忘忧花园 The Garden of Forgetting

一阵风将寒夜的凉气吹出花园，涌动的气味里混杂了烂熟的水果和盛开的花。阿狸站在花园的入口，脚下的地面从岩石过渡成沃土，迷宫似的处处洞穴仰天卧在深邃的火山口中。浓密的树林和荆棘在月光下郁郁葱葱，盛开的鲜花茂密锦簇。阿狸犹豫了，她知道危险和美丽总是形影不离。她很小的时候就曾听过这片神圣树林的传说，但从来都没穿过南边的洞穴找到过这里。故事里讲，那些跨进花园的人，进去时一个样子，出来时就完全成了另一个人，或者再也没出来。

A gust of wind blew cold night air from the garden, carrying with it enticing scents of overripe fruit and blooming flowers. Ahri stood before the garden's entrance, where stone transitioned to soil and narrow labyrinthine caves opened to the sky in a deep caldera. Thickets of trees and brambles grew wild beneath the moonlight, while flowers bloomed in lush abundance. Ahri hesitated, knowing well the twin nature of danger and beauty. She had heard legends of the sacred grove since childhood, but had never before traversed the southern caverns to find it. According to the stories, those who stepped over the threshold of the garden began as one person and left as someone else entirely, or did not leave at all.

无论如何，阿狸心意已决。她跨进花园，颈后突然有一阵针刺的感觉，就像是有人在盯着她。树影之中不见一人，但花园中却一点也不平静。阿狸放眼望去，每一秒钟都有新的花朵绽放。阿狸沿着一条蜿蜒的小路穿过纷扰的植被，脚下的根脉在土壤中蠢蠢颤动。她低头避过殷勤招展的藤条，确信自己在树叶摩挲声中听到了“嘘”的一声。

Whatever the truth might be, Ahri had made up her mind. As she stepped into the garden, the back of her neck prickled as if someone were watching her. No figure was visible amongst the trees, but the garden was far from still. Everywhere Ahri looked, new flowers bloomed with each passing second. Ahri walked a winding path through the tangle of plants, stepping over roots rumbling beneath the soil. She ducked under hanging vines that reached out to her as if clamoring for affection. She could have sworn she heard a hush from the soft rustling of leaves.

几缕月光透过头顶的树冠，映出了银箔和金箔的树叶。花柄绕着树干，扭捏地展示自己璀若宝石的花蕾。饱满的辣樱桃外皮裹着一层糖霜，在蓬乱的枝头摇摇欲坠，轻轻敲打出悦耳的音调。

Moonbeams shone through the canopy above, revealing trees bearing leaves of silver and gold. Flower stalks entwined around their trunks, curling to display dazzling buds brighter than any gemstone. Plump spicecherries coated in a layer of frost chimed softly as they swayed amid an untamed thicket.

一朵雪百合花探出头来，轻抚阿狸的脸庞。这诱惑难以抗拒。阿狸将脸埋进花瓣中，花香沁人心脾。她的鼻子一抽，味道中有熟透的橘子、夏日的和风，还有新鲜的捕杀。花朵泛起了新的颜色，微微颤动，阿狸一口气卡在喉咙中，无法呼吸，摇摇欲坠，花儿的香味让她头晕目眩。

A snow lily stretched toward Ahri’s face and caressed her cheek gently. It was too alluring to resist. Ahri pressed her face into its petals to inhale its heady scent. Her nose chilled and she took in the faint smell of oranges, the summer breeze, and the tang of a fresh kill. The blossom trembled as it blushed with color, and Ahri’s breath caught in her throat. She swayed, dizzy at the flower’s perfume.

咔擦

Snip.

雪百合跌落在泥土中，花茎的切口向外渗出可怖的汁液。阿狸呼出一口气，九条尾巴扭动着，头脑逐渐清醒过来。

The snow lily fell to the soil, severed at its stem. A viscous liquid seeped from the cut. Ahri let out a breath, her nine tails twitching as her head cleared.

