恕瑞玛的破烂 Shuriman Trash

作者：Amanda Jeffrey

那天我正走在纳施拉美书库区旁边的这个小广场上——铺满尘土，地面的石板比任何帝国都更古老，而且通常很安静。我刚刚从大市场里砍价回来，从那帮笨蛋人类商人手里谈下来好几笔，感觉不错。我就说“你这个茶壶要卖多少钱？”然后“真正的飞升时代的钉锤是不可能刻有那种纹饰的！”

So I was walking through this little plaza off the library district in Nashramae—super dusty, flagstones older than empires, and usually pretty quiet. Having just out-negotiated those dumb human merchants in the Grand Marketplace, I was feeling good. I’d been all “You want how much for that teapot?!” and “There’s no way that’s an authentic Ascended-age mace with that iconography!”

但跟凡人轱辘了一天，我已经受够了。如果在让我听到“予你水和阴凉”的愉快问候，我可就要过热了。

But a whole day around mortals was enough for me. If I had to hear another cheery “Water and shade to you!” greeting, I was gonna get heated.

总之，我眼看就要拖着满满一车宝贝回到我的小棚，心里美美地想着回到我的垃圾场以后的事，结果突然噗通！一下，我躺到了地上。

Anyway, I’d almost gotten my cart full of treasure to my stall, thinking how great it’d be to get back in my junkyard, when whammo! I was flat on my backside.

一次心跳之间，我一跃而起，发现自己又被凡人围住了。不过这些都是年轻的人类，一大把小孩子，其中一个骨瘦如柴的小子撞上了我和我的拖车，其他孩子都在嘲笑他。他费力地爬起来，扶起一个我见过的最奇怪的机械装置——带轮子的板子。他没有笑，而是不停地道歉。

I jumped back on my feet in a heartbeat, surrounded by mortals again. But these were younger humans, a bunch of ’em, and most of ’em were laughing at the scrawny kid who’d slammed into me and my cart. He was trying to pick himself up off the ground and onto the sorriest excuse for a mech I’d ever seen—a board with wheels—and he wasn’t laughing. Just kept apologizing.

“对不起，欧卜占！”

“Sorry, Obujan!”

我说，“我看起来像你爷爷吗？”这个孩子既没有我迷人的微笑，也没有我剃刀般锋利的颧骨，耳朵也一点都不毛茸茸，所以很难说像是一对爷孙。

I said, “Do I look like your grandfather?” This kid didn’t have my winning smile, or my razor-sharp cheekbones, and his ears weren’t even furry, so there was barely any family resemblance.

总之，这群孩子里有个小头头：一个模样很凶的小子，穿着一件十分宽大的诺克萨斯款式的大衣，还有一双铁头皮靴。他说，“往哪溜呢，你个穿山甲虫？”

Anyway, the laughing kids had a ringleader: a nasty-looking boy wearing an oversized Noxian-style tunic and iron-capped boots. He said, “Where d’you think you’re rolling, armadillo-bug?”

我的羽毛立刻就竖起来了，然后我猜意识到，他是在对那个小瘦子说话。但无论对谁，这话说的也都太恶毒了。

My hackles went up until I realized he was talking to the scrawny kid. But still, that’s a pretty mean thing to say!

这个小头头并没有就此罢休。他还满嘴，“你就是个恕瑞玛垃圾，阿纳克图。你又丑又笨，连路都不会走。”他指了指我被撞坏的小拖车。“我们的帝国不需要没用的废物。我们应该把你和其他废物都扔到这个小老头的垃圾堆里。”

This ringleader didn’t stop there. He was all, “You’re Shuriman trash, Anaktu. You’re ugly and you can’t even walk.” He pointed at my broken cart. “The empire doesn’t need useless things. We should throw you with the rest of the garbage on this old man’s pile of junk.”

这下可真的惹红我了。我感觉耳朵眼在喷热气。于是我走到那个高个子小恶霸的面前——好吧，其实是走到他膝盖前，然后我说，“哎，小孩。你最好给我道歉。”

Now I was seeing red. Steam right outta my ears. So I got up in the big bully’s face—well, up in his knees—and I said, “Hey, kid. You better apologize.”

他摆出一张臭脸，满是不屑。“你知道你在跟谁说话么，老头。我是克苏·兰斯。我爸是兰西总督！你给我走开，不然我们就把这片空地上的垃圾全都清理掉。”

He scoffed with his stupid face, “You don’t know who you’re dealing with, old man. I’m Kesu Rance. Son of Governor Rance! Walk away, or we’ll clear this plaza of all its trash!”

当然，我走开了。

Of course, I walked.

我刚刚提到过我的小棚来着吧？破破烂烂、毫不起眼、装满了许多小物件，人类根本不懂它们的价值。但这只是假象，是表面的伪装。因为只要我把东西一丝不差地摆好，回家的传送门就会立刻出现。

I mentioned my stall, right? Shuttered, overlooked, and full of bric-a-brac that’s way too good to ever sell to humans. It’s a cover—a front—for where the portal back home appears once I set things up juuuuust right.

