博物馆长的开局 The Curator's Gambit

作者： Matt Dunn

首先，我必须说清楚——我可不想惹上什么“恐怖领主”，或者是任何詹努克所说的东西。我只是想要把这个破烂小瓶卖给那个人，而且是他先请我帮他寻找的。本来很简单的事。

Look, I should be clear—I didn’t want anything to do with “the dread lord,” or whoever Januk was talking about. I was just trying to sell this stupid little vial to the guy who asked me to get it for him. Should have been easy.

但如果你是我，你就会发现事情总是不按你的想法来。

But when you’re me, nothing goes your way for long.

准确说是我的想法。哎无所谓了。

My way. Whatever.

詹努克是个红胡子的弗雷尔卓德移民，钱多，胃口大。他瞒着自己的雇主，在私人住处堆满了古董和艺术品，其中半数都是用非法手段从古墓或其他博物馆里抢来的，他还喜欢坐在在自己的收藏品中间用餐。这其中有一些物品可以见证我们曾经的合作，其中只有两次是他出卖了我。好吧，两次半，因为那次梯队黎明号的残骸打捞已经完成了，而他却害我暴露了行踪。

Januk was a red-bearded Freljordian transplant, with deep pockets and big appetites. Unknown to his employers, his private residence was filled with relics and artwork, half of it raided illegally from tombs or other museums, and he loved to dine amidst his collection. As some of the pieces would attest, we’d worked together several times in the past, and he only betrayed me twice. Well, two and a half times, if I’m counting when he blew my cover after we had already salvaged the wreck of the Echelon Dawn…

不得不承认，詹努克在支付报酬的时候从无拖延，这也使得我无法对其怀恨在心。

To Januk’s credit, payment was never a problem, which vastly diminishes my ability to hold a grudge.

“伊泽瑞尔，”他一边说一边将餐盘推到一边。他的牙缝里塞了好几块羊肉。“找到了它吗？”

“Ezreal,” he said, pushing his plate aside. There were flecks of lamb in his teeth. “Did you find it?”

他说的它指的是乌罗亚的魔药。是的，我的确从帕若萨附近的雨林陋舍中的重重陷阱中成功将其解救出来了。我从布袋里掏出了这个骨头和水晶材质的小瓶。它在我的掌心中冰冰凉。

The it he was referring to was to the Elixir of Uloa. And yes, I had indeed liberated it from a trap-strewn hovel in the jungle near Paretha. I pulled the bone and crystal vial from my satchel. It was cool in the palm of my hand.

“你要的东西就在这，”我说着举起了小瓶。“很有意思的容器。我猜十有八九来自古典时期以前的恕瑞玛。”

“Got what you’re looking for right here,” I said, holding up the vial. “Interesting container. My best guess would be pre-classical Shuriman.”

里面的液体有一汤匙的量，在月光下闪闪发光。詹努克瞪大了双眼。

The spoonful of viscous liquid inside it shimmered in the moonlight. Januk’s eyes widened.

我决定稍微添油加醋一下。“不过我要告诉你——这里面装的可不是普通的古代浆液。这可是等同于承重支柱的古代浆液。整个地方都垮塌了。我勉强捡了条命回来。”

I decided to ramp up the drama. “I tell you what, though—this here isn’t just any ordinary ancient serum. It’s a load bearing ancient serum. The whole place crumbled around me. I barely escaped with my life.”

“魔药……”詹努克的声音中带着我从未听到过的敬意。“只要一滴就足以让灵魂淬灭千年……让一个凡人的皮肤坚如禁魔石……”

“The Elixir…” Januk’s voice took on a reverence I had never heard before. “A single drop can quench the soul for a thousand years… Give a man skin as tough as petricite…”

他伸出了贪婪的双手。我将它收了回来。

He went to grab it with his greedy hands. I pulled it out of reach.

“别急啊，詹努克”

“Not so fast, Januk.”

“对，对，对，”他喃喃地说着，翻找起抽屉钥匙。“报酬。我们说好的六千整。”

“Right, right, right,” he muttered, fumbling for his desk drawer key. “Payment. We agreed sixty thousand.”

“外加公会的全面认可，记得吧？”

“And full accreditation in the Guild, remember?”

我从小就被各种地方拒绝入场。酒吧、学校、甚至包括一次娑娜的独奏会……但皮城探险家公会的拒绝最令我伤心，毕竟我曾经那么多次在野外冒着生命危险。都是些忘恩负义的人。

I’d been denied entry to plenty of things, in my time. Bars, schools, even a Sona recital… but the Piltover Explorers Guild was the one that stung the most, considering the number of times I’ve risked my neck in the field. Ingrates.