阿狸不禁一惊，一个妇人站在了她面前，头上一缕灰丝，手中一把剪刀。她戴着一条斑斓的披肩，睫毛上闪着晶莹的露水。

Ahri startled as a woman with wisps of gray-white hair stood before her, shears in hand. She was wrapped in colorful shawls and her eyelashes sparkled with dew.

妇人的双眸碧绿如海，凝望着阿狸。阿狸感到一丝不安，感觉她只要剪刀一挥，自己也会像花茎一样一刀两断。妇人的脸庞像树皮一样布满皱纹，脸上的表情不可捉摸。不过这时，阿狸已经不再担心自己的安全。

As the woman turned her sea-green gaze to Ahri, Ahri felt a strange unease, as if this woman could slice through her gut just as easily as a fibrous stalk. The woman’s face, wrinkled like tree bark, was impossible to read. But Ahri was no longer concerned for her own safety.

“您吓到我了，伊吉尔娅。”阿狸说。在故事里，这位老妇人被称为食秘者、被遗忘者，或者巫婆花匠。但是阿狸得在如此强大的人面前表现出一些尊敬，所以决定叫他伊吉尔娅。曾祖母的意思。

“You startled me, Ighilya,” said Ahri. In the stories, the old woman was known as the Eater of Secrets, the Forgotten, or the Witch Gardener. Wanting to show respect to one with such power, Ahri decided to call her Ighilya. Great grandmother.

“花儿向我们索取，”她说。“正如我们会向它们索取。四处嗅探是不明智的。我会察觉。我必须亲自喂养这些饥饿的孩子。”

“The flowers want something from us,” she said. “Just as we seek something from them. It would be wise to keep your nose to yourself. I would know. I have to feed these hungry babies myself.”

“这么说您就是花匠。”阿狸说。

“So you are the Gardener,” said Ahri.

“那是比较好听的一个叫法。但无关紧要。我知道你为什么来这儿，伊米娜”

“One of my kinder names, yes. But quite beside the point. I know why you’re here, Iminha.”

小不点。这个词让阿狸觉得不太舒服，因为这是家人之间的亲昵称呼，但她不确定为何不舒服。

Little one. Ahri felt uncomfortable at the word, often used in a familial relationship, though she was not sure why.

“你寻求的是脱罪。从你的痛苦中解脱。”花匠说。

“You seek absolution. Freedom from your pain,” said the Gardener.

她踩住一株萎蔫的蕨草，向阿狸示意。

She stepped over a shrinking fern and beckoned to Ahri.

“来。”

“Come.”

她们走过月光照耀下的花园，花儿们始终都面向着这位老妇，似乎她就是太阳，温暖着叶片，助它们成长。又或者，这些花儿是不敢把自己的后背露给她。

As they walked through the moonlit garden, flowers turned to face the old woman as if she were the sun itself, warming their leaves and helping them grow. Or perhaps the flowers did not wish to turn their backs to her.

老妇人向阿狸挥挥手，领她来到一棵木瘤盘结的云果树下，在长椅上与她对面而坐。

The old woman waved Ahri to a bench in front of a gnarled cloudfruit tree, and sat opposite her.

“我猜猜，你爱上了某个人。”花匠说，嘴角的皱纹流露出一抹微笑。

“Let me guess. You were in love,” the Gardener said, a smile crinkling the corners of her lips.

阿狸皱起了眉头。

Ahri’s brow furrowed.

“别担心，你绝不是第一个。”老妇说。“那，他是谁？是士兵？冒险家？还是被放逐的武士？”

“Don’t worry, you’re far from the first,” said the old woman. “So, who was he? A soldier? An adventurer? A warrior in exile?”

