失而复得 In Search of Things Lost

作者：John O'Bryan

莎蒂娅刚死了几个星期，阿克尚便已开始感到所有关于她的痕迹都在消逝。这是他在悲伤之中最难以面对的——囤积回忆的努力，徒劳地想要留下他敬爱的老师所残存的一切。

Shadya had only been dead a few weeks, and already Akshan could feel all traces of her slipping away. That was the hardest facet of his grief—the hoarding of mementos, the scrambling to scrape together whatever remained of his beloved mentor.

他从口袋里摸出一幅炭笔的素描。笔触粗陋，大约能看出是她的模样，但没有任何细节。不过他只要闭上眼睛尝试回忆，总能填满那些笔力无法触及的空白。可是逐渐地，他的记忆开始频繁地辜负他。

He pulled the old charcoal sketch from his pocket and studied it. The crude drawing was a poor likeness of her face, lacking in all fine detail. Still, he found if he closed his eyes and tried to remember, he could usually fill in the blanks. But more and more, his memory was failing him.

莎蒂娅，你为什么要离开我？ 他不禁疑惑。也许是他自己内心深处希望，那些他未能达到的哨兵标准会慢慢消散，不再来打扰他。又或许，他只是需要一些东西来刺激回忆。

Shadya, why do you leave me? he wondered. Was it his own doing, something deep inside trying to protect him by eroding all traces of a standard he was failing to meet? Or perhaps he just needed something to jar his memory.

他把素描塞回口袋，走进了玛未城中心的露天市场，想要寻找一些能让他想起老师的东西。走过几个街区后，他撞见了令他惊讶的一幕：两排灰泥房屋夹着的一条小巷里，一个流浪儿正在把一条珍珠母手链系在自己满是泥垢的胳膊上——那条手链他很眼熟。

He stuffed the drawing back into his pocket as he walked into the open-air markets of central Marwi, searching for anything to remind him of his mentor. After a few blocks, he stumbled upon a jarring sight: In an alley between two stucco buildings, a young waif was fastening a familiar mother-of-pearl bracelet to her grime-smeared arm.

阿克尚风一般疾奔到小女孩面前，一路披风噼啪作响。“你从哪儿弄来的？”他厉声问，语气全然没了平日的淡定。

Quick as the wind, Akshan dashed right up to the urchin’s face, cape snapping in his wake. “Where did you get that?” he barked, his tone uncharacteristically brusque.

“我捡来的。”小女孩一边说，一边紧紧护着手链。“你有什么毛病吗？”

“I found it,” said the waif, smothering the bracelet with her arms. “What’s your problem?”

“我有什么毛病？这件东西本来属于一个对我很重要的人。”阿克尚说。“而且是她最喜欢的东西。”

“My problem is this: That piece of jewelry belonged to someone I cared for very much,” said Akshan. “It was her favorite.”

小女孩愣愣地看着他，圆睁的眼睛里满是恐惧。阿克尚这才意识到自己正死死地攥住了她的领子。他放开手，挤出一个别扭的笑容。

The girl stared up at him, eyes wide with fear. Akshan realized his fist had tightened around her collar. He released his grip and attempted a wry smile.

“不如……”他说，“你跟我说说这东西是怎么到手的？”

“So...” he said, “why don’t you tell me how you’ve come to possess it?”

“是——是别人不要的，我才拿的。”

“I—I took it from someone who won’t miss it.”

小女孩在街上混了有些年头，满脸不忿。这种表情阿克尚很熟悉。还有一件事他也很清楚，前面那片街区有个名声很臭的黑市珠宝商人，阿克尚知道他会给这条手链开出什么价钱——前提是小女孩没碰上阿克尚

The urchin’s face welled with spite from years of hardship. Akshan knew it well. He also knew of an infamous black-market jeweler on the next block, and what the man might pay the girl for the bracelet—if she hadn’t crossed paths with Akshan.

“那你最好把那人的名字告诉我。”

“Then you’d better tell me the name of this person.”

“我不能说。你不知道他有多厉害。”

“I can’t. You don’t know what he’d do.”

阿克尚轻缓地从小女孩手腕上取下了手链。当他看到自己从手链扣子里扯出的东西时，心跳不禁停了一拍：一缕细长的银发。

Akshan gently coaxed the bracelet from the waif’s grip and felt his heart skip as he pulled something from its clasp: a single strand of long silver hair.

莎蒂娅的头发吗？她是银发……没错吧？

Shadya’s hair? It was silver... right?

阿克尚的脑海里闪过她的样子，只是局部，比之前更不完整了。

Akshan’s mind flashed with a partial picture of her, now even less complete than before.

“小朋友，”阿克尚对女孩说，“我的朋友莎蒂娅已经死了。这条手链是她仅剩的几件遗物之一，和另外四样是一套的。”

“Young friend,” said Akshan to the girl, “my Shadya is gone. This bracelet is one of the few remaining pieces of her. It was part of a set with four others.”