詹努克有点闷闷不乐。“公会并不是特别喜欢你，伊泽瑞尔。考虑到过去与你的合作经历，我觉得不能怨他们。”他拿起醒酒器给自己倒了一杯琥珀酒，灌了一大口。“你把我撂在那座诺克萨斯囚犯营里等死……”

Januk was scowling. “The Guild aren’t particularly fond of you, Ezreal. Can’t say I blame them, having worked with you in the past.” He poured himself some amberwine from a decanter and took a swig. “You left me to rot in that Noxian prison camp…”

“那是给你的报应。根源在梯队黎明号。”

“That was payback. For the Echelon Dawn.”

“那件事也是报应，根源在那张地图。”

“Which was payback for the map.”

“地图也是报应，根源在……你的什么事。”我的牙咬得咯咯响。“大概吧。”

“Which was payback for… something else you did.” I gritted my teeth. “Probably.”

我有点不耐烦了。开始做好快速离场的准备。

I was getting antsy. I readied myself to make a quick exit.

“拜托，公会的认可相当于一半的酬劳，”我提醒他。“如果你不想履行约定，我可不愁卖给别人。”

“Come on, accreditation was half the deal,” I reminded him. “If you don’t want to honor it, I can always find another buyer.”

他豪放的大笑打破了紧张气氛。“你以为我为什么有买卖总找你？那是因为我喜欢你。我们拥有历史，而历史永远都是好买卖。”他将杯中酒一饮而尽。“我去书房拿信纸。请稍等片刻。”

His boisterous laugh broke the tension. “Why do you think I continue to do business with you? It’s because I like you. We have history, and history is always good for business.” He finished his drink. “Let me fetch the letter from my study. One moment, please.”

哪有买家把酬劳放在书房里的？这是最老套的伎俩。估计他出来的时候会举着一把燧发枪，瞄准我的漂亮脸蛋。

Buyers keeping payment in their studies? Oldest trick in the book. He’d probably return aiming a flintlock at my pretty face.

为了打发时间，我端详起他收藏的古董。其中有一些是我代他获取的。然后我看到一样从没见过的东西。这是新的收藏——一个石铃，和家猫差不多大。基座上装饰着奇怪的字迹。我走到跟前仔细看。

To kill time, I perused his collection of artifacts. There were some I had procured on his behalf. Then my eyes fell on something I had not seen before. Something new—a stone bell, roughly the size of a housecat. Its base was adorned with strange writing. I stepped closer to inspect it.

“写的是欧琛语，”詹努克大声说。“死者的语言，书写于凡界帷幕的彼端，只有进入死后世界的人才会说。”

“It’s Ochnun,” Januk called out. “The language of the dead, composed beyond the mortal veil, and spoken only by those in the afterworld.”

我有种强烈的后背受袭感，所以我迅速回过身。

I was getting some serious backstabby vibes, so I spun around.

詹努克并没有举着一把燧发枪。而是举着两把燧发枪。

Januk didn’t have a flintlock. He had two flintlocks.

“我遗憾地通知你，伊泽瑞尔，公会再次拒绝了你的申请。”他走近一步，踏入灯光。“恐怖领主将再度复苏。魔药将助我大业。”

“I am sorry to inform you, Ezreal, that the Guild has once again denied your application.” He stepped closer, into the light. “The dread lord will rise again. And the Elixir will make it happen.”

恐怖领主？太棒了。这次我猜的最靠谱……

A dread lord? Great. I was so close this time…

我的护手开始充能。愤怒是很好的奥术驱动力。无论是积攒还是发泄，都好用。

My gauntlet’s charge rose. Anger is a wonderful arcane motivator. Use it or lose it, I always say.

我抬起手臂。詹努克两把手枪同时开火。这是魔法与子弹的对决。

I raised my arm. Januk fired his pistols. It was magic versus lead shot.

猜不到吧！魔法赢了。魔法永远都能赢。

Surprise! Magic won. Magic always wins.

钝缘的弹头在魔法爆弹的冲击下白热化，然后在空气中化为一缕白烟。但面对这种两面三刀的家伙，必须加倍小心，所以我再次给护手充能。一个嘶嘶的声响，然后嘭地一下，我出现在詹努克的背后。短距离内的传送不需要花费我太大力气，所以我用护手对准了他那个硕大愚钝的脑袋瓜，他根本来不及转身。

The dull metal slugs burned white-hot in the face of my blast, and winked into silvery vapor on the other side. But with double-crossers, one must be doubly careful, so I quickly charged my gauntlet again. There was a slight fizzle, then a pop, and then I was standing right behind Januk. Teleporting short distances doesn’t really take a lot out of me, so I put my gauntleted hand to the back of his big, stupid head before he could turn around.