“艺术家。”阿狸说。过去的一年多里，她从来没有念出过他名字里的任何一个音节，现在也同样无法说出那个名字。那几个字就像是喉咙里的一把碎玻璃。“他会画……花。”

“An artist,” said Ahri. She had not uttered the syllables of his name in over a year and could not bring herself to say them now. They were like swallowing broken glass. “He painted... flowers.”

“啊。真浪漫，”花匠说。

“Ah. A romantic,” the Gardener said.

“我杀了他，”阿狸狠狠地说。“还觉得浪漫吗？”

“I killed him,” Ahri spat. “Is that romantic enough for you?”

阿狸大声说出了真相，无法掩盖自己语调中的苦涩。

As she spoke the truth aloud, Ahri could not disguise the sharp bitterness on her tongue.

“我透过他的双唇吸干了他的生命，他最后死在了我怀里，”她说。“他的善良和无私任何人都不配拥有。我以为我能压制住自己的冲动。但当我品尝到他的梦境和记忆，那种滋味让我无法自拔。他催我不要停下。我也没有抵抗。结果现在──现在我无法面对自己的所作所为。求求你，伊吉尔娅。能赐予我忘却的礼物吗？能让我忘掉吗？”

“I sucked the life from his lips as he lay dying in my arms,” she said. “He was kinder, more selfless than anyone had a right to be. I thought I could suppress my urges. But the taste of his dreams and memories was too enticing. He urged me on. I did not resist. And now - now I cannot go on knowing what I did. Please, Ighilya. Can you give me the gift of oblivion? Can you make me forget?”

花匠没有回答。她站了起来，摘下一颗熟透的云果，慢慢吞吞、小心翼翼地剥出一张完整的果皮，里面朱红色的果肉分为六瓣，她递给阿狸。

The Gardener did not answer. She stood and picked a ripe cloudfruit from the tree and peeled it slowly, carefully, so the rind remained in one piece. The flesh fell into six vermillion segments, which she offered to Ahri.

“要尝一片吗？”

“Care for a slice?”

阿狸盯着她。

Ahri stared at her.

“别担心，你什么都不会少。和花儿不一样，果实从不索取。这是一株植物身上最慷慨的部分──它竭力生长，变得甘美多汁──令人垂涎。它单纯地只想得到人们的关注。”

“Don’t worry, this one doesn’t want anything from you. Not like the flowers. Fruit never does. Fruit is the most generous part of a plant - it strives to be luscious and juicy - and tempting. It simply wants to attract.”

“任何食物到我嘴里都味同嚼蜡，”阿狸说。“如果我真的只是一头怪物的话，哪里还吃得下东西。”

“Food turns to ash in my mouth,” said Ahri. “How can I feed myself when I am no more than a monster?”

“即使是怪物也需要进食，你知道。”花匠一边轻柔地微笑一边答道。

“Even monsters need to eat, you know,” the Gardener said, smiling gently.

她把一瓣云果肉放进嘴里，嚼了几口，脸上的表情哭笑不得。

She placed one of the cloudfruit segments into her mouth, and chewed before making a face.

“好酸！我在花园里这么多年，从来都吃不惯这个味。”

“Tart! In all my years in the garden, I’ve never gotten used to the tang.”

老妇人吃掉了所有果瓣，阿狸始终都静静地坐在一旁。妇人吃完以后擦干净嘴边的汁液。

The old woman ate the remaining pieces while Ahri sat in silence. When she was finished she wiped the juice from her mouth.

“所以你偷走了一个不该碰的生命，”花匠说。“现在你很煎熬。”

“So you stole a life that was not yours to take,” said the Gardener. “Now you suffer the consequences.”

“我无法忍受。”阿狸说。

“I cannot stand it,” Ahri said.

“活着就是体验痛苦，恐怕这是事实。”花匠说。

“To be alive is to be in pain, I’m afraid,” the Gardener said.

一根结满雪百合花蕾的藤条顺着老妇人的手臂向上攀爬。老妇人没有躲避。

A vine dripping with snow lily buds wound its way around the old woman’s arm. The woman did not flinch.