小女孩目光闪躲，似乎生怕这个男人从她的眼神里读出什么不该透露的信息。

The waif averted her eyes as if her interrogator might glean some forbidden information from them.

阿克尚吐出一口气，柔声说道：“不管你是从谁那里拿的，其余几样也肯定在那人手里。你必须告诉我，那人渣的名字。”

Akshan exhaled, his voice softening. “Whoever you took this from... is sure to have the others. You must tell me who this scoundrel is.”

女孩吞吞吐吐，眼珠滚了半天，终于放松下来。“他们管他叫‘沙魔’。他住在北边那片小山，一座大房子里头。”

The girl stammered, her eyes shifting until she relented. “They call him the Devil of the Dunes, sir. He lives in the large palace in the foothills north of here.”

阿克尚眉头皱了起来。“你是从一个军阀手里偷来的？”

Akshan’s brow furrowed. “You stole this from a warlord?”

“我帮他打扫了马厩，”女孩说。“他欠我工钱。”

“I cleaned his stables,” said the girl. “He owed me.”

“倒是合情合理。”阿克尚说。“但这条手链根本就不是他的，不能算作工钱。看来我得亲自去见见这位‘沙魔’了。”

“I cannot begrudge you that,” said Akshan. “But this bracelet was not his for you to steal. It seems I must pay this Dune Devil a visit.”

“别，”女孩说。“先生，他会杀人。”

“Don’t,” said the girl. “He is a killer, sir.”

“这我早知道啦。”

“This, I already know.”

话音未落，他便朝着头顶的屋檐射出钩爪，一眨眼就没了踪影。

With that, he fired his grappling hook into the eaves of buildings above and launched himself out of sight.

深夜，最黑暗的时刻，一群全副武装的守卫在军阀的宅邸周围巡视。可是没有人注意到，阴影中有个挂着披风的身影，正朝着主卧室的镶银大门飞速窜去。

In the darkest hour of night, a host of heavily armed guards kept watch over the warlord’s palace. None of them noticed the caped figure darting through the shadows toward the silver-inlaid doors of the main bedroom.

卧室里，一个身形魁梧、疤痕累累的恶霸正四仰八叉地躺在一张鹅绒大床上。三只来自异国的宠物鼠，浑身油亮的白毛根根直竖，一看到阿克尚从阴影中现身便立刻从床上惊慌地蹦下来溜掉了。

Inside, a large, battle-scarred ruffian lay sprawled across the entire width of his enormous goose-down bed. Three exotic pet rodents with long, flowing white hair perked up and scampered off the bed as Akshan emerged from the shadows.

阿克尚的手紧扣住军阀的嘴。那人猛然惊醒，双眼大睁，发出一声含混的闷吼。

His hand clamped down across the mouth of the sleeping warlord. The man’s eyes shot wide with rage as he uttered a muffled scream.

“晚上好，这位混蛋。”阿克尚用枪抵住了恶霸的下巴。“不好意思这么晚还把你弄醒，应该说，呃……也没有特别不好意思。”

“Good evening, scoundrel,” said Akshan, pressing his gun to the ruffian’s chin. “Sorry to call on you at such an hour, but, uh... only a little sorry.”

军阀被开恩者的枪口指着，瑟缩了一下。

The warlord squirmed under the tip of the Absolver.

“行啦，行啦，”阿克尚说。“你平静一下。我现在会把手拿开，而我希望等会儿听到的声音只有你的忏悔，清楚了？”

“Now, now,” said Akshan. “Collect yourself. I’m going to remove my hand, and all I want to hear from your mouth is a confession. Ready?”

军阀眼中的怒火变成了警惕与困惑。阿克尚慢慢地挪开了手。

The rage in the warlord’s eyes turned to a cautious curiosity. Slowly, Akshan removed his hand.

“忏悔？”军阀茫然地问。

“Confession?” asked the bemused warlord.

“莎蒂娅。哨兵。老太太。很讲规矩，特别喜欢珍珠……”阿克尚说。

“Shadya. The sentinel. Elderly woman, stickler for rules, fond of pearl jewelry...” said Akshan.

“我不知道你在说什么。”

“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”

“她是我见过的最大的好人。最起码是在贱民里头，所以你要告诉我你为什么杀她。”

“She was the kindest person I have ever known. At least be a good lowlife and tell me why you killed her.”

“我没杀她！”军阀的语气里透露出一丝恼怒。

“I didn’t kill her!” said the warlord, a tinge of frustration in his voice.

“那这东西你是怎么从她那儿抢来的？”阿克尚把手链拍在军阀脸上。“她死那天就戴着这个。我在你的箱子里找到了四件珠宝，恰好能跟这条手链凑成一套。”阿克尚啧啧叹气，把五件珠宝一起亮了出来。

“Then how else could you have taken this from her?” asked Akshan, thrusting the bracelet into the warlord’s face. “She was wearing it the day she died. I found four others just like it in your jewelry case.” Tutting in disapproval, Akshan presented all five matching bracelets to the warlord.

