，眼神中没有一丝恐惧。“告诉我该怎么做。”

She leans forward, without a hint of fear in her eyes. “Tell me what to do.”

我喜欢她。浅笑在我脸上绽开，距离上一次笑容，仿佛已经过了……永远。“这个不行，”我一边说，一边示意她握着的箭。她拿在手里的姿势像是握着一杆长矛。

I like her. A slight smile breaks across my face, for the first time in what seems like… forever. “Not this,” I say, gesturing to the arrow gripped in her hand. She holds it like a spear.

虚空把我从家人身边掳走的时候我还很小，所以我当时什么都不懂。但是其他人，他们太不小心了。祭品、牲礼、贡物——随便你怎么叫吧，反正都是行不通的。它不是神，绝不会满足于献礼和祷告。它要的只有吞噬一切。

I was only a child when the Void took me from my family, so I didn’t know any better either. But the rest of them, they were so careless. Sacrifices, offerings, tributes—whatever you want to call them, they were never going to work. It isn’t some god, appeased by gifts and prayers. It just wants to devour everything.

“你想杀了它吗？想要毁灭它吗？”我问她。

“You want to kill it? You want to destroy it?” I ask her.

她点了点头。

She nods.

“那就要饿死它。”

“Then starve it.”

皮肉里的针刺感更强了一些，似乎是在回应这句话。一种威压正在靠近，我的第二皮肤开始收缩，像一张强弓一样紧绷起来。我最后深吸一口气，准备迎接它们。

The sensation of needles on my flesh grows stronger, as if in response to these words. The threatening presence is closing in around us, and my second skin constricts, pulling taut as a bow. I take one last deep breath before they come.

砂砾开始流动，如同沙漏中正在塌陷的漩涡。诡异的微光脉动着渗入夜空，拼造的生物在恕瑞玛的夜幕下高高跃起，口角黏涎，狂吼怪叫。我稳住身体，能量在肩荚中蓄积。

The sand begins to shift, puckering and falling away, like in an hourglass. Eerie pulses of light filter into the sky, as the construct-creatures heave themselves up into the Shuriman night, screeching and drooling. I steady myself, charging the energy inside my shoulder pods.

我咬紧牙，能量倾泻而出。

I grit my teeth, and release it.

明亮的灼热和轰鸣的剧痛从天而降，瞬间命中，将那些生物生生截停，掀翻在侧。空气中漫起一股酸臭，间杂着几丁质溶蚀的嘶嘶声。

Bright blooms of heat and pain find their targets quickly, raining down, stopping the creatures in their tracks, flinging them aside. The air is filled with an acid reek, and the hiss of melting chitin.

很快，怪物就化为了乌有。针刺的感觉应该很快就该止住了，但却没有。

Soon there is nothing left of them. I wait for the needles’ itch to stop, but it doesn’t.

小女孩半蹲在我身边，依然摆出攻击的架势。她可能无法理解自己刚才目睹的一切。

The girl is crouched beside me, ready. She probably cannot understand what she is seeing.

“疼吗？”她一边小声问，一边伸手摸向我胳膊上泛着微光的鳞片。

“Does it hurt?” she whispers, her hand reaching out for the glowing scales on my arm.

我下意识地抽回了手。她却丝毫没有怯懦。

I pull back reflexively. She doesn’t even flinch.

“偶尔，”我承认道。

“Sometimes,” I confess.

不远处，她的村子毫不知情地继续沉睡着。小女孩的好奇心完全控制了她。那么多故事和寓言，既令她惊骇又让她着迷。虚灵怪兽在死寂的夜里捕猎，呼唤着彼此。

Not too far away, her village sleeps on unaware, for the most part. Curiosity had no doubt gotten the better of this little girl. So many stories, fables both frightening and fantastical. The voidling beasts hunting in the dead of night, calling to one another.

她想亲眼看看。看看山岩后面究竟藏着什么，看看人们又敬又怕的东西是什么样的。

She just wanted to see for herself. See what lurks beyond the rocks, see the thing her people both fear and adore at the same time.

我的皮肤再次紧缩。针尖，不断的刺痒……

My skin tightens again. The needles, the constant itch…

我眨了一下眼，“抱歉，你还没告诉我你的名字。”

I blink. “I’m sorry, you didn’t tell me your name.”

她骄傲地站起来，手里依然握着那支箭。“我叫伊丽。我来保护家人赶走怪兽。”她还不到十岁。

She stands up proudly, still brandishing the arrow. “I’m Illi. I came to protect my family from the monster.” She is no more than ten years of age.

“嗯，伊丽——有时候逃命才是最要紧的。”

“Well, Illi—sometimes running is the best thing to do.”

“可是你没跑，”她一边说着，眯起双眼，“对吗？”

“But you don’t run,” she says, narrowing her eyes, “do you?”

聪明的小姑娘。我摇摇头，“不会再跑了。”

A clever one, this girl. I shake my head. “Not anymore.”

“那我也不会跑！”伊丽勇气满满地大声宣布。

“Then I won’t either!” Illi proclaims. Brave as well.

她根本不知道人们面对的是什么。没人知道。他们为了摆脱怪物，所做的一切全都是在敲响开饭的铃铛。

She has no idea what they’re dealing with. None of them do. All these things her people have done to rid themselves of the creatures, they were just ringing the dinner bell.