“只要我记得自己杀了他，就永远无法释怀。”阿狸央求道。

“I can’t go on knowing that I killed him,” Ahri pleaded.

“丢失自我会带来更大后果，伊米娜。”

“There are greater consequences to losing yourself, Iminha.”

花匠握住阿狸的手，轻轻捏了一下。碧海般的双眸在月光下闪烁着，阿狸在里面发现了一些新的情感——似乎是，向往？

The Gardener reached for Ahri’s hand and squeezed it. Her sea-green eyes glinted in the moonlight, and Ahri detected something she had not seen before - longing, perhaps?

“你会彻底崩溃粉碎，”老妇人说。“永远都不可能变回完整的自己。”

“You will be broken,” said the old woman. “You will never again be one.”

“我已经是碎片了，”阿狸答道，“每一秒，我还在不断地撕裂自己。求你了，伊吉尔娅。我必须忘记！”

“I am already in fragments,” Ahri replied, “and every second that passes, I split myself anew. Please, Ighilya. I must do this!”

老妇人叹了口气。

The old woman sighed.

“这座花园不会拒绝主动赠予的礼物，因为它永远都吃不饱。”

“This garden will not refuse a gift freely given, for it always hungers.”

话毕，花匠将那只缠着雪百合花藤的手臂伸向阿狸。一颗颗含苞待放的花蕾像是在对她招手。

With that, the Gardener offered her arm to Ahri, still entwined with the vine of snow lilies. Buds unfurled like outstretched hands.

“朝这朵花呼气吧，脑海中要想着那些你希望丢弃的回忆，”老妇人一边说，一边指了指一朵铃铛形的百合花。“花儿会吃掉那些回忆。当你感觉一切都没有了以后再吸气。”

“Give your breath to this flower as you think on the memories you wish to be rid of,” the old woman said, gesturing to the bell shaped lily. “The flower will consume them. Do not inhale again until you feel nothing.”

阿狸用手指轻柔地扶住花瓣。花匠点了点头。阿狸深吸一口气，然后向那朵花缓缓呼出。

Ahri held the flower gently between her fingers. The Gardener nodded. Ahri took a deep breath and exhaled into the flower.

……阿狸紧挨着一名黑发男子站在湖边。他们一起跳进水里，在碧波涟漪间嬉闹。

...Ahri stood next to a raven-haired man at the edge of a lake. Together they leapt into the water and screamed as they frolicked over endless waves.

阿狸的痛苦像一片乌云，随着这个画面一齐消散。

Ahri’s suffering dissolved like a cloud along with the image in her mind.

……在一片寂静的冬日森林中，阿狸看着一名黑发男子正在画一朵鲜花。“难道我不是你的花吗？”她一边问一边宽衣解带。他提起画笔，在她赤裸的后背上涂抹颜料。笔刷的触感又痛又痒，他将那朵花画在了她的肩胛之间。“你是，你是。”他反复说，一字一句地在她肩膀上印下亲吻。

...in a forest silenced by winter, Ahri watched a raven-haired man painting a single blossom. “Am I not your flower?” she asked, pulling the strap down from her dress. He lifted his brush and smeared paint over her bare back. The bristles tingled as he recreated the flower atop her spine. “You are, you are,” he repeated, kissing her shoulder with each word.

阿狸知道自己理应害怕之后的故事，但她的心越来越冷酷麻木。

Ahri knew she should dread what would happen next, but her heart was growing cold and numb.

……她站在湖心，抱着曾经深爱的人，眼下已经是一具毫无生息的躯体。他慢慢浸入水中，在波浪的折射中变了形状。

...she stood at the center of a lake, holding the lifeless body of the man she once loved. He dipped beneath the water, becoming contorted through its glassy refraction.

曾经，这个景象会让她心如刀绞，但现在阿狸只能感到钝挫的隐痛。

Once, this vision would have caused stabbing pain, but Ahri felt no more than a dull ache.