所以我走开可不是要躲这个小恶霸。我是在走向我的小棚。很显然，不是逃跑——而是走向一台巨大的、盖着防水布的钢铁机器。

So I wasn’t walking away from this bully. I was walking to my stall. Not to escape, obviously—I was walking to an especially large, tarpaulin-covered, metallic form…

与此同时，克苏正在忙着对手下那帮小混混长篇大论，说他是恕瑞玛的光明未来什么的。所以当他再次注意到我的时候，是因为我的影子遮住了他。而我之所以能遮住太阳，是因为我正坐在巨大双足机甲上，我最可爱的崔丝蒂。

Meanwhile, Kesu was so busy monologuing to his club-wielding amateur thugs about being the strong future of Shurima that he didn’t even notice me until I was blocking out the sun from the cockpit of the sweetest of bipedal mechs, my beloved Tristy.

“予你火和阴凉，克苏。”

“Walker and shade to you, Kesu.”

噢，他那张脸！就跟被我的鱼叉射中了一样！

Oh, his face! Kid looked like I’d harpooned him!

当然，我还没发射鱼叉呢。那是后来的事。

I hadn’t, of course. That comes later.

喏，我讲故事可不偏心，所以我得承认，这个时候的崔丝蒂可能稍微存在一点故障。基本上注意不到，但为了讲述的完整性和趣味性，我得告诉你，当时出了一点……状况，气氛一时令人尴尬。

Now, I’m an unbiased storyteller, so I’ll mention Tristy might have had an ever-so-slight malfunction around this point. Barely worth noting, really, but in the interest of tellin’ you everything, there was… a hiccup. A hesitation. A stoppage.

崔丝蒂和我，我俩就是可怕的代名词，但刚刚的故障给某几个孩子壮了胆，有个孩子居然拿棒子打我的机甲的腿！“你就是个老傻头，守着一堆臭破烂。你就一个人，我们可是一大帮。”她一边说，一边挥起手指了指身后十多个握着武器、满脸戾气的小毛孩。

Tristy and me were the definition of intimidating, but that hitch was making some of those older kids bold, and one of them bashed my mech’s leg with a club! “You’re just a dumb old man with a dirty pile of junk. There’s only one of you against all of us,” she said, swinging her hand to indicate about a dozen armed, angry-looking snots.

当然还有那个最不该出现的——依然踩在最糟糕机械装置上的小瘦子，阿纳克图。

And then who should roll up—still piloting the worst mech ever—but the scrawny kid, Anaktu.

就在我对崔丝蒂的瞄准系统进行敲击式维护的同时，我注意到他从我的拖车里抓起了那个“百分百真品”的飞升时代钉头锤。这件事过后我一定要跟我这个“孙子”谈谈私人财物方面的问题。

While I applied percussive maintenance to Tristy’s precision mechanisms, I noticed he’d grabbed the “one hundred percent authentic” Ascended-age mace from my cart. I’d have to have a chat about personal property with my “grandson” later.

总之，阿纳克图大喊道，“他不是一个人！”

Anyway, Anaktu yelled, “He’s not alone!”

但克苏却放声大笑，还想去踢他！那个小瘦子踩着滚轮板扭过身子，用钉锤扫向克苏的另一条腿，然后哗啦！一下，那个小恶霸重重摔倒。

But Kesu just laughed and tried to kick him! The little guy pivoted on his rolling board and swept the mace under Kesu’s other leg, and whack! The bully went down hard.

阿纳克图大叫一声，然后开始迎战其他孩子。他们也吃了一惊，因为几秒钟的工夫，他就已经把两个大个子逼到了墙角。可惜他没看到克苏从后面扑上来，手里还拿着我的拖车拉杆，眼看就要给他一闷棍。

With a shout, Anaktu took the fight to the rest of ’em. Surprised ’em, too, because within seconds, he’d gotten two big ones backed into a corner. Too bad he didn’t see Kesu coming at him from behind with the torn-off handle of my cart, ready to clonk him.

但阿纳克图也不是一个人。

But Anaktu wasn’t alone either.

崔丝蒂再次活了起来，然后邦！我急速飞过广场。我和崔丝蒂滑铲着停下来，腾起好多灰尘，然后我扣下扳机。

Tristy sprang back to life, and bam! I was zooming across the plaza. We skidded to a stop, kicking up dust, and I pulled the trigger.

滋啦！

Zap!

还记得我之前说的鱼叉吗？是的，我用电击鱼叉射中了抡到一半的拖车拉杆。我很想看看某个特别的约德尔人是否也能表演出如此极限的射击技巧！

Remember that harpoon I mentioned? Yeah, I electro-harpooned that cart handle mid-swing. I’d like to see a certain other yordle pull off a demonstration of extreme marksmanship like that!

克苏？他跌到了尘土中。阿纳克图听到了声音转过身。对我露出灿烂的微笑。

And Kesu? He toppled into the dust. Anaktu heard the commotion and spun around. Gave me a big smile.

“欧卜占！”

“Obujan!”