“放下枪，詹努克。”

“Drop the guns, Januk.”

“已经提前放好了。”

“Already one step ahead of you.”

噢，我非常不喜欢这个语气。我向地面瞥了一眼。的确，两把手枪都在他脚边。

Oh, I did not like the sound of that. I glanced down. Sure enough, the pistols were at his feet.

我有没有说过詹努克非常强壮？他可真是超级强壮。他一只手抓住我的护手，另一只手将我拉过他的肩膀，重重摔穿了他的办公桌。那个该死的石铃硌到了我的脊梁骨。我看到了一片白色，还有木屑，许多木屑。

Did I mention Januk was strong? Because he is super strong. He grabbed my gauntlet in one hand, yanked me over his shoulder with the other, and slammed me bodily through his work desk. The damn stone bell jabbed into my spine. I saw white, and splinters. Lots of little splinters.

詹努克瞄准我的肋骨补了一脚。他从我发抖的手中拗走了乌罗亚的魔药，拽开瓶塞，仰脖灌了下去。

Januk kicked me in the ribs for good measure. He twisted the Elixir of Uloa out of my shaky grip, pulled the stopper, and drank deep.

“你的破烂护手是无法阻止不朽者的！魔药是——”

“Your pathetic gauntlet will do nothing to an immortal! The Elixir is—”

“冒牌货，”我费力地说。“不过颜色很接近。”我举起了另一个其貌不扬的小瓶。“这个才是真正的魔药。你刚才喝的是沙胡蜂的毒液，瓶子是地摊货。”

“Fake,” I croaked. “Almost the right hues, though.” I held up another, far less remarkable looking vial. “This is the real Elixir. You just drank sand wasp venom, out of a cheap souvenir trinket vessel.”

詹努克望着空瓶子，表情像是刚刚喝了酸败的奶。讲道理，酸败的奶可是对消化系统有好处的。

Januk peered into the empty vial, his face scrunched up like he’d tasted sour milk. In fairness, sour milk would have been a lot better for his digestive system.

我苦着脸站了起来。他那一脚的力道完全没有必要，但至少他放过了我的脸蛋。

I winced as I pulled myself back to my feet. He had kicked me unnecessarily hard, but at least he spared my face.

“如果我是你，未来这些天里就不会离开厕所太远。”我补了一句。

“If I were you, I wouldn’t stray too far from a lavatory for the next few days,’ I added.

他将那个华丽的小瓶扔在地上，快步走过来，然后突然呻吟起来。沙胡蜂的毒液起效很快。“你个……小混蛋……我要把你……这事没完……”

He threw the fancy casing to the ground, doubled over, and groaned. Sand wasp venom hits hard and fast. “You… petulant little… I’ll get you… for this…”

我耸了耸肩，举起护手冲着墙壁射出一发魔法爆弹。石墙开裂、融化、然后向外炸开。纸片满屋子乱飞。我捡起了石铃，蹲在詹努克新开的窗前。

I shrugged, then raised my gauntlet and fired another blast of magical energy at the wall. The masonry cracked, melted and exploded outwards. Papers flew everywhere. I picked up the bell, and crouched by Januk’s new window.

“合作愉快，”我说。“这次的，呃……改建算我免费送的。”

“Always a pleasure, ” I said. “I won’t charge you for the, uhh… remodeling.”

我从破口钻出来，爬下石墙，跳到临街的房顶上。我想要尽快远离詹努克，因为种种原因。不得不说，沙胡蜂的毒液是最主要的原因——明早那个地方将惨不忍睹。

I hopped out through the hole, scampered down the masonry and leapt across to a nearby rooftop. I wanted to be far away from Januk as quickly as possible, for lots of reasons. Admittedly, the sand wasp venom was the main one—it was not going to be pretty in that place by morning.

我一边跑，一边仔细看着我最新的藏品。无论它的真实身份是什么，这个欧琛石铃无疑曾受到过某种黑暗能量的沾染。只要探险家公会接收大量这类物品，我就能迅速得到认可了。或许能为我准备一次宴会吧？毕竟，我刚刚靠一己之力阻止了某种恐怖领主的复苏。

As I ran, I took a closer look at my latest acquisition. Whatever else it was, the Ochnun bell was definitely touched by some darker energy. Once the Explorers Guild got a load of this piece, I’d be a shoo-in for accreditation. With a party in my honor, perhaps? After all, I had just single-handedly kept some dread lord from rising.

说到底，通常这才是最重要的。

And in the end, that’s usually all that matters.