……阿狸在一处浅岩洞里，朝一名躺倒的樵夫俯下身子，汲取着他的生命。阿狸听到雪地中的脚步声，心中一惊。黑发男子站在那里，看着她。阿狸绝望了，她不想让他看到这样的自己。

...Ahri leaned over a fallen woodcutter in a stone cavern, consuming his life. At the sound of boots crunching on snow, she startled. The raven-haired man stood, watching. Ahri despaired; she had not wanted him to see this.

“我配不上你，”阿狸说。“你看看我，居然贪恋一个将死之人的灵魂。离开我吧。我不是好人。我没办法变好。”

“I can't be good enough for you,” Ahri said. “Look at me, greedy for the soul of a dying man. Please, leave me. I am not good. I cannot be good.”

她黑发的挚爱回答说：“我不在乎。”这是阿狸记忆中第一次有人爱上她的全部，包容她的本性。他的声音温暖而又深沉，饱含着情感。“我是你的。”

Her raven-haired love responded. “I don't care.” This was the first time Ahri remembered someone loving her wholly, in spite of her nature. His voice was warm and deep with emotion. “I am yours.”

这段记忆突然卡在阿狸的喉咙中间，她屏住气息，打断了花儿的咒语。

The memory caught in Ahri’s throat and she stopped breathing, breaking the flower’s spell.

不，她心想。我不能失去这一段。

No, she thought. I can’t lose this.

阿狸想要吸气，但是脖子好像被看不见的绳索死死套住。她的喉管被紧紧扼住，无法呼吸，感觉就像是灌进了毒气。她的视线开始昏暗，但还在拼命地呼吸，直到她感觉肺都快炸开了。

Ahri tried to inhale, but the air felt like a noose around her neck. It choked her and stifled her throat, as if she were breathing poison. Her vision blackened, but she gasped until her lungs were nearly bursting.

丢掉了这段记忆就等于再次将他杀害。

Losing this would kill him all over again.

阿狸双膝瘫软，摔倒在地，手中依然握着那朵雪百合。古怪的香味顺着她的鼻子融进了她的脑海，搅起诡异而又令人不适的景象。

Ahri’s knees gave out and she collapsed on the ground, still gripping the snow lily. The unnatural perfume she inhaled from the flower percolated through her mind, conjuring strange and disturbing visions.

阿狸眼前出现了幻觉。在一片寂静的冬日森林中，她看到自己的九条尾巴被一条一条地撕扯下来，然后长出新的，循环往复。

Ahri hallucinated. In a snow-silenced forest, she envisioned each of her nine tails ripped from her spine, only to grow back so they could be torn off again.

在一座浅岩洞里，她看到墙上画着数十幅自己的画像，颜色漆黑，笔触粗糙。每一幅画里，她的脸都漠然冷峻。

In a stone cavern, she saw dozens of portraits of herself painted in inky black brushstrokes. In each of the images, her face was blank and cold.

她漂浮着，荡漾着，躺在湖中间，低头看去，发现整座湖泊没有水，全是血。

She floated, weightless, at the center of a lake, and looked down to see that the lake was filled, not with water, but blood.

你在哪？

Where are you?

在她的心灵之眼中，她看到一张模糊的面孔，被千回百折的记忆包裹着，她已经开始忘却这张面孔。这模糊的印象更像是一幅画，而不是他本人。他看着她，目光深入骨髓，但她抓不住他的眼神。

In her mind’s eye, she saw a face warped by the endless folds of her memory, one she was already forgetting. The face was blurred, like a painting of a man rather than the man himself. He looked at her, stared into her, but she could not meet his gaze.

Ahri opened her eyes. The Gardener was standing above her, holding the vine of snow lilies, which had turned raven-black.

阿狸睁开了双眼。花匠站在旁边俯视着她，手里握着雪百合花藤，所有的花瓣都成了黑发的颜色。

“你还能看到他吗？”老妇人问。

“Can you still see him?” asked the old woman.