“好吧，好吧，上来吧，”我从崔丝蒂的驾驶座向他伸出一只手。“楼上风景更好。”

“Yeah, yeah, get up here,” I said, giving him a hand up to Tristy’s cockpit. “The view’s better.”

他好像是说了一句“恭敬不如从命！”，在这种场合下说出来还挺有气势的。

He said something like, “You don’t have to tell me twice!” which is a pretty cool thing to say under the circumstances.

然后崔丝蒂就发出噗呦噗呦和滋啦滋啦滋啦，然后我让阿纳克图开启了吐火器，但只是为了吓唬一下大孩子。总之，崔丝蒂和我非常厉害，我估计阿纳克图在凡人里也还算不错，没多久那群恶霸就开始逃窜。

And then Tristy went pew pew and zap zap zap, and I let Anaktu activate the flamespitter, but only to scare the bigger kids. Anyway, Tristy and me were awesome and I guess Anaktu wasn’t bad for a mortal, and soon the bullies were running away.

我笑着对阿纳克图说，“可能会有点颠簸。”然后随着一阵剧烈的颤抖，天上飞满了火箭。

Grinning, I said to Anaktu, “This is gonna be bumpy.” Then everything shook and the air was full of rockets.

那群恶霸逃到了广场边缘的拱门处，这时轰隆轰隆轰隆火箭落到了地面上，放出火焰和电浆，挡住了他们的退路。

The bullies got as far as the archway over the plaza’s exit when boomboomboom the rockets slammed into the ground, flaming and zapping anything nearby, barring their escape.

于是他们就被困在原地，一边是恒温灼烧的火墙，另一边是符文之地最强的机械化驾驶员。我刚要命令他道歉，这时阿纳克图爬了下去，溜到克苏面前，质问他，“你为什么要这么坏？”

So there they were, stuck between the Equalizer’s wall of fire and Runeterra’s finest mechanized pilot. I was about to demand that apology, when Anaktu climbed down, rolled up to Kesu, and asked, “Why are you so mean?”

克苏哭丧着说起他家里新来的诺克萨斯爸爸，他如何想得到他的表扬。真的挺无聊的。

Kesu whined something about his new Noxian dad, how he wanted to impress him. It was pretty boring, really.

火箭弹渐渐熄灭，其他小恶霸全都跑了，扔下了克苏。他也开始后退。

The rockets sputtered and died, and the other bully kids fled, leaving Kesu behind. He started to back away, too.

“别动！”我大喊道，瞄好了鱼叉。“我要的道歉呢？”

“Hold it!” I yelled, harpoon at the ready. “What about my apology?”

我摘下罩帽，他终于发现我可不是一般的老头，他的目光在乞求。他附身趴到尘土中，对我说，“约德尔大人，我不该威胁你——”

As I pulled back my hood, he finally figured out I wasn’t just some old man, because his eyes were buggin’. He bowed down in the dust, saying, “Master Yordle, I’m sorry I threatened you—”

但我打断了他，“你觉得我在乎你的威胁吗？哈！再想想。”

But I stopped him. “You think I care about threats? Ha! Try again.”

他说，“我不该打架——”我再次插嘴。

He said, “I’m sorry for fighting—” but I cut him off there, too.

“不对。我还没打够呢，如果你再找不到需要道歉的正确原因，那就打下半场。”

“Nope. I’m ready for round two if you don’t apologize for the right reason.”

“我不应该凶阿纳克图——”

“I shouldn’t have been so mean to Anaktu—”

“你侮辱了破烂！”我大喊道。“破烂可不是垃圾。破烂充满了潜力！蠢人看不到它的价值，但只要用想象、勤奋和爱，破烂就会变成最好的机甲！……或者别的东西。”

“You disrespected junk!” I shouted. “Junk is not garbage. It’s pure potential! Dumb people don’t see its worth, but with imagination and hard work and love, junk can be turned into the finest mech a yordle could dream of! And other stuff.”

克苏显然是被我的逻辑震撼到了，因为他哑口无言。最后他终于开口说，“呃……对不起……？”

Kesu was obviously awestruck at my logic, because he was speechless. When he found words, he said, “Uh… I’m sorry…?”

“谢谢你！”

“Thank you!”

于是我终于替破烂讨回了道歉。

So I finally got the apology that junk deserved.

阿纳克图扶起尘土中的克苏。他们碰了碰胳膊，大概还流了眼泪，但我已经受够了凡人，于是崔丝蒂和我转身回家。

Anaktu helped Kesu out of the dirt. They clasped arms and there were tears or something, but I’d had enough of mortals, so Tristy and I turned to head home.

“欧卜占，你的钉锤！还给你。”阿纳克图溜过来把它交给我。

“Obujan, your mace! You must want it back.” Anaktu rolled over to hand it to me.

真没想到，这是一个尊重破烂的凡人。

Wouldn’t you know, a mortal who respects junk.

“留着吧，”我对他说。毕竟，孙子辈就是用来宠的嘛。

“Keep it,” I said. I mean, if you can’t spoil your grandkids, what’s the point?