“伊丽，你要去告诉他们。让他们知道，不要再在新月下跳舞。不要再把牲口栓在桩子上。虚空不懂什么叫手下留情——它不吃东西就会死。”

“You need to tell them, Illi. You need to make them understand. No more dancing beneath the new moon. And no more animals tied to stakes. The Void has no mercy to offer—it feeds or it dies.”

那一天，我明白了这一切，我也知道了自己有一丝希望。或许这就是为什么我能幸存，而其他那么多的人都死了。

The day I came to understand this, was when I knew I had a chance. Maybe that’s why I survive, while so many others perish.

但是幸存永远都有代价。自从我找到回来的路，就一直在偿还这代价。

But survival always has its price. Ever since I found my way back, I’ve been paying it.

“你看……”小女孩低声说道。“他们来找我们了。”

“Look…” the girl whispers. “They are coming to find us.”

我不需要看。我早就知道他们会来的。直觉的作用下，甲壳包覆了我的脸。伊丽抬头盯着我。

I don’t have to look. I knew they would come. By instinct, the carapace draws over my face. Illi stares up at me.

“不要被吓到，”我的声音变得扭曲怪异，完全可以表达相反的意思。

“Don’t be frightened,” I say to her in a voice now so twisted and monstrous, it could have the opposite meaning.

“被什么吓到？”她问道。我又露出了微笑，只不过她已经看不到。

“Of what?” she asks. I find myself wearing a smile she cannot see.

只有少数几个人曾经看到过我的真身，或者说，看到过现在覆盖在我身上的东西。除了两个人之外全死了。

There are only a handful of people who’ve ever seen me in the flesh, or whatever it is that now covers my body. All but two of them are dead.

伊丽的族人看来是精干的猎手。只有精干的人才可能在这里生活。我明白她的勇气是从哪里来的了。他们的火炬在黑暗中闪烁着。

Illi’s people appear to be capable hunters. Only the capable live out here. I can see where she got her bravery. Their torches twinkle in the night.

“爹！”她没有提醒我就向着前来搜救的村民大叫。“我找到她了！那个活着回来的女孩。”

“Papa!” she calls out to the searching villagers, without warning me. “I found her! The girl who came back!”

他们现在向我们这边走来了，手中握着武器，眼底火光闪闪。“伊丽！”她的父亲一边大喊着，一边将箭搭在弓上。“离那个……东西，离远点儿！”

They’re heading toward us now, weapons at the ready, fire in their eyes. “Illi!” her father yells, nocking an arrow to his bow. “Get away from that... thing!”

她再次抬头看我，一脸疑惑。像伊丽这么大的孩子，十有八九早已掉头就跑。或者更夸张。我知道大多数人是怎么说我的。我看到过，他们把自己的恐惧涂写在泥巴墙上，一直延伸到山谷间的巨石。

She looks up at me again, confused. For every little girl like Illi, there are ten others who would run the other way. Or worse. I know what most people say about me. I’ve seen their fear scrawled across mud walls, scratched into the canyon rocks.

回来的女孩是个怪物，请小心！

Beware the girl who came back a monster.

他们根本不了解我。对他们来说，我只是他们不愿面对的东西——一个活生生、会走路、会打架的象征，象征着他们最害怕的东西。我猜这就是为什么他们改了我的名字。

They don’t know a thing about me. To them, I’m just something they do not want to face—a living, walking, fighting embodiment of what they fear most. I guess that’s why they added the mark to my name.

十年前，我是凯莎——和伊丽差不多，憧憬着如同夜空繁星般的无尽未来。但在我被虚空掳走的那天，未来就彻底破灭了。

Ten years ago, I was only Kaisa—very much like Illi, hopeful about a future as limitless as the stars in the night sky. That future died the day the Void dragged me down.

针刺又回来了。伊丽松开我的手同时，微微放光的武器开始在我的双臂上成型。“去找他，”我对她说。“去找你的父亲。”

The needles are back. Illi releases my hand just as my luminous weapons materialize over my arms. “Go to him,” I tell her. “Go to your father.”

“伊丽，快跑！”她的父亲恳求着，用颤抖的双手拉开弓弦。

“Illi, run!” her father pleads. He draws back his bowstring with trembling hands.

“不要！”她大喊着转向我。“我不会再逃了。”

“No!” she yells, turning to me. “I don’t run anymore.”

我用手轻轻将她推向前，眼睛依然紧锁着村民们。“不是逃，伊丽，你天生就是战士。他们会需要你的。”

I usher her forwards, keeping my eyes trained on the villagers. “No, Illi, you were born a fighter. They will need you.”

走出几步以后，她转过身。“我应该和他们怎么说？”

After a few steps, she turns back. “What do I tell them?”

“告诉他们……告诉他们做好准备。”

“Tell them... Tell them to be ready.”

虚空已经夺走了我太多东西，但我拒绝让它夺走一切。这些渺小的时刻，当善良和人性照进心扉，当天真和信任消灭了恐惧——所有这些时刻都让我充满了希望，认定我们能够战胜地底深处亘古涌动的暗流。

The Void has taken so much from me, but I refuse to let it take everything. These moments, where kindness and humanity shine through, where innocence and trust extinguish fear—they fill me with hope that we can defeat the rivers of timeless poison that flow beneath the world.

我第一次逃脱深渊活下来，是为了自己。

The first time I escaped the abyss, I did it for myself.

或许会有一天，我是为了他们而活的。

Maybe one day, it will be for them.