阿狸用力盯紧脑海中的迷雾，渐渐化成了一张脸。他的脸。

Ahri focused on the hazy shapes in her mind and focused until they materialized into a face. His face.

“嗯。有点模糊，但我……记得。”阿狸说。她将这张脸牢牢印刻在脑海中，努力记住每个细节。她不会让这个记忆消散。

“Yes. It’s cloudy, but... I remember,” said Ahri. She fixed the image of his face in her mind, memorizing every detail. She would not let it dissolve.

老妇人的眼光闪烁──不是向往，而是懊悔。

The old woman’s eyes flashed - not with longing, but regret.

“那么你做到了其他人无能为力的事情。你没有屈服于平静。”花匠说。

“Then you did what many had not the strength to do. You did not succumb to peace,” said the Gardener.

“我做不到，”阿狸哽咽着说。“我无法放弃他。即便我是怪物。即便每一天都要心碎，每一天都要经历千百次的痛苦。但是忘却他的感觉更糟，糟透了。”

“I couldn’t,” said Ahri, choking over her words. “I couldn’t give him up. Even if I am a monster. Even if each day I fall apart and each day I must bear the pain a hundred times over. Oblivion is worse, much worse.”

忘却就是一千张模糊的脸，空洞的眼神凝视着她。

Oblivion was a thousand blurry faces staring at her with empty eyes.

“覆水难收，伊米娜，”花匠说。“花儿不会返还你自愿赠予的礼物。但你仍可以保留剩下的部分。走吧，走吧。离开这里，趁它还没有将你握紧。”她轻声说。藤条在花匠的肩头卷曲盘旋，露出了碧绿如海的百合花。“不要重蹈其他人的覆辙。”

“You cannot take back what you gave, Iminha,” the Gardener said. “The flowers do not relinquish what was freely given. But you may keep what remains. Go, go. Leave this place before it takes hold,” she whispered. Vines coiled around the Gardener’s shoulders, revealing lilies of a deep sea-green. “As it’s done to so many others.”

阿狸想要站起来，但一根雪百合花藤缠住了她的尾巴。她撬开毛皮上的倒刺，挣脱了越收越紧的藤条，爬起来飞奔。错节盘根从土壤中迸出，她灵巧地躲开了根须的缠绕。一张月玫瑰织成的荆棘藤网突然拦住阿狸的去路，但她屏住呼吸从下面钻了过去，翻滚中刮下了一缕长发。

Ahri tried to stand, but a vine of snow lilies had wound its way around her tails. She struggled against their tightening clutches, prying barbs from her fur, then scrambled to her feet and ran. Knotted roots broke loose from the soil, trying to ensnare her as she leapt between them. A tangled curtain of thorned moon roses swerved to block Ahri’s path, but she held her breath and dove beneath the flowers, which caught wisps of her hair as she tumbled.

花园的小径上开满了各种颜色的雪百合花。它们的叶片像刀刃一样锋利，切向阿狸的肌肤，粗壮的花茎围住她的头颈口鼻，捂住了她的嘴。阿狸用力咬了下去，扯断了藤条，也尝到了血液的酸味。她挤出拱门，来到了外面的石洞。

The path from the garden was overgrown with snow lilies of all colors. Their leaves, sharp as knives, slashed at Ahri’s skin, while thick stalks coiled around her face and neck, binding her mouth. Ahri bit down and ripped through the fibers with her teeth, tasting sour blood. She tore through the archway to the stone caverns beyond.

她隐约听见了花匠的声音。

She could just make out the Gardener’s voice.

“你的一部分将永远留在这里，”老妇人喊道。“和我们不一样，花园不会忘记。”

“A piece of you lingers here, always,” the old woman called. “Unlike us, the garden does not forget.”

阿狸没有回头。

Ahri did not turn back.