“我知道你是谁了。”军阀怒道。“我听说了你的来历，还有你干的事情。你觉得杀了我就能让她活过来。”

“I know who you are,” scowled the warlord. “I’ve heard all about you and what you do. You think you can kill me and bring her back.”

“不。我觉得，那件事的时效已经过了。”

“No. I believe the time for that has passed.”

“那你想干什么？”

“Then what d’you want?”

阿克尚没说话，心里想着那根银发，那些手链，还有那个他已经记不清长相的女人。杀害她的凶手就是眼前这人吗？答案真的还重要吗？不过很明显，这人要是死了肯定是件好事。

Akshan paused, thinking of the silver hair, the bracelets, and the woman whose face he could no longer recall. Was the man before him the one who had slain her? Did it even matter? Surely, the world would be a better place without him.

终于，他回答了军阀的问题。

At last, he answered the warlord’s question.

“世界和平，行吗？”

“Peace?”

阿克尚手指一扣，开恩者随即开火。圣石激出无数光束洞穿了军阀的身体，照得卧室一片通明。

With a squeeze of the grip, Akshan fired the Absolver, illuminating the bedroom as countless bolts of relic-stone light pierced the warlord’s body.

守卫一拥而入，却不及阿克尚身手迅捷——他早已从窗户翻了出去，溶入了深夜大漠的凉风中。

Guards poured into the room, though not quickly enough to catch the fleeing Akshan, who disappeared through a window into the cool desert night.

太阳爬上山头的时候，阿克尚已经长途跋涉回到了城里，心中满腔苦恼。

As the sun rose over the mountains, Akshan trudged back to the city, his mind bedeviled.

他仔细端详着刚刚拿回来的五件珍珠首饰，恍惚间觉得莎蒂娅已经回来了。可他的记忆还在不断地流失，她的脸庞只剩下一个模棱两可的剪影。

He studied the five pearl bracelets he'd recently recovered. He had thought they might somehow bring Shadya back, if only in his mind’s eye. But her memory continued to fade, and now only a vague silhouette of her face remained.

有一件事他倒是很确定：莎蒂娅肯定不会同意他杀了“沙魔”——至少不能单纯是为了报仇。可他心底明白，他这么做不是为了莎蒂娅，而是为了他自己。即便如此，他也没有感觉到心里平静下来

Akshan knew one thing for certain: She would not have approved of him killing the Devil of the Dunes—not out of pure vengeance. But deep down, he knew he hadn’t done it for her. He’d done it for himself, and it had not brought him peace.

他把一条手链放在指间盘弄，寻求安慰，却注意到手链内侧有一道小小的铭文。是一段古老的哨兵箴言，他听过很多次，但从来没有真正理解过：“献出一切，便有一切。”

He turned one of the bracelets in his fingers, searching for solace, and noticed a tiny inscription etched inside the band. An old sentinel mantra that he’d heard often, but never really understood: “Give all, and all may live.”

这段话在阿克尚的脑中如同号角般轰鸣，让他豁然开朗。

The words rang in Akshan’s head like a war trumpet as a revelation shook him.

他朝着头顶屋檐射出钩爪，升上半空，随后在一处处房屋间腾跃，最后来到了一天前遇到小女孩的地方。她还呆在那条小巷里，还在熟睡。

He fired his grappling hook into the eaves above and launched himself from building to building until he arrived at the place where he’d met the waif the day before. There she lay, sleeping in the same alley.

他手里攥着几串手链，跪在女孩身边。“这些，还是你拿着吧。她肯定会这么干的。”

He knelt over the girl, bracelets in hand. “You should have these. It is what she would’ve wanted.”

小女孩半梦半醒，双眼惺忪，不解地看着阿克尚把手链塞进她的一堆破烂儿里。

Confused and half-asleep, the waif’s eyes blinked as Akshan placed the bracelets in her meager pile of belongings.

“不过，唔……记得去找香料市场的珠宝贩子，他开的价钱更好。”

“But, uh... sell them to the jeweler in the spice district,” he said. “He will give you a better price.”

阿克尚离开的时候，他能感到小女孩一直震惊地望着他的背影。一股美好又忧伤的情绪席卷过他的全身。虽然他告别了老师最后的遗物，可他心底却升起了一阵暖意。此刻在他脑海中，莎蒂娅的脸庞清晰可见，如同万里蓝天。

Akshan could feel the stunned gaze of the girl watching him as he walked away, and a bittersweet comfort washed over him. Though he had parted with the last physical remnants of his mentor, he felt a bright warmth within. And in his mind’s eye, clear as day, was Shadya’s face.